Dating single mothers? Just say NO! A note for all the single dudes.

First up, let’s clarify our terms.  A widow is NOT a single mother.  Her husband died!  Lumping her in with single mothers is an insult to his memory, to her and to her children.  So don’t even think of doing it.  Especially war widows.  If you ever find yourself referring to a woman whose husband died on a battlefield as a single mother, you should immediately pour Tabasco sauce into your eyes, because you deserve to weep all the tears I’m certain she has.

Divorced mothers are also NOT single mothers, although a huge flashing PROCEED WITH CAUTION sign is definitely in order.  We’ll get to these charming ladies later.

A single mother is a woman who had a child outside of any established relationship, or a relationship so fragile the thickest retard in the world ought to have been able to see bringing a child on board was a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA.  Single mothers are bona fide idiots and here is why you should never even consider dating one:

First, this is a woman who clearly doesn’t give a shit about her child’s well-being and future prospects.  Children of single mothers do poorly on every imaginable scale:  they have more emotional problems, experience more stress, are more likely to grow up poor, they have lower educational achievements and experience way more behavioral problems than children who grow up with married parents.  Depression, suicide, drug abuse, jail and psychiatric medications are all more common in populations of children raised by single mothers.

http://futureofchildren.org/publications/journals/article/index.xml?journalid=37&articleid=107&sectionid=692

Ladies, this is why abortion exists!  If you screw up and get pregnant, don’t screw up even more and bring an innocent child along with you!  The rest of us who have to LIVE with your fucked up, emotionally scarred children will PAY you to have a fucking abortion.  Be sensible, for the love of god.

Second, single mothers are clearly really, really shitty at making life decisions.  Having a child out of wedlock is pretty much the number one thing you can do to fuck up your life.  You can pick up a heroin addiction, drop out of high school, rob a bank or decide to write the great American novel financing yourself on your credit cards. All of those things can be fixed.  You can go to rehab, get your GED, get parole, and pay off those cards.  But once you have a child, you cannot take it back.  It’s done.

Third, single mothers profoundly misunderstand men.  There are few men who are overjoyed to spend their blood, sweat and tears on some other guy’s genetic offspring.  Remember the Cinderella Effect? (http://judgybitch.com/2012/10/27/of-course-gay-people-should-get-married-and-have-children-its-the-most-natural-thing-in-the-world/)

It’s real.  A modern man doesn’t turn up his nose at a woman with some sexual experience who might have learned a trick or two from previous lovers about what men REALLY like, or more likely, she learned how to FIND OUT, but the majority of men would like to see a NEW sign on her uterus.  No previous occupants.  When a man picks a wife, he wants to know he won’t be competing with some random babydaddy who was there before him.

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Decided-Not-To-Date-Single-Mothers/2017652

A woman who cares so little about her children, her own prospects, and her future husband is NOT going to make a great wife.  Sorry.  It’s just not going to happen.  A great wife and mother places the needs and happiness of her husband and children ABOVE her own needs, and in doing so, finds her greatest happiness.  So politically incorrect to say so, I know.  But a woman who makes YOU the center of her life is going to be a great wife.  Oh, and in return, you have to make HER the center of your life.

See how that works?  Yeah.  Not really a huge mystery.  You live for one another.  You both put each other’s happiness above your own.  Exactly what single mothers do NOT do.

Now divorced mothers, who are a breed of single mothers, MIGHT  be a little different, but whenever you approach one, sing this little song in your head:  it takes two to tango.

Never, ever assume a divorced woman is some innocent blushing maid cruelly abused by some terrible man.  Oh, that’s the story she’ll spin for you, because really, what women is going to sit there and say “I’m an unbearably controlling and irrational cunt who made my husband’s life such hell he decided he would rather be a weekend Dad than spend one more second with me”.

When you meet a divorced single mother, immediately start looking for the flaw.  It’s something big.  Something that drove another man to pledge his undying love to her, to have and to hold, from this day forth, and then sometime later decide “fuck this shit.  I’m outta here”. Stand firmly on guard.  Scan the horizon, dude.  Something wicked this way comes.  Or it soon will.

Divorced moms who escaped abusive marriages with drug/sex/gambling/whatever addicts should not get a free pass from you, either.  Even if it’s TRUE that the husband was a colossal fuck-up, you need to ask yourself what kind of imperceptive moron couldn’t spot that?  What kind of insecurities plague a woman who thinks getting married to a drug addict is  good idea?  What kind of delusional self-image does a woman have, if she can fall for a con artist with a gambling habit that would shame Charlie Sheen?  Be very cautious around a woman who takes none of the blame for her failed marriage.  You might not be the FIRST man she blames all her problems on, but you sure as hell can be NEXT.

