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Most women don’t kill their babies and leave them in dumpsters. Most men don’t rape drunk women, even while drunk themselves. So why are men taught NOT to rape, but women aren’t taught not to kill? I call bullshit.

9 Apr





Way to go, Canada!  Men’s human rights activists are back in the news in Canada for another “offensive” poster campaign in which all women are painted with a brush that applies to only a few women.


Sound familiar?


The poster not only highlights the utterly insulting absurdity of the original “Don’t Be That Guy” campaign, but also points to a legally enshrined form of discrimination against men in Canada:  only female persons can be convicted of the crime of murdering their newborn children, and just to rub a little salt in the wound, the poor wee dears are not to be sentenced to anything exceeding five years.  The babies, of course, are sentenced to death regardless of their gender, but that’s such a trifle, no?




What happens in Canada if a male person kills his newborn? Well, first of all, it rarely happens.  Male persons are significantly less likely to kill newborn infants than female persons, when the child is less than 24 hours old. Once the baby survives the first 24 hours, then male persons are slightly more likely to kill the child. Regardless of how old the child is, as long as Cupcake can prove she “has not fully recovered from the effects of giving birth to the child and by reason thereof or of the effect of lactation consequent on the birth of the child her mind is then disturbed“, she can be sentenced to no more than five years.


Obviously men don’t lactate, but are their minds disturbed by the birth of a new child?  The law says “fuck you we don’t care if you have a penis and kill a baby you are going down”.  Science says, well, actually, men do undergo some fairly dramatic and measureable hormonal changes following the birth of a child, and if hormonal changes are mitigating circumstances that permit female persons to be convicted of the lesser offence of infanticide, then why aren’t those changes used to explain why male persons might kill newborn babies?


Misandry? Actual, literal discrimination on the basis of gender alone? Pffft. It’s not a real thing.


But let’s get back to those posters.  The original posters were intended to urge “men to heed their consciences and not take advantage of incapacitated or unwilling partners”. But do men do this?  What is the evidence?


Oh darn.


When researchers at the University of Toronto and the University of Washington observed young people’s behavior in bars, they found that the man’s aggressiveness didn’t match his level of intoxication. There was no relationship.


So wait, you mean men can get fully and completely loaded, just shit-faced drunk and they still won’t rape anybody?  Well my heavens, how can that be?  Who, pray tell, is doing all this raping then?


Sexual predators deliberately target intoxicated victims.


Sexual predators?  You mean rapists?  You mean it’s rapists who rape women and not just random guys in bars who have had too much to drink?


Don’t Be That Guy – a behavioural marketing campaign sends the message that sex without consent is sexual assault. We are sending a visual message to men between the ages of 18 and 25, graphically demonstrating their role in ending alcohol facilitated sexual assaults.


Men between the ages of 18 and 25?  And where is your evidence that men between the ages of 18 and 25 are particularly prone to alcohol facilitated sexual assaults?  According to RAINN, the average age of a rapist is 31 years old.


You’re not even aiming at the right target, assholes.


And even if you were in the right ballpark demographically, it still wouldn’t excuse the accusation that every male person in the demographic needs to be learned up about how not to get drunk and rape, because most men aren’t rapists. Even the wingnuts at Occidental College agree that most rapes on college campuses are committed by serial rapists.


So explain to me again why all men between the ages of 18-25 should be smeared with the rapist label and treated as if they are latent monsters who only need that one last Budweiser to release the Great Rape Monster lurking within their twisted, maimed pathetic male person souls?


What would the reaction be if we treated all women as baby killers until they prove otherwise?  What would it be like to have every prenatal healthcare clinic feature posters reminding women not to murder their babies?






Some might call it hate speech. 



Personally, I’m not a big fan of the whole concept of hate speech.  The legal definition of hate speech in Canada focuses on the effects, rather than the intention of the speaker, which is all fine and dandy.


