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Hoax or not, the Boston Serial Rapist has some important lessons to impart

3 Oct

facebook-page-removed

The Facebook page is down, but the story is this:  Boston College runs a “confessions” page wherin people can “confess” to their various transgressions and sins and get some feedback.  A few days ago, confession number 7122 (jeez, those Boston kids must be up to a whack of no good) went up.

bc

The tl;dr summary is #7122 fucked two passed out drunk girls and forced another who was very drunk but not quite passed out.

And he liked it.

#7122: I’ve never told anyone this, but I can no longer hold it in. Being that I am not a very social guy, nor am I particularly good looking, girls don’t tend to flock my way, which can be very discouraging, especially at a time in my life when a lot of self worth is judged based on success with the opposite gender. I always think a girl likes me, but it always turns out that she is just infatuated with my best friend and roommate. I never told him this, but I thought that 3 out of the last 4 girls that he has dated were into me first. Two of them told me that they liked me, and one even kissed me; both of them were just playing with me though, just to get to him. I don’t blame him because it’s not his fault; I just wish that I didn’t have to get hurt by the girls he attracts. Anyway, as you can imagine, this left me rather depressed and lonely. I’ve never had a relationship, and up until college, the only girl I had kissed was the one who was toying with me. During the first few weeks at school, my friend kept telling me about all the girls that he was either hooking up with at parties or hanging out with during the week. Who had I gotten with? No one. By the end of the first semester, all I wanted was a real experience with a girl. Obviously, I wanted something sexual, actually I was craving something sexual, but when I would dream about girls at night, I only had visions of taking a girl on a date, and forming a real relationship. But who could love me? I’ve determined that I am not worth a girl’s time. And you can’t force a girl to love you. Or if you can, I haven’t figured it out yet. But regardless, my story isn’t about love. My story is about sex. My roommate, during the first week of the second semester, brought back two girls to the room. The three of them were really drunk. Being that I had to get up early the next day for a meeting, I decided not to drink that Friday night. Anyway, so at some point in time, my roommate and one of the girls went to her room, upstairs, and the other girl stayed in my room. I tried to entertain her, but she was very drunk and wasn’t being responsive. I told her just to lie in my roommate’s bed and get some rest. When I tried to lay her down, she pulled me closer, and I mistook her motion as an attempt to kiss me, so I kissed her. At first she resisted, but between her fatigue and disarray, she gave in to it. We had sex that night. I used one of my roommate’s condoms, but to my horror, when I finished, I came to the disturbing realization that she had passed out at some point during the experience. Did I just do what I think I did? The thought horrified me. I needed to talk to the girl about it in the morning when she woke up, just to clarify that it was never my intent to do that to her. I just got caught up in the moment. No girl has ever given me attention, so in this situation, I finally was able to get what I wanted. I put her clothes back on her (which was more difficult than you’d think) and tucked her into my roommate’s bed. When she woke up the next morning, she asked me who I was and why she was in my room. She had no recollection of the prior night. I was thankful, because this meant that I didn’t have to apologize. I told her that she came in with my roommate and passed out in his bed around 1 am. She thanked me for being a gentleman, which I chuckled at under my breath. For the next couple of weeks, all I could think about was what I did, and more importantly, how I got away with it. I see this girl all over campus, and she always says hi. She will never know what I did to her. At first this troubled me, but eventually, I became obsessed and almost proud of it. The thought clouded me head… could I get away with it again? Sure enough another opportunity came my way by the end of last semester. At a mod party, I was with a group of friends when one of my friends and his girlfriend both started to feel sick. My roommate was there and was able to get the guy back to his dorm, and I, being the only other competent person in the group, walked back my friend’s girlfriend to her room in 66. When I got her to her room, she puked in her trash can a bit and eventually passed out on her bed. Being that I was slightly drunk at this point, my judgment was compromised, and I did something that I am still ashamed of. I took advantage of her, and what troubles me is that I enjoyed every minute of it. It wasn’t until the moment that I finished, that I suddenly was struck with intense feelings of shame and remorse. But yet again, I had gotten away with it. I left an hour later when her roommate came in. I told her that I was just taking care of her and that was that. Hurriedly, I ran out of the building, but I didn’t go back to my room. I wondered to the reservoir, and in the thickets of a few trees, I cried myself to sleep. I couldn’t believe what I had become. I woke up in the morning to the sound of joggers. Embarrassed and hungover, I trudged back to my room. Over the summer, I sought out counseling, but when I told my parents that I needed someone to talk to, I could never tell them why, so I never got the help that I needed. When I came back here, I hoped that my desires would remain dormant, but we’ve been back at school for a month and I’ve already had another experience, and what trouble me is that this time, she wasn’t asleep. She was very drunk and I don’t know how much she remembers, but I forced her this time. I know I did. I’m scared for myself, and I worry about the girl. I don’t know what I should do. On the one hand, I know that I need to get help, but on the other hand, I can’t help but be driven to do it again. I have these self-consuming thoughts that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to control. What should I do?