Don’t be.

On the whole, give single and divorced mothers a pass.  And for the love of god, if you decide to give one a spin, STAY AWAY FROM THE CHILD.  That child is aching for a man to call his or her own.  Every child of a single mother lies awake at night in bed, longing for the Daddy he sees on TV, in books, in the lives of the other kids at school.  He wants you so badly.  Don’t let him fall in love.  You’ll break his heart.  Or hers.  Little girls long for daddies as much as little boys.

That’s the real danger.  The children of single mothers have already been wounded so deeply by the lack of a father.  To give them some hope that it might be YOU, and then leave them is unspeakably cruel.  It’s the worst thing you can do.  You can’t save those little innocents, but you can save them from hurting even more.

Don’t date single mothers.  It’s just not worth it.

Lots of love,

JB

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  • Luke

    MinnesotaSmith here again. Two lines to share with you, JB.

    1) No less than George Will said “Widowed is not divorced is not never-married”. Apt IMO.

    2) I came up with this, when a man starting to date is told by a woman with (say) two children tells him “You know you’ll never be more than third in importance in my life, after

    • Luke

      [Continuing] my kids”. He should respond, “That’s okay. To make it even, even if we married, you’ll just never be more than the third most important person in my life, either”. Watch her come unglued, with NO cogent response possible.
      Years ago, I coined this about women’s availability: “3 cats = 2 kids = 1 husband.” Simple algebra for figuring out how taken a woman already is.

    • Truthful Nacho

      Ha yeah dudes take a backseat to children. Sorry Charlie. You’re not the baby anymore.

  • http://supersonicburst.wordpress.com SupersonicBurst

    “Divorced moms who escaped abusive marriages with drug/sex/gambling/whatever addicts should not get a free pass from you, either. Even if it’s TRUE that the husband was a colossal fuck-up, you need to ask yourself what kind of imperceptive moron couldn’t spot that? What kind of insecurities plague a woman who thinks getting married to a drug addict is good idea? What kind of delusional self-image does a woman have, if she can fall for a con artist with a gambling habit that would shame Charlie Sheen? Be very cautious around a woman who takes none of the blame for her failed marriage. You might not be the FIRST man she blames all her problems on, but you sure as hell can be NEXT.”

    In the case of relationships that have broken down to abusive/violent/controlling partners, the abuse nearly always starts after marriage or the birth of the first child. To be fair, no one is psychic, male or female, and abusers don’t start abusing while there is still a chance or opportunity for the woman to leave the relationship. Once married, especially when there are children, that’s when it becomes difficult.

    • Sanguifer

      That, and the issue of people changing over time. Would You date someone who just parties a lot and, because of that, drinks regularly (at those parties?). Seems to be normal behavior. What if a heavy drinking problem only emerges after a major crisis down the road of life? Same with pretty much every other problems. People with tendencies towards violent behavior often do not show it as long as everything okay. Prior to marriage, and the increase of responsibilities and financial stress which nearly always comes with it – and manifold so with the birth of a child – everything is just okay. Or at least very nearly so. Can’t wait forever for mr. or ms. perfect, after all. People have their vices, and You can’t always predict whether they will get out of hand 10 years later.

      Not to mention there’s this whole affair of, You know, being in love. Which tends to make You not as perceptive about flaws that might be glaring to others. Or, even if You perceive them, You might be willing to dismiss them. Or simply unable to let go in spite of them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/athan.nyx Athan Nyx

    Do you have an article about idiot kids? I need one to send to my half brother. He and his girlfriend, at sixteen and seventeen, decided to have a kid together. Her family hates him, he has depression and the two bicker like the kids they are. Is there any polite way to call your half brother an idiot?

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      Well, if you’re in the US, I believe the polite term is “Republican”.

      Although “Democrat” works, too.

      😛

      • http://www.facebook.com/athan.nyx Athan Nyx

        So Conservative and Liberal. -is canadian-

        But yeah my half brother is an idiot. Being raised by my biomom who I am less than fond of and his father, no idea how involved his father is in this, I had been hoping my half brother would be alright before that point. Now I just sigh and hope I can eventually track him down to make sure he is ok at least.

