People need to stop being dicks on the subway by taking up way too much space. Oh wait. No, just men need to stop doing that. More equality!

16 Sep

I’m a bit cranky today, owing to the fact that I am suffering from a wicked head cold thanks to the filthy, germ-ridden little creatures who live here with me.  Kindergarten plague. Ugh.  Even so, this tumblr has pissed me off royally.  It’s called Men Taking Up Too Much Space on the Train.

bag guy

Having spent a good deal of time on public transportation in Shanghai, Melbourne, Manchester, Toronto, Athens and Seattle, I know a bit about how to travel with a few manners.  I also know how to travel with a modicum of sense when it comes to protecting personal belongings.  And when I looked at these pictures, for the most part, I saw people taking reasonable precautions not to get their bags stolen, and not to trip people moving past them.


Almost all the men taking up too much space have large bags or backpacks between their feet, meaning that A) they aren’t taking up the seat next to them, and B) they can smush the bags against the lower portion of the seat so that people walking by don’t get tangled up in the straps.

bags 3

Why is this even an issue?  Well, duh, it’s because people men who sit with their legs apart and bags between them are trying to send a message to fellow travellers that they have really big dicks and that the entire world needs to stop spinning on its axis and accommodate said ginormous dicks.

fuck you week

Maybe these fucking idiots think we women are impressed when they act like their penis is so fucking big that they can’t even try to make room for you next to them on the bench. Because if there’s one thing we ladies like, it’s a monster dick the size of yule log (Happy Holidays!) and a man who won’t offer us a seat because it makes him slightly uncomfortable.

Anyway, these dudes aren’t going anywhere. They’ve been around forever (your pilgrim dick is not that big) and they’ll stay around forever (your cyborg dick doubles as a gun), so all we — women, children, the vast majority of men who understand the basic concepts of space and sitting down — can do is quietly rage and occasionally work up the courage to ask you to move your fucking legs. But that doesn’t mean we’re not glaring at you with the power of a thousand fuck yous when we see you treat the service that we all pay the equal amount to use like it’s your own fucking castle. Trust us, the major dick here is not in your pants — it’s you. You’re the fucking dick, so close your legs or go fuck yourself.

That little screed was part of the delightful Fuck You Week at Jezebel, and demonstrates the usual level of vitriol, bitterness, stupidity and hate we have come to expect from the ladies at good ole Jez.

Because you KNOW it’s only ever men who sit with their legs apart on the tube, right?


And women never, ever keep their bags between their feet.


And they certainly never collapse over into someone else’s seat.

Fat woman in subway, Fat Frau in U-Bahn, Grosse femme dans le métro, Tlustá ¸ena v metru

Nor do they ever take up an inordinate amount of space giving each other pedicures on the fucking train.

women 7

They never fall alseep with their legs splayed.


And they never, ever sport asses so huge they have little choice but to take up two seats.

bus 3

They don’t take up the seat next to them with their bags.

bus 2

Women never carry giant bags you just know are gonna end up shoved in someone’s crotch.


They don’t spread out their legs at the bus stop, cramming Doritos (or whatever healthy snack that is) into their fat maws while airing out the lady cave for passerbys.  Nope.  That neeeeeeeever happens.


This kind of idiocy and first world problem bullshit makes me so angry because it seems deliberately designed to encourage women to get on trains or other forms of public transportation, ignore all the women doing the EXACT SAME FUCKING THINGS, and just spend the journey “leaning in” to perfect their hatred of men.

It irritates me because there is no reason for it. Everyone can be as asshole on the train or bus, and sometimes the things that we consider “asshole” behaviour actually have a pretty good reason behind them.  One of my pet peeves is parents with monster strollers on public transportation.  Or anywhere for that matter.  Strollers are not required.  The number of times I took a stroller on public transportation and forced other people to trip and squish themselves against an ugly, wheeled monstrosity:  ZERO!