drunk girl

Cue the ensuing shitstorm with thousands of ladies realizing “Holy shit that could be me! I have been that drunk and trusted a man to simply watch over me!  I’ve woken up feeling grateful I had a man to ensure my safety!  I’ve counted on men to protect me, even when they had no particular reason to do so! I’ve expected the Knight in Shining Armor to do his sworn duty and stand guard over my drunk, vulnerable body!”

knight

This story interests me for two reasons in particular:

Women’s sense of entitlement to men’s protection

Rapists tend to be serial

The fallout is that a student admitted to writing the post, and he claims it was all a hoax.  Okay, whatever.  Hoax or not, it reveals some interesting things about #rapeculture, no?

Let’s start with this observation: women seem to genuinely believe they are entitled to the protection of men. I’m going to pull some comments out of the Jezebel post on this to illustrate what I mean.

http://jezebel.com/idiot-boston-student-upsets-everyone-with-fucked-up-fac-1440142699

cassiebearRAWRUfortheloveofbeets461L

It’s important to allow young men to act like utter dipshits without consequence, or else the status quo would change. And we can’t have that happening…                Yesterday 12:05pm

Right.  So women can act like utter dipshits without consequence, but men are always liable for their actions no matter what their state of intoxication.  Pass out in a room full of people you don’t know, wake up with your iPhone and your wallet missing, and get called, quite rightly, an IDIOT.

There are thieves among us.  And rapists, too.  Avoiding the thieves requires a modicum of common sense that every adult is expected to display.  So why isn’t avoiding rapists?

loganbacon

But it just seems too convenient that this schmuck had so many opportunities to rape unconscious or semi-conscious women. I don’t think I encountered three passed-out-dead to the world people in my whole college/law school career. Drunk, sure. Unconscious, no. That sounds more like bullshit to me than “opportunity.”

However, there is no question at all that this dude is a total douchebro.                Yesterday 12:11pm

CPR

You really never encountered three women in your years at college who were black-out drunk? Because you don’t need to be unconscious or falling over to be blacked out.

There’s also the possibility that they did remember pieces of what happened but didn’t report it, because unfortunately our society gives women a lot of mixed signals about whether it’s our fault if they were drinking when they were assaulted. Yesterday 12:30pm

These two commenters are debating just how often women are passed out drunk, or inebriated to the point they might as well be.  They both just assume that women in that state OUGHT to be perfectly fine.  They have a RIGHT to be smashed out of their gourds and still be safe.  How does that work?

man

Oh hello White Knight.