        And a random note to get a better picture of how horrible my biological mother is… My half brother is almost to the dot two or three years younger than me. I was born the 29th and he the 30th.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.daniels.35175 Sarah Daniels

    Again this is a problem with how people are bought up and conditioned. There are several societal factors contributing to the vast amount of broken homes. The main one being the sexual revolution. People are conditioned left and right and centre from day 1 that sex is fine with someone you don’t really love or know. They think that if they use a condom there is no damage done. There is also this ‘me,me, me’ thing going on with today’s people. It’s all about their wants and their needs, not anybody else’s. A marriage or relationship is a 2 way thing. People sometimes have to deal with things they may not like and they have to sacrifice things for the other person. People go into adulthood these days wanting one big party, when in fact if one is taught that way unless they figure it out sooner rather than later they will just face and cause chaos.

    • wtfwtf13

      Very well said ! Nice to hear a woman NOT playing the victim or indulging standard blame games.

  • Robin

    I left my husband because he was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive of me. I was tired of being told “fuck you, cunt” if I needed anything at all from him. Oh, and for the record, he didn’t start treating me like this until our son was born. So now I’m single, but I’m NOT looking for another man! Too many seem to think a woman is just a vagina with some silicone around it. I’m enjoying my independent life. Nobody to terrorize, belittle, and use me ill. We share custody of our son, whom (luckily for him) Ex sees as a piece of himself, so he’s safe from the wholesale scorn and denigration that I got. Too many men are not really in their families, too many men are abusive. If it’s because of feminism that I was able to escape my Ex’s clutches, then I thank feminism. I agree wholeheartedly with sense and personal responsibility, but I don’t see that a lot of JudgyBitch’s points are incompatible with feminism, which is, after all the radical notion that women are people. Sorry if I’m defensive, I was told for 12 years that I was a subhuman by my husband. Not fun. I hope JB’s marriage stays good and her kids grow up to be all she hopes for. Too many women don’t get these wishes, though I bet they all wanted them.

    • http://gravatar.com/anniefors annie

      Ok. I think this blog is weird and silly, but I respect anyone with a dire need for attention. Verbal panty pooping is pretty popular these days. And bloggers do it best! It’s quite popular for “ladies and gentlemen” to pretend they’re living in the fifties–without the manners and intellect that went along with it. For example, regard the banality of The Red Pill Room. That’s worth a laugh and piddle. But who cares! Either enjoy their goofy romp or ignore them. They’re just not-overly-bright little tantrum fairies, Robin. I find them entertaining and enjoyable. Albeit a little benighted. But that’s just part of the fun. Pour yourself a dry martini, stack some Brubeck, and remember–these men and women are entertaining you with their dribble FOR FREE! You don’t have to tip them, you don’t have to pay their taxes, or their healthcare. They do this for attention and that’s what makes them so cute. <3

      • Ace

        Chicks who use the word Pidle, ugh.

    • lancelot

      With all due respect, that’s the exact sort of narrative that I think any man (or woman, if the roles are reversed) should be skeptical of:

      “I did nothing wrong! When I married him, my ex-husband seemed like one of the good guys. Then, out of the blue for no reason, he became a horrible, abusive monster! There was nothing I did to contribute to our marriage falling apart. There was nothing I could do to prevent it from happening. I had zero agency and zero responsibility throughout this whole ordeal that an unfair universe cruelly foisted upon me!”

      I mean I suppose it’s possible that some relationships fall apart in a completely unilateral fashion where one side deserves all of the blame. I’ve never seen one of those in action, though.

      • Got My 6

        Robin says: “I left my husband because he was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive of me. I was tired of being told “fuck you, cunt” if I needed anything at all from him. Oh, and for the record, he didn’t start treating me like this until our son was born.
        ———–
        Highly unlikely that Robin is innocent here. Vastly more likely that she had a major hand in creating this attitude in him.

        If the woman I married turned into a harridan I might start responding to her in this fashion (ugly & depressing as that might be). This type of behavior rarely arises Sua Sponte,

        • A.T.B

          I couldn’t agree more. It’s always the husband being verbally abusive. She is probably going overboard on this. This type of behavior doesn’t come out of nowhere.

    • http://judgybitch.com Rowena

      Good point, you need not apologise for making a decision to live in the dignity that God intended for you…and for being a good example that your children can learn of said dignity and self respect. Too many women are having to be forced to join the work force rather than being able to fulfill their best roles… and looking to remarry better and wiser somewhere down the road because of the very thing you endured…and not because they are stupid immoral skanks looking for a free ride.

      Men who cheat, are addicted to porn, cause bankruptcy, are drunkards, selfish, lazy and disconnected to their wives and children are not exactly wonderful to live with nor great role models for the children born to them. I have watched women turn into hollow spinless cowering messes from thinking that what they endured was a realistic portrayal of “love”.