“The repugnancy of the ideas being expressed is not sufficient to justify restricting the expression, and whether or not the author of the expression intended to incite hatred or discriminatory treatment is irrelevant. The key is to determine the likely effect of the expression on its audience, keeping in mind the legislative objectives to reduce or eliminate discrimination,” they decided.

I prefer a much more simple remedy to hate speech.




Go ahead and put up your shitty, hateful, factually inaccurate posters about rape.


But understand this:  What goes around?


It comes around, too.




Lots of love,





Seduction versus coercion:  accountability is such a bitch

8 Apr


In news that probably comes a shock to approximately no one, more than 40% of young men report being on the receiving end of unwanted sexual activity, and 95% of those men report the perpetrators as women.


Over 4 in 10 participants (43%) experienced sexual coercion: more specifically, the participants reported: verbal coercion (31%,n86), seduction coercion (26%,n73), physical coercion (18%,n52), and substance coercion (7%,n19). Rates were comparable across high school and college students. Racial differences were found such that Asian participants reported significantly lower rates of sexual coercion than Black, White, and Latino participants. Ninety-five percent of the respondents reported women as the perpetrators; participants also described internal obligation, seductive, and peer pressure tactics in descriptions of coercion experiences.



Bill Maher made a little sketch comedy about this study, calling it “Lucky Bastard Syndrome”.



The men in this skit are all well-groomed, well-proportioned and very nice looking, which implies the women they are apparently turning down for sex are similarly well-groomed and well-proportioned, making it seem just crazy that the dudes might turn down sex, right?  What, some hot chick wants to roll your ass and you’re not down with it?  Preposterous!


Maher’s incredulity that a man might want something other than sex (Gasp! What else could he possibly want?) plays into the idea that all men ever think about or ever want is sex.  Sex, sex and more sex.  Jezebel even picked up the story and of course linked it to a toxic masculinity that dictates men must chase the pussy at all times, everywhere, under all circumstances.


I’ve argued this before, and I’ll argue it again:  it’s not masculinity that insists men are little more than rutting pigs seeking any wet hole.  That’s the story feminism spins about masculinity, particularly through the idea of rape culture, because an entire culture focused on rape requires endlessly fuckable women and endlessly libidinous men or the whole show collapses.  The idea that there might be some imminently unfuckable women or that men might have something on their minds other than fucking is a complete anathema to feminism.


How do men define masculinity then, if not simply by pussy proxy?




Top three qualities reported by 27 000 randomly selected men from 8 different countries.

Overall, being seen as honorable was considered the most important quality in the construct of masculinity.  “Being seen as a man of honor” was cited as the most important attribute of masculine identity in Spain, Brazil, Mexico, United States and France, while “being in control of your own life” was the most important in Germany, the United Kingdom and Italy.


What the hell?  27 000 men and not one of them put “ability to rape a lot of chicks” at the top of their list for what defines the masculine?  Feminists have a lot more work to do, apparently.  And when it comes to quality of life, most men seem to have missed the memo, too.


Regardless of age or nationality, men more frequently ranked good health, harmonious family life and good relationships with their wife or partner as more important to their quality of life than material, self-fulfilling or purely sexual concerns.


Harmonious family life? Good health? Being self-reliant and feeling like your life is led with honor?  These are the things men consider cornerstones of masculinity? Yeah, pretty toxic, I’d say.


Okay, so let’s get back to the study about sexual coercion/seduction.  40% of men report that women attempted to kiss and/or fondle them and escalate that activity into full-blown sex.  Now, if a woman wants to see if a man is interested in sex, I’d say planting a kiss and sliding your hands under his shirt (assuming there was some kind of indication of mutual attraction) is an excellent way to test the waters further.  Be prepared for rejection, but hey, give it a shot?