CallMeMaebe

Actually, this is the kind of thing that happens, as the author of the article points out, with alarming regularity on college campuses. I was black out drunk a few times in college. Once, I ended up going home with this dude who was friends with the boyfriend of one of my friends. Next thing I knew I woke up naked with semen in my hair. I booked it the hell out of there before the dude could wake up because I did NOT want to see him. I was later told by my friend that the guy’s story was that while we were walking to his place, I told him that I want to have sex and “what was he going to do, say no?” but then I changed my mind so just went down on him and then threw up which was why the stuff was in my hair. I had nothing but the word of this douchebag I barely knew to tell me what really happened that night but I definitely felt dirty and violated and a huge amount of shame. Because at the time, in my mind, the whole thing was mostly my own fault for getting so sloppy drunk. And that’s the message that a lot of young college girls get: don’t get drunk and let your guard down because of course your male peers cannot be expected to control themselves if you do. Yesterday 3:17pm

What’s the inverse here?  Callmemaebe is being snarky and sarcastic when she says “of course your male peers cannot be expected to control themselves if you do”, meaning that she feels she should be free to offer sex to a guy probably just as drunk as she was, decide a blowjob is a better option and then vomit the consequences into her own hair (fucking gross!), and it is the GUY in this situation who is expected to exhibit control.

Control over what?  Why over her, of course.  But only in one direction.  He must never, ever forget his primary duty to protect and guard her, even from her own worst impulses.  He should assume that she is virginal and innocent and WOULD NEVER, ever offer to blow a guy she barely knows.

Stereotypes.  Acceptable when useful. Assume she is a delicate flower in need of protection when it comes to opening doors and you are a sexist bastard trying to keep her down.  Assume she is delicate flower in need of protection when she decides to go full bore slut on you, and you MUST treat her like the delicate flower she is.

hamster

I nearly fell over dead when I read this comment, and poor Valerie came in for a ton of abuse for speaking too much truth, but I think she nails it.

Valerie Rose Carey

There’s been a swing in the pendulum in feminist discourse about the issue of rape, and I understand why. It’s a much-needed correction to the age-old, pervasive victim-blaming that we suffered for so long.

But as a consequence, there also is a refusal to acknowledge the obvious. We DO live in a rape culture. We are surrounded by rapists. So maybe, as a basic, common-sense preventative measure, we should, if we insist on turning ourselves into passive rag dolls, do so only when we are in a safe environment.

This is so fucking obvious. When you drink yourself into a coma, you relinquish all power to defend yourself against a predator. If you lock your door at night, and refuse to leave your purse unattended, why would you insist on your dubious right to dump your unconscious body in a hallway or a stranger’s bedroom? Is your body—your physical safety—less important to you than your money or belongings?

I repeat—we are surrounded by them, everywhere we go. This is fucked up. But it’s REAL. Why is it that so many young women persist in transforming themselves into convenient jism receptacles for any sick sack of shit who walks by?         Yesterday 2:45pm

This leads me to my second point.  Valerie is correct to point out the obvious fact that rapists exists.  So do thieves, liars, con artists and murderers.

apple

We are far from “surrounded” by them, though.  But we don’t have to be surrounded for a few determined “sick sacks of shit” to have the desired effect.

Boston College runs a “Street Smarts” self-defence class focused on teaching women how to avoid and deter the “Model Mugger”, and there doesn’t seem to be any outcry against “victim-blaming” when people get mugged.

Don’t look like a victim

Avoid dark, unlit areas

Travel in groups when possible

Know some basic self-defence

http://newspapers.bc.edu/cgi-bin/bostonsh?a=d&d=bcheights19940131.2.13#

Turn the Model Mugger into the Model Rapist and all of sudden women have zero obligation to protect themselves and should instead just rely on the shielding instincts of men?

Talk about having your cake and eating it, too.  Women will scream from the mountaintops that they are EQUAL and demand to be treated thus, but they still want all the traditional advantages of having the stronger sex at their beck and call.

The 80-20 rule in policing, also called the Pareto Effect.  80% of the problems are caused by 20% of the population. Repeat offenders.  Not a stunning new insight into criminal behavior.  And rape is no different.