      I would not classify myself as being a feminist…I would say that I am moral and have standards of human decency and respect for treating my husband the way I want to be treated…and if he does not, then we either negotiate about what is being brought to the table or there will be consequences…and that works both ways.

      If having had to watch my own back means that I would not be considered worthy of remarriage to a good fellow for having endured and then using common sense to escape such a man…and if I am the one to be scrutinized for HIS character issues which were brilliantly concealed or had later developed over the course of many years by his own poor choices, then I would perhaps elect to remain single too rather than being branded and rejected wholesale.

      Having said that, I have little respect for women who spread their legs, get pregnant and become single moms hoping to snag a man or to get EBT cards filled and free medical benefits…I have seen and paid for too much of that via my taxes for their “entitlement” mentality…and hopefully, there are plenty of men still left who use are able to use their brains to know the difference….but for equal consideration, what shall we say about those men who take advantage and don’t seem to care either…that “men will be men”?

    • wtfwtf13

      Ah! a typical feminist drone . All along you were the quintessential woman I suppose.
      Right off the bat this “I was tired of being told “fuck you, cunt” if I needed anything at all from him.” is very suspicious and doesn’t tell the full tale and your orgy of generalizations indicates why you would be a very easy catch for the feminists. BTW princesses would find anything and everything denigrating and SUBHUMAN because mere mortals just can’t reach their level.

    • http://notboutthing.blogspot.com Goober

      You realize that you’re proving jbs point, right? In that you stayed with a man who abused you and now think you’re better off without a man because “who needs the abuse?”

      Your new baseline is now that men are abusers and you’re happier without them. Jbs point is that men would do well to avoid crazy BS like yours.

      • wtfwtf13

        Yep! because society grants these idiots instant victim status they get away with blue murder. It’s always the other person’s fault !
        The West takes the cake for glorifying female mental illnesses.

        • SilentKnight

          wtfwtf13…I love you already! You are 100% correct. I would NEVER put up with my wife of 25+ years EVER playing the “victim”. She gives as good as she gets; and THAT earns my respect.

          Here is a perfect example of the feminut “truth”:

          If a woman cheats on a man, it is because he is not giving her something she NEEDS. If a man cheats on a woman, it is simply because he is a cheating bastard.

          Ever notice how to the feminists, it is ALWAYS the man’s fault? :)

    • freetofish

      Thank feminism. OK. Here’s the other side.

      My mother was a 2nd wave feminist. To her career was the most important thing. My siblings and I were raised by day care and were the first gen latch key kids in the early 80s. Stay at home mom, perish the thought!

      My father was a skilled tradesman up here in Canada. Work in his field dried up and he applied and received a green card to work in the US where they were desperate for men with his skills. I was 12 at the time. My feminist mother decided her personal career was more important than relocating so her kids could be with their father and keep the family unit intact. Remember, his choice was unemployment or relocation.

      Fast forward about 1.5 years and she divorced him as she “fell out of love” due to the time spent apart. Fell out of love with a man who lived for years in a shitty 15ft trailer so he could send home 90% of his income to support his kids and provide for the huge house and luxuries we and she enjoyed.

      Fast forward another couple years. In the summer before my senior year at high school I’m told she has fallen in love with a man who lives about 5hr drive away and we would be moving to his town so she could be with him. I ask can this not wait one year so I can graduate with all the friends i have grown up with? “No honey, you wouldn’t understand, but I need to do this for meeeeee”

      So, I got another part time job, working before and after school, and with the help of my father’s financial support got an apartment, told her to go enjoy herself and stayed and finished high school.

      That is feminism to me. It should be called MEism as that is what it is.

      • feeriker

        told her to go enjoy herself

        Was “enjoy” really the word you used here? :)~

        Seriously, what you describe is the story of so many of the lives of my own peers. BTW, I must challenge your contention that your generation of the early 80s was the FIRST latchkey generation. I came of age a decade earlier and easily more than half of my peers were the products of either divorced parents or parents in which both parents worked full time. I will grant, however, that your generation probably was the first in which a clear majority of you fell into that category. Sad and sobering at the same time.

      • Got My 6

        As very sad story, but unfortunately too common. >”Empowered feminists destroying their family & the mental health of their kids in order to “find themselves”. Feminism is ultimately, meism to the detriment of everyone else.

  • bigskymind@ymail.com

    This is the inconvenient truth. I like that you dont tip toe around what most men are thinking(behind their opposite views they spew in order to get laid from said single moms. Whats so bad about waiting for mr right to bring a kid in the world? Its a BIG decision ladies, and affects more then just you. The truth is, women will get bacxk what ever they give. You respect the notion of mr rights eventual pride, it will reward you. Dont complain if you were a myopic slut and now its not right that men only want you for hole to use. Tell youre kids to be wise instead of being in denial and not giving them a chance too.