Hello, baby sling.

baby sling

Strollers are not required equipment, and taking them on public transportation makes most of the stroller brigade assholes.

Now, having said that, I travelled with Pixie on public transportation with 5 year old LittleBear in one of those gigantic jogging strollers that everyone had to contort themselves to get around.  LittleBear has had his abdominal muscles cut through 63 TIMES, and he isn’t very good at standing up on the subway, so fuck all the haters – he was in a super comfy stroller that maximized his comfort and forced everyone else into some momentary discomfort.


So sad, too bad.  LittleBear had a good reason to be in stroller.  Most kids have no reason.  Their parents are just dicks.

It happens.  People are assholes.  They act as though the whole damn world belongs to them, and everyone else should just put up and shut up.  What this tumblr blog is claiming is that MEN, and ONLY MEN are assholes on public transportation, and that really, really annoys me.

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m in a really foul mood today owing to the fact that I despise being colonized by the snot virus, but it seems to me that the level of hate has been ratcheted up a notch lately.  Hannah Roisin, in a recent Slate column, proclaimed that the patriarchy is dead, and that it serves little purpose for women to continue to blame their problems on a nebulous at best entity that hasn’t been in evidence in North America for at least the last 70 years.

Marble Gravestone

Critics responded by creating a list of 39 things the “patriarchy” is responsible for, including vajazzling, juice cleanses, cardio pole-dancing, peak fertility and the fact that women can’t seem to nail down those pesky Nobel Prizes in any meaningful category.

Yeah, peak fertility is totally the fault of patriarchy.  And so are cupcake shaped vibrators.  Totally rapey patriarchy.


Really? That’s your fucking argument?  You’re oppressed by vibrators shaped like cupcakes?

Meanwhile, in the real news, boys continue to slide behind girls in academic achievements, which has profound consequences for our whole society and economy because boys are the ones who grow up to actually MAKE SHIT THAT WE USE.   You know, when they’re not cooling off their gonads on the train.

The achievement gap has life and death consequences for working class men, and men of color, in particular.

“Nearly half of young men of color age 15 to 24 who graduate from high school will end up unemployed, incarcerated or dead.”

Nearly half!   We are throwing away nearly half of our young men of color and the shape of your vibrator is the key issue feminists want addressed?

fuck off

It’s not like the problem is even difficult to remedy.  Bring back vocational and technical training at the high school level – areas of education traditionally dominated by boys, who have this weird little quirk that makes them want to DO USEFUL SHIT.

shop class

The American system for preparing young people to lead productive and prosperous lives as adults is clearly badly broken.

Failure to aggressively overcome this challenge will surely erode the fabric of our society. The American Dream rests on the promise of economic opportunity, with a middle class lifestyle for those willing to work for it. Yet for the millions of young Americans entering adulthood lacking access to marketable skills, the American Dream may be just an illusion, unlikely ever to come within their grasp. If we fail to better prepare current and future teens and young adults, their frustration over scarce and inferior opportunities is likely to grow, along with economic inequality. The quality of their lives will be lower, the costs that they impose on society will be higher, and many of their potential contributions to society will go unrealized. This is a troubling prospect for any society and almost certainly a recipe for national decline.

For all the impressive gains women have made in education and labor force participation, they are incapable of preventing national decline, and indeed, may even be hastening it.

Girls don’t typically grow up to do useful shit that we NEED as an economy and society to survive.  Boys are the ones who grow into the men who do the hard, dirty, difficult, challenging work of creating our machines and keeping them running.  Work that typically doesn’t take place in an air-conditioned office, and tends to be hell on manicures.


The skilled trades sector is in precipitous decline, with few workers in the pipeline to replace the aging workforce.

The majority of those workers are men, and no doubt, will continue to be men, who express more interest in the skilled trades than women.

employment sector

We’re throwing away half of our young men of color, denying all young men the opportunity to learn the skills they need to contribute to society in the way they WANT TO which happens to coincide with the way we NEED them to, and the problem we’re gonna talk about is that they take up too much space on the trains?

trains high

The trains that men designed?