Pooling data from four samples in which 1,882 men were assessed for acts of interpersonal violence, we report on 120 men whose self-reported acts met legal definitions of rape or attempted rape, but who were never prosecuted by criminal justice authorities. A majority of these undetected rapists were repeat rapists, and a majority also committed other acts of interpersonal violence. The repeat rapists averaged 5.8 rapes each. The 120 rapists were responsible for 1,225 separate acts of interpersonal violence, including rape, battery, and child physical and sexual abuse. These findings mirror those from studies of incarcerated sex offenders (Abel, Becker, Mittelman, Cunningham-Rathner, Rouleau, & Murphy, 1987; Weinrott and Saylor, 1991), indicating high rates of both repeat rape and multiple types of offending.

http://www.wcsap.org/sites/www.wcsap.org/files/uploads/webinars/SV%20on%20Campus/Repeat%20Rape.pdf

This is exactly why “teach men not to rape” campaigns are so fucking insulting.  The vast majority of men are never going to rape anyone.  Despite being shit on left right and center for their benevolent sexism, most men continue to shield women from harm.  Even harm that comes from women’s own stupidity.  It doesn’t seem to matter.

protect

The instinct to protect women is innate in the vast majority of men, and painting all men as potential rapists is so dehumanizing.  Part of what makes men different from women is their overwhelming desire to protect us, and women in general have that same instinct towards very small children.  It’s a very clever set of interdependent psychologies.  Men protect women, women protect children, and we all survive the cave lion.

It’s called mate guarding.

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/group/busslab/pdffiles/Human%20Mate%20Guarding.pdf

None of which changes the fact that some men do not give a rat’s ass about mate guarding or protecting women and will express that through rape.

http://www.mta.ca/~ogould/FLIPS/Flips5McKibbin.pdf

They are the minority, and they tend to be repeat offenders.

Women are not surrounded by rapists, but it is foolish to expect that there aren’t a few around.  Boston Rapist may very well be telling the truth, and he is on the hunt for the next victim.

So don’t be the victim.  Why is that so hard to understand?  You don’t go through your life thinking every poor person you meet is likely to mug you, but at the same time, you don’t walk through the council estates at two in the morning trashed out of your mind with your wallet stuffed with cash.

No one will have a whole lot of sympathy for you if you do, and end up mugged.

Rape is no different.  Stop assuming every man is a rapist, but at the same time, stop assuming all men are REQUIRED to protect you. Most will. Some won’t.

Make better choices.  And be grateful for all those men who WILL come to your rescue.

knight 2

But don’t count on them.

You’re not that special.

Lots of love,

JB

Holy smarty pants, people! Women have earned 10 MILLION more college degrees than men since 1982! Oh yeah? In what?

2 Oct

According to The Department of Education, women are now earning the majority of college degrees in the US, with approximately 140 women graduating from college for every 100 men.  I can’t provide a link for you because:

Dear Users,

Due to a lapse of appropriations and the partial shutdown of the Federal Government, the systems that host nces.ed.gov have been shut down. Services will be restored as soon as a continuing resolution to provide funding has been enacted.

IES – Institute of Education Sciences

http://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d12/tables/dt12_310.asp

…so you’ll have to take my word for it.  There are two things that are interesting about this.

mens group

First up, where is the concern over the under-representation of men on campus?  Why don’t we have a special government taskforce addressing the dearth of men on campus?  Why aren’t there on campus Men’s Centers to provide the minority a safe space to reflect on their situations?  Where the hell are the affirmative action programs for men.

Yeah, okay.  It’s only a problem when women are underrepresented.  Gotcha!  Gotta love equality!