    • SilentKnight

      How can it be a “big decision”? In feminist terms it is simple:

      A woman gets pregnant out of wedlock; it is HIS fault.

      What are HER options?
      1.SHE can decide to get an abortion, and essentially KILL his child.
      2.SHE can decide to have the child, and get married to the father.
      3.SHE can decide to have the child, and make HIM pay for 18 years.
      4.SHE can run to the local police and claim she was drunk, and have
      him arrested for rape, then go on the welfare while he waits to get
      out of prison and THEN has to pay her 18 years of child support.

      What are HIS options?
      1.He can agree to marry her.

      I am not seeing equality here. How is it that the whole “decision” is up to her, and the only one who has to pay for that decision is HIM?

  • Railstar

    I see an interesting pattern in the criticism from previous comments; the assumption that the man is looking for someone they can trap so they can abuse, and are willing to spend years on a relationship all in the hope of being able to abuse that person. WTF!? Who does that?

    • wtfwtf13

      Feminists say the darndest things and there are lots of idiots who believe them.

    • wtfwtf13

      It’s called psychological projection. They come to terms with the evil within themselves by projecting this evil on to others.

  • Frozen Tempest

    I am vehemently opposed to divorced people with children dating.

    I can’t imagine growing up in a household watching my divorced mom or dad trying to get laid. Its undignified and nothing short of child neglect in my opinion.

    They’ll be plenty of time to get your dick wet in your viagra years, dude. Right now, as a dad, be there for your children!

    • http://wdodman.wordpress.com wdodman

      That’s the most retarded thing I have ever heard. You think she should be able to take his income, his house, his kids AND deny him the ability to have sex? I’m sure your proposal would cause men to jump to the alter.

      • Sally

        The idiotic and narrow mindness of some of these people astound me. What concerns me more is that these people may breed! Referring to women as quote getting laid just shows a complete disrespect to women full stop! God forbid any of these empty air headed bone heads actually get a woman to commit to them in the first place. Relationships don’t work for a range of reasons and when it’s unfortunate yes sometimes they are children involved. As long as people are trying to do and be the best person they can be isn’t that the best role model for a child. I think these people should grow up and stop judging others in situations they know nothing about. God forbid if we were to judge you on your complete narrow minded ness and lack of intelligent arguments and responded its not a pretty picture! I would also be interested to know the ages and how many kids these responders actually have! How can you make comments on people and situations you know nothing about! I certainly wouldnt want my child being raised by these kind of people clearly lacking empthathy, understanding or compassion to others. I suggest you spend your energies making yourself a better person rather than judging every body else! What you say about others says far more about you. Be careful

        • flailer

          I see; So, you’re the *only one* allowed to judge??
          You use the words narrow-minded….
          It seems you’re painting a rather complete picture… of who?

          Your level of *brilliance* is typical. Just blame, or shame, the Man into what? Trusting you? Believing you? Oh right, you want his undying Respect and Love. Pitiful.

          p.s. i’m dating a twice divorced mother of 2. & she is the most amazing person in the world – bar none!!! …. That is until she turns on the weird, strange, demanding, victim-princess, emotional roller-coaster. That is when i walk out, for days or weeks at a time. Both her boys are finally getting a clear picture of rational vs irrational behavior, and are starting to see why Men leave Women. I’m happy to say that these boys will prolly be fine. Not all young Men will, particularly when raised by a woman (single, or if father not engaged in the household). But this woman, like so many others, will prolly NEVER grow-up and take responsibility for her own behavior.
          p.p.s. I have met one of the ex’s. Rather than completely dis-engaging (because of ex-wife’s batty behavior) he started drinking as he couldnt make heads or tails of her random irrationally. Sadly, he is still stuck in the bottle.

    • manfredkintop

      Agreed Frozen Tempest! Although it was not my decision to get divorced, and my kids are both teenagers with their own lives/social circles, etc., I think divorced parents with school age kids (either custodial or non-custodial) who date/get into other relationships are nothing more than selfish sycophantic prats. I made the mistake early on in my divorce, but soon came to my senses and have been nothing more than a dutiful parent and provider for almost 4 years since. Think about it, dating/relationship building takes time, effort, and resources away from the people who are supposed to come first in the lives of a parent. I know I’m in the minority with my views and really dont give a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks. I’m happy, and my kids dont need to compete with some stranger for my time or attention. All the arguments that are pro-dating/relationships post divorce are nothing more than selfish justification from those who are too weak/pitiful to try and be happy on their own.