The question the survey does not ask is why the men were not interested in further sexual activity.  It’s almost as if the researchers were mystified that men can be and are frequently uninterested in sex with a particular woman. I’d be curious about the factors that led to men rejecting sexual advances from women.  Not curious that they would reject advances, but curious about why.  Does it violate their sense of honor and respectability?  Do they find sexually aggressive women unappealing? Does the woman’s attractiveness or lack thereof factor into their response?  Do they not like the feeling of being hunted?  Just not in the mood for girl shit right now? There are so many possibilities that could give great insight into men as human beings rather than “emotionless dickbots”, as one Jezebel writer so kindly refers to them as.


An interesting finding is that the experience of sexual coercion does not lead to self-esteem issues for men the way it typically does for women.  The researchers theorize that “sexual victimization might not impact males’ self-perceptions in the same way that it does for women, and instead may be inadvertently consistent with expectations of masculinity and sexual desire”. They go on to suggest that sexual validation from women is a key part of masculine identity, even though men themselves report no such thing.


That’s curious.


I have an entirely different theory as to why the experience of sexual coercion does not impact men’s self-perceptions and it has to do with men’s sense of agency and responsibility.  Any man that allows himself to be sexually coerced, in the absence of serious, life-threatening harm (which most women would be hard-pressed to deliver) never loses sight of the fact that he made a call and it wasn’t a particularly great one.  Agreeing to have sex (being coerced) even when you really don’t want to might be a bad decision, but it’s still his decision.


Contrast that with women, who will make the exact same bad decision in the exact same scenario, and then look around for someone to blame.  Both the man and the woman are at a party, both are approached by opposite sex partners, both receive passionate kisses and both are fondled.  Both agree to sexual activity even though neither one is interested in that.


The man wakes up and thinks “Well that was stupid.  I’m not doing that again.”

The woman wakes up and thinks, “Oh my god, I’ve been raped!”


It comes down to agency.  Do you make your own decisions or do you not?  Are you an adult capable of resisting coercive strategies or are you not? Can you make a bad decision and still understand that it was your decision to make?  Can you make a bad decision and resolve to make better ones in the future, or are you transformed into a snivelling ball of snot incapable of even contemplating your own complicity?


Who is accountable for your choices?  You?  Or someone else?


And there you have the main difference between men and women who have experienced sexual coercion.  He gives in but never fails to understand he made the choice to give in.  She gives in and wants to punish her male partner for her decision, because she can’t handle the responsibility for her own choices.


It’s really pathetic.


When feminists peddle their “rape culture” and “toxic masculinity” they are really attempting to reframe our whole culture so that men are responsible actors accountable for their own choices, while women are helpless victims who cannot be held responsible for theirs, but can instead pass that responsibility onto men. And it’s patriarchy that infantilizes women, is it?


Lovely.  As an adult woman perfectly capable of making my own choices and living with the consequences of those choices, just like all the other adults around me must do, I’d really appreciate it if feminists would stop trying to “help me”.


I have my own five year old to deal with.  I don’t care to be treated like one myself.


No thanks.


Lots of love,



Your hate mail sucks

7 Apr

I wonder what judgy bitch [JudgyBitch - all one word with capitals, please] will do when her husbands [I just have one husband - incorrect use of the plural] leaves her and she become [becomes - incorrect verb tense] a single mother. Might have to drop the judgy and just refer to herself as Bitch [inconsistent use of capitalization] . Ugly on the inside and out. Karmas a ass kicker [Karma's - Contractions require an apostrophe.  Also "an asskicker". Incorrect use of determiner]. Yours [Your's - should be possessive - edited to add that yours never has an apostrophe even when indicating a possessive so I was wrong- oops!will be coming soon. Ugly Bitch. Go make some sandwiches and quit writing your blog is a disgraceful [Oh dear.  Where to start? Missing punctuation. Is a disgraceful? A disgraceful what? Incorrect use of determiner again] . Your [You're. Contraction.]  a [an - incorrect use of determiner] enemy to woman [women - incorrect use of singular] . Shame on you.


Hahahahahahahaa!  Thanks for stopping by.




Oh, and fuck off.


Lots of love,




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