A few days ago, we looked at what would happen if men didn’t show up for work one day.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/09/17/what-would-happen-if-no-men-showed-up-for-work-today/

D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R

polish

Because it turns out that the work that men do and the work that women do is profoundly different.  Men basically run the whole show, and women add a bit of spit and polish.  Hey, fair enough.  Life is nice with a bit of polish.  But what is this bullshit about women being so much more educated than men?  Earning more college degrees doesn’t make anyone automatically more useful or productive or accomplished or capable?

What are the degrees in?

Today, let’s look at what an average college campus would look like if the men decided to play hooky for a day.  What exactly are the men doing on campus?

I can’t trace back to the original Bureau of Labor Statistics or the Census databases, which are also off-line thanks to all those Republicans who hate birth control (snark), but I’ll make due with some secondary sources. The following numbers are from 2008.

Let’s hit the Faculty of Education first, shall we?

crayons

Looks like classes in Advanced Crayons and Gluing Popsicle Sticks will be carrying on just fine.  Only 21.3% of that Faculty is made up of men.  Ha!  You won’t even be missed!

How about the Faculty of Nursing?

Oh, please.  A measly 14.6% of that Faculty are men, although I suspect the really hard thinky classes in anesthesiology will be sitting empty, since most Registered Nurse Anesthesiologists are actually men.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/03/01/there-are-more-male-nurses-than-ever-highly-specialized-technically-qualified-male-nurses-who-get-paid-more-than-female-nurses-because-sexism/

Oh well.  How about we peek in the Faculties of Social Sciences, Communications, Business and History?

psychology

Psychology classes are pretty much unaffected.  Only 22.9% of psychology majors are men.  Classes in Shakespeare and Early 14th Century Poetry are still crammed with students.  Only 21.3% of men in college are there to study English Language and Literature.  Still Life Drawing and Advanced Modern Jazz classes?  No worries.  38.6% of those classes have men.  Communications is pretty much the same: 37.5% of the students are men.

microphone

History and sociology classes are looking pretty sparse, though.  50.7% of those students are male, and business class is pretty subdued today, too.  51% of all business majors are men.

http://www.forbes.com/2010/08/10/most-popular-college-degrees-for-women-forbes-woman-leadership-education-business.html

Arty-farty life continues unaffected, and we barely even notice that all the boys cut class today.  Ha!

Okay, let’s see what’s going on in the Faculty of Engineering!

Oh dear.  Well, the numbers for 2002 don’t look good, and given that the percentage of women in engineering has remained more or less stable for the past 25 years, it’s probably safe to assume the same basic numbers are true today.

stable graph

Electrical and Mechanical lecture halls are empty. In a class of 100, 13 students showed up in mechanical and 14 were there for electrical.  All the rest are playing video games at home.  18 students show up in Aerospace and 25 students in Civil.

9843976-female-college-student-alone-in-university-lecture-hall

Chemical classes are a bit better.  35 students who are not men are there.  33 students are in Industrial, and 31 students in Materials.

Overall, the classes in the Faculty of Engineering are pretty empty.  By 2010, over 80% of all engineering degrees are going to men.

STEM graph

http://www.aps.org/programs/education/statistics/womenmajors.cfm

Faculty of Computer Science?

woman-student-empty-lecture-hall-22600000

82.4% of the students are a no-show.

Faculty of Science? Using the chart above, it looks like this:

Biology classes are holding their own.  60% of the students are women.  And Chemistry is not doing all that bad.  Only half the class didn’t show up.  In mathematics and statistics, just over 40% of the class is there, and the same goes for earth sciences.

Physics classes are not doing so great.  Only 20% of the students show up.

Hey, why don’t we see how the Faculty of Graduate Studies is doing on this day that men skip out?

graduate

Nursing and other health sciences won’t even notice! Less than 20% of Masters in that field go to men. Communications, Biomedical Sciences, Education, English, Foreign Languages and Literature, Psychology, Public Administration and the Performing Arts are all going to be fine, too.  Women are a solid majority of the advanced degree earners in those fields.