      • Ron Reddick

        Ahh,
        Your one statement says it all on why a man should never date a divorced woman with kids, that they come first. In any relationship between a man and woman, i think the other should always come first. I have seen this tear apart marriages once the kids arrive, and it is usually the woman that puts the kids before her husband. Now kids are important, yes, but not more important then your spouse, and if you forget that, well, look for the divorce paperwork.

        And I see that as the big risk in dating a single mother, or divorced mother. The chances of you being number one in her life are slim to none.

        Just my 2 cents from years of observation.
        Ron

  • gypsy

    And what about single fathers? What is your veiw on them? As for me. I was a single mom for 4 years. I dated no one between my ex (whom i was with 2.5 years. He cheated on me with our teenage baby sitter) and my husband who was a single dad of three children. (divorce)

    • Gammosiuwong

      Single fathers you ask? Well, I’d question how he has the kids in the first place because it’s almost impossible to fight in court and win them such is the feminine bias. More likely his ex-wife was mad or bad. The likelihood is that he’s totally committed to them and any woman would have to play second fiddle. How many women want that? I agree with Frozen Tempest above. As a single father just accept (your choice not your ex’s) that dating can resume when they’ve left home. I did. Just about to go on my first date on Wednesday and very nervous….. At least this time it’s my brain that will be making the decision!

  • Jen

    I wish I wasn’t divorced.
    I am not saying I played no part in the downturn of the marriage. I have thought so much on how I could have made it different so my son would have his parents together. We both made so many mistakes. My ex says he shoulders more of the burden, but i was certainly not blameless: I was young and immature (twelve years his junior) and did not have a good role model. In the end, I wanted to work it out. He turned down counseling, and told me he probably never loved me and I didn’t have the maturity to fight no matter what and earn the love. At the very least, however, I have learned a lot about judging a person earlier on, who I am and what I want, and that things require effort and work and communication.

    I am not sure what the best to do always is now. My ex says I am a fantastic mother and pays a lot in support so I can continue staying home with my young child rather than working. It is a sacrifice but we had both agreed married it was for the best, so what would changing it say, really? We get along well. I am happy he steps up to take care of his son and they love each other. I wish he would spend more time with him, but beyond asking him to all I can do is make sure he doesn’t know he is turning down his requests. I never want him to think negatively if him, and he feels the same about me. We would not match well together at this point. He is happy in a polyamorous relationship and about to remarry. I could not be happy in a no monogamous relationship. I am very not jealous, but I have no desire to be with more than the person I love.

    It makes me sad to think I am at 24 likely to be alone. I know I am not the important things, but I read these accusations of crazy, and selfish, manhating, and money hungry. I would expect people think even more the last looking at me because I do not work, and I am not educated. I was in the too ten percent of my class in high school but I dropped out of college when I was pregnant. I certainly have my issues in that far. But am I so bad? Do I deserve to be alone forever because I am a single mother? I am loving, intelligent, nurturing, industrious, and loyal. I learned a lot from my mistakes.
    I know I should not bemoan it, because it is a result of my choices. I could work full time now and go to school full time and put my son in day care and prove myself “different.” if my choice and ex’s choice wasnt that this is best for my son. I could have realized what way things would go earlier, if I had been more mature.

    Yet, it still hurts to run into this all over the place. Diatribes against me (as it is a group that includes me). Am I such a bad person? Do I not have redemption?

    I hold hope, though. I haven’t dated yet. Scared of these comments about using single mothers for one thing; scared I bring someone else into my son’s life who is not there forever; scared of the stories about pedophiles targeting mothers. Yet I have started looking, cautiously. I have so much love in my heart to give. My son tried to tell me I should get married like daddy. He is just three.).
    If my ex can find love, surely I can, too? And the woman he is marrying is a great woman. Knowing about their preferences weirds me out, but they promise to not make it obvious to my son and in general we get along well.
    I am not sure what the point of all this is… Just reactions, I suppose.

    • deb

      My grandmother was a divorced single mom that was abused by her first husband. He was a drunk and a perfectionist and used to beat her. He expected a house full of children to be spic and span. Even if it takes two to tango I can assure you there could be nothing that she did that made her deserve the years of torment (even a visit from him after she divorced him). This all happened in an age where there was not as much support as there is today for women in this kind of situation.

      She got remarried to a guy after and they are still happily married. My grandmother was strong and held her own but it was a lot better for her and her children when she got remarried.