Most engineers are men.

That men built?

Most manufacturing, especially heavy manufacturing jobs are held by men.

That men drive?

Most train conductors are men. In fact, the 2010 census shows 0% of women working as locomotive engineers, which means there are a few, but not enough to reach 1% of the total workforce.

That men maintain?


Another 0% of women work as railroad brake, signal, and switch operators, while a whopping 6% of conductors and yardmasters are women.

I have an idea.  How about until we have a rail line with trains that were designed by women, built by women, maintained by women, driven by women –  how about women shut the fuck up about how much space men take up on the train?

And try taking up a little less space yourself.

women 5

And perhaps, just perhaps, we should start talking about just who is going to continue to run our national transportation network when we throw all our public resources into educating more baristas of arts and ignore the boys who will grow up to design, build, operate and maintain our basic infrastructure?

The patriarchy may be dead, but the matriarchy certainly isn’t, and it looks poised to bring the whole world to a standstill.


Force boys into smaller and smaller spaces, and you destroy us all.

How very clever.

Lots of love,


62 Responses to “People need to stop being dicks on the subway by taking up way too much space. Oh wait. No, just men need to stop doing that. More equality!”

  1. JBfan September 17, 2013 at 13:58 #

    TBH if I’m on a train I’m usually on a long journey to London or somewhere else, & I couldn’t care less if some silly cow from Jezebel or slate or wot not is giving me a funny look, I usually have a bag to carry, at least one changeover to make, and I’m too tired to be bothered if some delicate little flower’s sensibility is hurt just because I have the “audacity” to guard my bags (not a euphemism) and mind my own business.

    Also I don’t care who I sit next to as long as it’s not a baby, a drunk, or a gobby moron.


  2. Feminism Is A Lie September 18, 2013 at 03:48 #

    Uuuugh, these Tumblr blogs piss me off so much. I take public transport all the time and here’s the conclusion I’ve come to, which will probably surprise no one on this site. You ready?

    Based on my observations women, not men, are more likely to be obnoxious, take up unnecessary space (your bags are not a person) and be self-absorbed to the point where they don’t even notice the elderly people standing around while they gaze down at their smartphone, in their comfty seat which is reserved for the elderly. I have even seen women (mostly students) who DID notice elderly passengers board, but do nothing apart from continue sitting where they were, while the elderly are trying to get to the back of the bus as the bus is moving. To me, that is absolutely rude and selfish. Women with prams can really be some of the worst passengers. On one of my recent journeys, the driver let three women with large strollers on and yep, they blocked the whole damn aisle. It was lucky the bus had two exits (which I why I suspect the driver was more lenient, but really mate, tell them to wait for another one). One of the worst examples of absolute rudeness and selfishness though, was when I boarded the bus with an older lady who had her handicapped adult son with her. We get on the bus and the poor bloke cannot support himself well while standing, so as the bus was turning a corner, he crashed into a few other people and almost fell. Of course, some lazy bitch took up the seats reserved for the elderly or disabled with her stupid pram and as this man’s mother asked her to get up for him (yes, she HAD TO ASK), the lady gave her death glares. Wow. Death glares. For daring to ask for a seat for her son, who clearly did not have the capacity to stand without the risk of hurting himself or others. But of course, having a stroller on the bus means you cannot possibly have the ability to stand next to it, right?

    So in conclusion; in my experience, women are the assholes on public transport while men are more likely to stand up for ANYONE. Of course, this does not mean all women are rude, selfish assholes, but if we’re going by the example of these Tumblr blogs, then it is totally OK to label all women as rude, obnoxious assholes because hey, isn’t that equality? If men are assholes for having their legs open, women are assholes for not having the manners to get up for the elderly or the disabled.

    Also, notice how basically everything in a feminist discussion comes down to either vagina or penis. I’m guessing the creators and contributors to these blogs have a really, really bad case of penis envy.