Computer Science, Engineering, Mathematics and Physical Sciences are not going to be so lucky.  Most of their students will be gone, and the ones that do show up probably won’t have an instructor anyways, since most of the doctorates (AKA slave laborers) go to men, too.

empty-lecture-hall

So, basically all the classes in thinking, feeling, dancing, coloring, talking and reading will continue on as usual when men cut out for the day.

perform

All the classes in counting, measuring, building, programming, discovering and analyzing will be devoid of students.

engineering-students

Well gosh.  That sure came as a surprise, didn’t it?

I’ll take a moment here to give a shout out to nursing, which doesn’t involve a whole lot of book reports or poetry analytics.  Nursing is science, and the women in that Faculty deserve due credit.

But the rest?

Bachelors of Bullshit.  Barista of Arts.  Summa cum latte

So, yay ladies!  10 MILLION more degrees than men.

grad

Pardon me if I personally  hold off cheering until you get those degrees in something useful.

Hint: NOT film theory.

Lots of love,

JB

So what ARE the best jobs for women, then?

18 Sep

It’s kind of funny to see how confused the crew over at Jezebel is in response to this very strange article by Erin Gloria Ryan.  Erin argues that women should NOT go to business school because it will delay their reproductive plans, will offer no real economic value and besides, business schools are filled with douchey frat boys who are all majoring in how to be a dick.

frat

Spending time when you could be having babies… um, not having babies puts you years behind your peers who stayed in the workforce.

A Vanderbilt study found that mothers who graduate from élite institutions are more likely to opt out than graduates of less selective ones, particularly when those women have M.B.A.s. Another Harvard study found that among Harvard college graduates with professional degrees, women with M.B.A.s have the lowest labor force participation rates.

If anything, when a young woman considering a Harvard M.B.A. looks at the choices of her predecessors, she should be even more skeptical of the value of the degree.

http://jezebel.com/how-to-talk-your-girl-friends-out-of-going-to-business-1335667292

I think is my favorite comment:

PietachokUvanillabean48101L

I second the opinion that this [article] is disgusting. If it was intended to be satire, the effect has been lost in the offensive down-talking…and the lack of humor. You can say a lot of this same stuff about any graduate education, but where would we be if every woman listened to this instead of her goals & interests.

Indeed, VanillaBean.  Where would we be?

Why, we might be in the sort of society that recognizes that women’s ambitions and skills tend to differ from men’s, and that we are doing a piss-poor job as a culture in talking to women honestly about what their true “goals and interests” are likely to be.

bullet

What Erin hit on, almost certainly inadvertently although maybe not, is that women with advanced business degrees find that those degrees give them an opportunity to dodge a bullet they didn’t know was coming:  they can choose to be full-time mothers, and most of them do exactly that.

Why does an advanced business degree give women that choice?

Because the degree puts them in contact with high-income men, or men with the potential to earn a high income.  Grad school is an excellent place to earn an MRS, and the kinds of jobs women with newly minted MBAs get lands them in a large pool of high-income men aka “investment banks”.

Win-win, right?

Not really, because the fact that women with business degrees find themselves actually having a choice when it comes to deciding how to raise their families comes down to LUCK.  The vast majority of women in business school probably think they’re going to kick-start some kind of awesome “career”, but when the first little bundle arrives, they realize cubicles SUCK and home is where they really want to be.

http://workplaceflexibility.org/images/uploads/program_papers/goldin_-_the_career_cost_of_family.pdf

We are doing such an enormous disservice to men and women alike when we teach women their “goals and interests” should be the primary motivating factor in deciding what to study at college, and then following that up with some giant lies about what those goals and interests will be.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/09/06/where-feminism-went-wrong-oh-i-dont-know-maybe-with-that-whole-men-suck-and-lets-tell-young-women-a-giant-pack-of-lies-strategy-just-a-thought/

So let’s talk specifics.  Let’s begin with the assumption that almost all women will want to be out of the workforce when they have young children at home.