      I think what you are saying about single moms and divorced single moms isn’t right. You don’t know what happened to these people to make that kind of judgement. What if the single mom that isn’t married was raped and had the child because her religious beliefs go against taking even a fetus’ life. This woman has every right not to be seen a some irresponsible woman. And if she is mess for this reason or for some other reason, there is nothing wrong with giving her love, support that she needs to help her heal and help give her strength so that she can be there strong for her children.

      I know you say you are a judgy bitch and your rant here is just fucking wrong. Think a little more before you write this shit.

      • SS

        @deb

        Can’t discuss this openly eh? Too close to the flame?

        Seriously, JB is being a bit strong, but to not concede to any of her points that there is a much carnage because some women make selfish choices and those have terrible consequences on the children is wrong of you. An ex of mine blatantly said, at 15 no less, she DELIBERATELY got pregnant and didn’t give a whit about the father. She wanted his seed and that was all she wanted, nothing else. Now, you want to call that responsible behavior? By the way, she ended up completely losing all legal rights to that child by the time it was three.

        Irregardless, see the big picture and the complexities rather than spouting off on an emotional tantrum because this hits close to home.

  • jennifer

    Is this real or a joke?

  • Sony

    Why does it matter to you whether a man decides to date a single mother? Dating anyone involves a risk of getting swindled or hurt. I’m pretty sure that you do not live a bubble where ALL the men you have met who got married to a single mother live a miserable life. Expecting perfection out of marriage is a guaranteed disappointment. People like you who claim that there is this magic recipe of finding the perfect wife by taking steps A, B and C are not grounded to reality.

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  • Paul

    Thank you so much for this article!! I was actually confused about dating a Single mother myself, and recently went on a date with one. I was not sure if I should continue.

    Now I am sure I won’t!!!!

    Thank you so F’in Much!! :)

  • Anthony B.

    Wow, this really hit the nail on the head. Harsh, honest, and just what I needed to hear. I’ve been talking to a lady recently and was thinking of breaking my “no single mom’s” rule, but now I won’t!

    As a child of a divorced, single mother; everything written sounded exceptionally truthful.

  • ivy

    For all that was said in this.. Its bullshit.. Kill yourself please. You should have been aborted to save your poor mother and th rest of this world from another brainless cocky dumbass.

  • Muffy

    The divorce rate is very high, so many folks date single parents. A widow is a fucking single mother! Her husband is dead, so it’s just her raising the kids and paying the bills. Same goes for a widower. His wife is dead, so he’s raising the kids alone. Yes, divorced women and men are single parents. They no longer have a husband or wife. As much as I love and respect marriage, I always say I prefer kids being raised by single parents than to be raised in an unhealthy marriage. Your claim about kids being raised by single mothers all turning out bad is bullshit when you look at all the successful kids who were raised by single mothers. Yes, you’re an idiot if you continue to get impregnated by deadbeats, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve an actual good man if you meet one. That’s why step parents exist. Marry someone with kids, you become a step father or mother.

  • Ash

    You’re the fucking idiot that decided to generalize a population of females that you don’t know. Sure, I know PLENTY of single mothers that aren’t conscious of their daily decisions and the impact that it may have upon their child/children & that behavior is more well known rather than the percentage of single mothers who GREW UP when they had a kid upon natural instinct & decided to live up to if not excel in their role as a parent. Your outcome depends on your natural love for your own kid. So, before you decide to compile a huge population of women into being “idiots” who throw their child into an awful situation you should probably get out and talk to real people with real life stories. You’ve got absolutely no idea what you’re trying to preach about. And to say having a heroin addiction is a better option is absolutely insane. That kind of bull shit has a much more negative impact than raising a child alone. It IS possible. And reading this kind of ignorance on a shitty blog just gives me even more of a drive to live up to my dreams and expectations. So thanks!
    if not already obvious, I’m a single mother myself (dad is still in picture, living in another state and in college) & though we’re not together this has not affected my child’s life whatsoever.
    It’s all about your love for your child & your dedication to creating a positive/healthy environment for them.
    I was going to try to keep this post somewhat positive and peaceful but this kind of negativity and discouragement to rise above hardships is just downright disrespectful. I’m proud of myself. 20 years young & doing better than lots of “happily married” couples. graduated HS at 17, college degree by 20 & independently supporting (in my own condo) me & my daughter (who’s incredibly bright for her age) gives me way more pride than the unhappily married couples who stay together “just because they made a kid together” and feel the need to adapt to societies expectations of a normal household all the while they’re making their kids suffer and stress over their own relationship issues.

