No you can’t have it ALL. You have to fucking share!

16 Nov

A while back, Ann Marie Slaughter wrote a piece for the Atlantic bemoaning the fact that once you have children, dammit, you have to take some responsibility for those children, and that really put a cramp in her professional plans.  She WANTS IT ALL, and has a very clever plan to simply change the basic psychology of human beings, so that women, in particular, can have EVERYTHING they want without having to pay any price for that.

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/

 

Here’s the thing Slaughter is missing:  NO ONE GETS TO HAVE IT ALL.  It’s ridiculous to even expect such a thing.  What does it mean to have it all anyways?  For Slaughter, it means having a fabulous, high profile, well-paid career that requires virtually all your waking time and energy AND having deep, meaningful, loving relationships with children AND having a fulfilling, close, connected marriage to a man who participates in equal amounts of housework and childcare AND having a organized, well run home AND having time to take care of personal needs for reflection and exercise AND being respected and admired for having all those things.

 

And that’s just insane.  Underwriting her piece is the idea that MEN somehow get to have it all, and WOMEN don’t and that must somehow be the fault of MEN because it sure as hell can’t be women’s fault, amirite?  Wake up, Slaughter.  No one person gets to have everything.  It’s physically and mentally impossible.  If you want loving, deep, meaningful relationships with your husband and children, you need to spend lots of time with them.  There is no way around that.  A 15 minute daily bitch session on the way to daycare ain’t gonna cut it.

 

There IS, in fact, a way to have it all.  Stop thinking in terms of individuals, and start thinking about family.  A FAMILY can have it all.  The balance Slaughter seeks needs to come in the form of her FAMILY having it all, and that contains some uncomfortable truths for many women, especially those holding the feminist banner high.

 

 

The simple biological truth is that women are best suited to take care of small children and infants.  A baby doesn’t grow inside her father’s body.  She doesn’t recognize the smell of her father from birth.  She doesn’t know the sound of his heartbeat, the cadence of his breathing, the hum of his digestive system.  A baby is fine-tuned to detect her own mother, because her life depends on it.  Her mother will feed her, calm her, protect her, keep her safe. Survival requires that mama stay close by.  Babies and toddlers don’t just PREFER their mothers, every cell of their bodies SCREAMS for her.  Which is not to say that babies don’t love their fathers.  Of course they do, but evolution has given them a strong preference for their mothers when they are small because she is the source of food and survival.

 

 

Being a proper mother takes time and effort and more time and then add some more time on top of that.  So in the modern world, if a woman wants to actually BE a mother and not just hire someone to take the responsibility on for her, what is she to do?

 

Isn’t it obvious?  She needs a partner.  The father of her children, who has as much interest in seeing them survive as she does. That part of the narrative always gets lost in articles like Slaughter’s.  Fathers love their children with as much intensity, passion, depth and fierceness as any woman ever has.  Working women whine “how come no one ever criticizes men with children for working long hours at the office”?  Men with children work long hours at the office or pick up extra shifts or work a second job on the side because that is how they SHOW their love.  Men embrace the responsibility and do what they need to do to take care of their families.

 

Men work long hours so their wives can be MOTHERS, proper mothers to the children they have created together.  That is how you have work/life balance.  One of you works, and the other creates the life worth working for. Younger women, who have tried the whole work while you have small children thing and found it desperately wanting, are returning in droves to the home with a male breadwinner in place, a family configuration that has worked for millennia, for obvious reasons.

 

 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1251873/What-women-want-2010-A-husband-wholl-main-breadwinner.html

 

And good for them, but I hope the realize that are giving up some very real power.  Being economically dependent on a man can be a dangerous thing, which is why all women should have some qualifications as an insurance policy against disaster.  But that’s not really what I’m talking about.  Most divorces are initiated by WOMEN.  The odds of your husband walking out and leaving you and HIS children to starve in the street are actually quite low, and you can make them even lower and here’s where we get to the heart of the matter.

 

If you want a man to spend his life and energy and talent taking care of you and the children you have together, he is going to need to get something from that bargain.  And that something is YOU.  Having someone else earn your living has a flip side:  you will need to be grateful, and to show that gratitude, every day.  Men who work so their wives can stay home have accepted a huge responsibility, and men seem to be willing to do this, but that responsibility comes with obligations.

 

If you accept your husband paying for your home, you have an obligation to make that a welcoming, joyful place to be.  If you accept your husband paying for all your food, you have an obligation to cook.  If you accept your husband working long hours so that he can care for his family, you have an obligation to keep that family in tact.  If you accept that he will come home tired and demoralized from the things he has to do all day, you accept the obligation to provide love, comfort, charm and a warm embrace.

 

And that’s just what feminism does not want women to do.  NO responsibilities, no obligations.  The only thing that counts is YOU!   You must have it all, all the time, with no cost.  Yeah well, go ahead and do that.  Don’t count on being happy.

 

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2012/11/16/the-missing-ingredient-to-womens-happiness/#comment-172508

 

Being a mother is a great privilege.  The instinctive love your child has for you and your body is one of the most profoundly moving experiences any human can go through.  But it comes with great responsibilities.  That child in your arms has a father, who loves him with all the same intensity as you.  You have an obligation to make certain that baby grows up protected by his father’s love. Once you have decided to bring another human being into existence, you have a moral responsibility to do the very best you can for that child.  And that means you need to be there.  Physically.

 

 

You take care of the baby, and let Daddy take care of you.  That’s how you have it all.  You share.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

 

 

8 Responses to “No you can’t have it ALL. You have to fucking share!”

  1. Rmaxd November 18, 2012 at 00:34 #

    Women need to watch more porn & read less mills & boones …

    They’d have a much more realistic idea of reality, instead of feeding their over bloated, over stuffed hypergamy

    Porn = keeping it real

    Trashy womens lit = deranged psychotic bitches …

    Plus they get to learn how to deep throat & the joys of skimpy dressed plumbers & handymen

    Porn should be classed as special ed,remedial classes for women everywhere

    A public service for crazed feminist bitches …

    • judgybitch November 18, 2012 at 13:46 #

      Hmm. I have no objection to porn, but I’m not really excited by watching it. I’ll take a hot book any day of the week.

      As long as everyone comprehends the difference between fantasy and reality, I think it’s all good.

  2. Astrokid.NJ November 19, 2012 at 21:40 #

    Damn.. make sure you lob this stick of dynamite at feminist sites every new and then. I bet 100$ they will say “this bitch wants us to return to the 50s”.

  3. Agent Smith January 7, 2013 at 08:05 #

    What bitches have when they do not have husbands? Chihuahuas

  4. Sarah Daniels January 11, 2013 at 00:57 #

    I don’t envy what responsibility men had outside the home at all but now women have burdened themselves with it too. Feminists made our lives just that little bit harder,

  5. Robert March 4, 2013 at 19:09 #

    Men have it all? Puleeeze. Who is floating this story? Maybe the top one tenth of one percent, and federal employees. The rest of us are working day and night like machines to support our families and take care of our responsibilities. Wanna trade places? But the point is, that an earnest, heartfelt smile of appreciation makes us get up the next day and do it all over again with gusto. I almost never got that from my wife, even though I’m still slogging away and, on paper, still married. (She would never be able to support herself and also has health issues.) Buyers remorse? You bet. But it doesn’t stop me from taking care of my responsibilities.

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