What kinds of jobs make sense for women who plan on taking a huge chunk of time off?  Obviously, the jobs dominated by men are off the table, because we NEED those jobs to be done or society as we know it simply collapses.

When women enter male dominated professions, two things tend to happen:  the wages that normally accompany those professions begin to decline, and we end up needing MORE workers in that occupational category.

Why? Because women don’t work as many hours as men.

drs

Medicine is great example of that.  Women now make up half the nation’s medical students, but once the ladies do the math, their ambitions take a sharp turn.  Four years of pre-med is usually complete around 22 years of age.  Another four years of med school takes them to 26 years of age.  Add two years of residency on top of that just to qualify as a GP and the lady doctors are suddenly seeing the wall looming directly in front of them.  Another four to eight years to qualify as a specialist, and most of them can kiss husbands, kids and families goodbye.

Instead, they quit at the GP level, and then argue for fewer hours, so they can spend more time with their children.  It takes two women GPs to cover the patient base of one man.  Obviously, wages decline for each individual doctor.

It’s been proven repeatedly—female doctors “will not work the same hours or have the same lifespan of contributions to the medical system as males”

http://www.macleans.ca/science/health/article.jsp?content=20080102_122329_6200

Women physicians make less than male physicians because women traditionally choose lower-paying jobs in primary care fields or they choose to work fewer hours.

Even when women ARE specialists, they still make less money than men.  Because sexism?  Nope.  Because they accept lower wages in exchange for time.

…female doctors were taking less pay in exchange for regular schedules or other family-friendly benefits

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/02/03/us-doctors-pay-gap-idUSTRE71215F20110203

It’s not really a problem until you consider the enormous expense of training doctors, and then combine that with needing to train twice as many women doctors to replace retiring male physicians.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10101276/Female-doctors-who-work-part-time-after-having-children-put-NHS-under-strain.html

As long as women understand that they WILL and SHOULD make less money than their male counterparts, owing to the fact that their hearts will always be more firmly in the kitchen than the operating room, I have no problem with women as doctors.

In fact, I think it’s a pretty sensible choice, because it gives women an unassailable credential that they can use to transition back to the workforce when and how they like.

Credentials.  That is what women should be striving for.  Something, that once you have, you have for good.  Credentials are what give women choices.

ca

The single most sensible credential I think any woman can pursue is an accounting designation.  An accounting designation (CA, CMA, CGA, CPA) gives women enormous career flexibility, and requires only a minimum amount of maintenance to remain in effect. Accountants work in every industry, from 80-hour-a week-big-name accounting firms to hang-out-a-shingle and do the books for the local cornerstore.

You work when you want to work, and you can ramp up when you have finished the business of raising a family.

Accounting and medicine are not the only occupations with credentials.  There are lots of them.  Go to beauty school and become a hairdresser, by all means.  You can cut hair and do foil highlights in your kitchen while the kids are little and work for the big salon when they hit grade school.  Some credentials you don’t even need to go to school to earn.  C++ or Java programming languages can be learned on-line.  For FREE.

http://abstrusegoose.com/249

Do some recreational programming or work for a charity part time while the kids are little to keep your skills up to date and then consider full-time employment later on.

The point is that women should PLAN to be out of the workforce while their children are little.  If that doesn’t happen, well, fine.  But at least you have a choice.

Of course, Operation Raise Your Own Children requires one tiny little upgrade:  women will need to financially rely on a man.  Preferably a husband.  Who is preferably actually the father of the children she is at home raising.

And here is where we run into a massive, massive problem.

Women have been taught to hate and fear men and to never rely on them for anything.  Which would be funny if it weren’t so blindingly, enragingly stupid.  Our whole fucking society relies on men.  Water, power, communications, protection, transportation – they are all designed, implemented, operated, maintained and repaired by men, and since the lights continue to go on and shelves in the grocery store continue to be stocked, it looks like men can indeed be relied upon.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/09/17/what-would-happen-if-no-men-showed-up-for-work-today/

Last night, after following the commentary on yesterday’s article, my husband and I were discussing MGOTW.  Men who are simply opting out of marriage and family altogether, which as Goober points out has benefits for individual men, but is completely ruinous for society.