    • Evelyn September 18, 2013 at 08:19 #

      I totally, completely agree with this comment. Where I am (I’m living in Asia), the rudest assholes on the trains/buses are always the women.
      Ok, maybe not all the time, but 99% of the time. I find that men willingly give up their seats to anyone they find needs it more than them, but not the women.

      And these applies to women of ALL ages. The younger ones, needless to say, don’t seem to have any manners these days. I always see the women literally rushing in to sit down when they see an empty seat, ‘fending off’ other competitors. They will always be the ones seated in the elderly seats, and always the ones so oblivious to their surroundings – either busy staring at their damn phones or at their own reflections on any reflecting surface. That, or they would be watching movies/silly dramas on their phones with the earphones plugged in, blocking everyone’s way and just being a damned nuisance. Women are also always the ones who will put their bags on an empty seat, push past people rudely to get where they want to etc.

      I also once had two effing bitches sit on either side of me and start a conversation with each other as if I did not exist. I was in the middle.. and I was initially SLEEPING, I was exhausted out from an entire day of meetings and events and I wanted a REST. fuck I was SOOO irritated. I kept glaring at those bitches and they went on as if nothing happened. and as usual these women are NEVER talking about anything useful or important. or anything of substance. they were talking about what they had for dinner the previous night. wad the fuck. that bit of conversation was so important that it warranted haven’t to talk across a stranger’s face???

      Anyway you get my point. the rudest, bitchiest people in the public transportation aren’t the men, its the women.

      I’m not gonna get started on the strollers as well. the stupid parents here will shove their way into a crowded train cabin with a stroller and everyone has to make way for them. and half of the time, their spoilt brat children don’t even NEED to be in a stroller. more than half the time, i will see kids who are completely capable of walking (3 years and older) still sitting in a stroller their stupid parents will be pushing around. and we wonder why kids these days grow up with all sorts of character issues. also, doesn’t carrying your children allow for more interaction with them than pushing them around in a stroller? so many stupid people in the world these days.


  3. cropduster September 20, 2013 at 20:52 #

    Oh yeah. The ones I love to hate are the females who deliberately block anyone from sitting next to them by sitting on the aisle seat and placing their bag next to them, thereby using not one but TWO seats.
    Needless to say, I make a point of excusing myself and climbing over them, whether or not there are any spare seats, just to piss them off. If I’m really feeling like gifting them with my largesse, I’ll even drop a quiet fart as I climb into the seat next to them.


  4. cropduster September 20, 2013 at 20:59 #

    Oh, and I just spotted this one:

    “Nearly half of young men of color age 15 to 24 who graduate from high school will end up unemployed, incarcerated or dead.”

    So you’re a big achiever, huh? Here’s news for you….. they’ll ALL finish up dead. That’s the way life works! Sheeeeit.


    • Ross September 21, 2013 at 22:18 #

      You are a goose, so you are saying that ALL men of colour 15-24 end up dead, so clearly Barrick Obama is not alive or he is somewhere between 15 & 24 try reading the sentence


    • judgybitch September 21, 2013 at 22:21 #

      Generally not at age 24.


  5. Erik Norén November 28, 2013 at 19:57 #

    This makes me want to mention both mechanical aides and expertsystems.

    Mechanical aides is such as the HAL exoskeleton which was developed for patients and to some extent nurses but which i can see develop into aides for construction workers letting them work more efficiently (maybe by cartying different tools).

    Expertsystems are such as the computer blue gene(? Something blue) which was on jeopardy and which they are now working on turning into a doctor. And of they can turn it into a doctor, why not a financialworker?

    In short society might shortly need less people for lots of proffessions.


  6. Steve (@steverific) December 23, 2014 at 21:43 #

    I wish I had taken a picture of the young lady on a TTC streetcar who chose to block 6 (six) seats with her bicycle while she occupied the seat behind them.
    7 seats for one passenger!



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