Yesterday’s entry was cross-posted at A Voice for Men, and there are two comments over there that capture a few truths we don’t like to talk about very much in the wider culture. The first one lays out just why Mr. Nice Guy wants nothing to do with ladies like Isabel, no matter how interested they are now.
I spent twenty years trying to be nice to women like you, and in return I received nothing but contempt. What makes you think I would be inclined to welcome you into my life now?
While you were sleeping, I changed too – I haven’t remained “nice”, every ready to “be there” for you, just waiting to drop everything to be by your side and take care of you. Your contempt and your sadism changed me. I am now what you would think of as “nasty”. Not one of the bad boys who used to excite you, but one of the increasing number of men who has come to see you as their enemy.
An equal relationship with a woman like you is simply not possible. What you have to “offer” me is this:
1. The chance to have children entirely on your terms, when you see fit
2. The prospect of losing those children on your vindictive whim
3. A total loss of control over my own money
4. Arbitrary confrontations and accusations
5. A partner who believes I exist to serve her, and who refuses even to acknowledge the concept that I have feelings of my own beyond those she has decided for me.
6. The loss of whichever of my hobbies and friends you dislike
7. A partner who can physically and mentally abuse and manipulate me, then dismiss any protest I make about it
You expect me to be instantly “ready” for you now, simply because you are ready for me? For me that shows that you expect our relationship to take place very much on your terms and not at all on mine.
Whilst you were changing so was I. I have become very happy without a woman in my life. And I have realised that you have nothing to offer me but pain. It is too late for you.
Mr Nice Guy
The second comment is actually making me jealous. It boils down Isabel’s solipsism and narcissism beautifully, by reducing her article to pronouns. Here it is:
Dear Nice Guy,
I don’t know… I’m so ready… Seriously, I am… I dated… I was… I guess I dated… I liked… I fed off… provided me. I saw… I … accepted. Let me… I’ve dated… I ended up… I always had… I clearly knew… I don’t regret…
I learned… I learned… my house party… I guess I never let… I realized… never me… I was born… I was never… a jerk to me… I was smart enough… I never actually wanted… I wanted…
… I’m ready… I’ve learned… the lessons I need… I now have… I know… I’ll let you… I know… I know… I can see… my life… time for me… I want…
… It’s time for me… when I feel… time for me… the fear that I’ll be emotionally shamed… time for me… I want… my body… look at me… my mind, body and soul.
I want… make time for me… always respect me. I want… I will be safe… I know I can learn…
I don’t want… I hate… I don’t hate… I’m just done… I have to thank… taught me… depend on myself… my broken pieces… allowed me…
I understand myself… I know what I’m like… I’m ready… what I’m like…
So, I guess all there is left to say is…
These two comments pretty much sum up the problems, don’t they? I suppose the real question is where do we go from here? On that subject, I really have no answers. MGTOW seems to say: total rejection, while traditionalists say: back to a past of male control that never really was in the first place. Neither of those approaches are fully satisfactory, but I’m not sure what the plausible alternatives are. I think Dean Esmay does a really nice job explaining the limitations of both approaches in this article, but the way forward is no more clear even with such an understanding.
How do you make someone as profoundly clueless and selfish as Isabel understand? She seems to have all the moral awareness of a two year old, but at least with two year olds, you know that time will pass, and they will grow up and see that the world consists of more than just their own viewpoint.
Isabel? I’m not so sure.
I’ve decided to change the tagline on this blog from Because you don’t know shit, which was admittedly just a throw away line I put little thought into, to this: JudgyBitch: The radical notion that women are adults. Seems a fitting change on the day the blog hit two million views.
Let’s hope women like Isabel can embrace such a radical notion.
I won’t hold my breath.
You probably shouldn’t either.
Lots of love,