My husband came up with a good analogy, I think.

© Copyright 2010 CorbisCorporation

Let’s say you’re a black man or woman, and your whole life, all you have dreamed about is becoming a doctor.  You dream of saving other people’s lives.  It’s not just a “want”, it’s a calling.  A force within you that cannot be ignored.

But there’s a hitch.

At any time, any one of your white patients can legally enslave you.  Just apply for personal ownership, and boom, you’re a slave now.

Would you still be a doctor?

I figure that’s what MGTOW boils down to, and the men are saying “hell no, not a fucking chance”.

It’s easy to say “the laws have to change”, and I’ve trotted out that little truism myself.  But what laws?  And how should they change?  We can make divorce harder, but will that stop women from divorcing?  We can make custody agreements more fair, but will that stop women from destroying their families? We can outlaw alimony and enforce a more fair division of assets, but will that stop women from dividing up the assets?

Not likely.

Women have always had one power that men will never have:  the power to give birth to new life.

pregnant

I think that’s where the solution will need to originate.  Some mechanism to mitigate against that power.  The idea of robo-wombs makes me ill, quite frankly, because it’s all too easy to imagine a nightmarish Matrix scenario of rows and rows of human beings coming into existence without the profound human connection pregnancy entails.

But reliable, reversible male birth control.  That could be a very real solution.  No woman can become pregnant without the explicit permission of the man she wishes to father her child.  Pre-gestational agreements determining who gets custody of the child in the event of relationship breakdown could be an amazing bargaining chip.  The role of the law would simply be enforcing those agreements.

If we wrest the power to control the creation of life from women’s hands, and make certain that power is shared, we may have a solution to men’s unwillingness to be enslaved at the whim of women.

Let all the divorce and custody and division of assets laws stand as they are.  Pre-nuptial agreements, when carried out properly, can circumvent all those laws.  Pre-gestational agreements can do the same.  Women who wait until the last minute to get pregnant will be making themselves more amenable to fair agreements, and any woman who knows she will lose custody of her children should she decide to trade in for Husband 2.0 because 1.0 just isn’t doing it for her anymore will have cause to reconsider.

couch

If co-habiting couples can agree on who gets the IKEA couch when they break up, before they have even moved in together, why not have agreements about who keeps the house and the kids BEFORE the kids are even conceived?

http://www.salon.com/2010/02/23/up_with_the_pre_prenup/

Well, this post took a detour from my original intention, which was to spell out for women how to plan their lives assuming they WILL take time off from work, but it all makes sense at the end of the day.  Women can’t make any plans of the sort without a man to rely on, and men have approximately zero incentive to financially support a woman for years upon years when the result can be utterly ruinous for him.

Male birth control.

That’s where we should be throwing our healthcare dollars.  The ramifications could be life-altering, for all of us.

Sadly, BigPharma isn’t interested in the most promising avenues of research, because BigPharma makes a lot of money selling pills to women every month.

http://www.parsemusfoundation.org/vasalgel-home/

Perhaps BigPharma is being a little short-sighted, though.  Once men understand just what kind of power a reliable, reversible method of birth control gives them, you might see every last fertile man in the nation lined up for a dose.

And that’s a lot of customers.

A satisfied customer is the best business strategy of all.

Michael LeBoeuf

Women better be brushing up on their own strategy, not only in terms of their jobs, but in terms of negotiating how that baby is going to arrive.  There won’t be any “oopsie I forgot to take my pill” bullshit once we have true equality in birth control.

 

Equality.  That’s the goal, isn’t it?

 

Lots of love,

JB

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