    But again, I assume you’re probably pretty uninformed of the world around you thus leading you to proceed with such judgmental accusations against a large group of HARD working mothers ( who should all be DAMN proud of their accomplishments )

    Also, last but not least… I’ve had ZERO problems finding good men willing to date and get to know me. But again, I’m just 20 years old. So as of now, so I haven’t allowed myself to “date” until I’ve fully got myself together.

    have a great day, I hope one day your mind will be opened up to seeing the other side of peoples faults and realizing that every individual handles their own speed bumps that come in life in their own manner.

    • Delgado

      Single mothers always claim that their offspring are absolutely fine. It makes you wonder where all the damaged children come from. I’d be interested to know what an impartial observer would make of your child…

    • Shlomo

      > “20 years young…graduated HS at 17, college degree by 20 & independently supporting (in my own condo) me & my daughter (who’s incredibly bright for her age)”

      Ain’t buyin’ it.

      Who cared for your kid when your were in high school/college?

      Who paid for your college?

      Who paid for your condo?

      Who says, aside from you, that your spawn is “incredibly bright” (especially since you have no other children to compare her to).

      Any guys hitting on you are doing so because of your age, not your “mothering” status. How many have offered to support you and Cupcake? Or would marrying cut-off all the government freebies you’re getting while “going it alone”?

    • TheTruthHurts

      Awww someone who makes terrible decisions is butt hurt cause the truth landed at her 20 year old mommy door step. Princess you should be more ashamed than feeling entitled. Did you fan teen moms on facebook?

  • tina

    It broke my heart reading your post. I am a single mother of two beautiful kids. I was 18years old when I had my daughter, she is now 8, and 20yrs old when my sin arrived. I have not been married but I do want to share this. Ever since I found out I was pregnant at17, i became a great mother. Sure, I make mistakes from time to time but who doesn’t as a parent. I work 50 hours a week in the medical field, go to school part time, and parent both of my kids full time. I will not be poor or give my children a sad and depressing life, my kids and I always have fun. They have structure, love, and a great respect for me at such young ages. I work my ass off to provide for them. I am now 26years old, have my own house that I got on my own and no man in my life, and if I do decide to date, the man would not meet my kids until much later. For you to write such negative things toward a woman who got pregnant and decided to be a single mother you should be ashaimed of yourself.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      And how many minutes a day do you see those “beautiful children?”

      19?

      That’s the average.

      Sorry. You fucked up. You may have done YOUR best, but you missed THE best by a country mile.

      • Sally

        Wow! poor you, the bitterness in your tone is fairly obvious you have some serious issues, Maybe you should exercise some compassion and offer some respect on those who may have made mistakes and are obviously taking the responsbility and actions to do the best she can to provide for her kids. obody is perfect and Yes that includes the bitter, judgemental and horrible person that you are who obviously only feels better about himself by juding others and putting other people down. If you were happy and fullfilled with your own life you would havbe more compassion and understanding but i guess how can you when you have never experienced a child. The love of a child is the most rewarding thing you will ever experience how can you possibly see this as a bad thing whether she is single or not

        • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

          Good reading comprehension, Sally.

          I have three children.

          And your argument is that I have “issues”? Outstanding way to tackle the actual points!

          Also, don’t bother replying. I have reached my capacity for stupid and irresponsible today.

        • Shlomo

          > “that includes the bitter, judgemental and horrible person that you are who obviously only feels better about himself by juding others and putting other people down.”

          You’re being ironic, right?

          If not, let me ‘splain. You pretend to be upset by someone who is “juding (?) others and putting other people down.” You do this by calling him “bitter” and “judgmental (?)” and “horrible.”

          To be so blind, so self-unaware, so into “blaming others for blaming,” you done gotsta be a feminist.

    • Shlomo

      > ” I work 50 hours a week in the medical field, go to school part time, and parent both of my kids full time”

      Impossible. More delusional femthink. Where are your kids when you’re working? When you’re in school? Who is REALLY raising them?

      You intentionally chose not to marry, intentionally denying your children a father. Then you work and go to school, denying them your time. Did your really have them to get government freebies?

  • Baby Girl

    Found your blog from reading Free the Animal and was poking around.

    I can agree that children of single moms can have a tough life, but I don’t think that means they should be killed in-utero. If you ask them, hard life or no, they’d probably prefer NOT being murdered.

    My brother got his GF pregnant when she was 16. Everyone told her to have an abortion. She refused. My brother was not a good father and his daughter was raised in a single-mom home. Her mother worked as a stripper for a good 10 years to pay the bills and take care of her kid.

    That kid grew up. She went to college. She earned a full scholarship to a university and now works as a reporter for a well known news agency. She has had a happy, successful and productive life so far.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      That’s a heartening story, but it’s also rare.

      That’s not the reality for most children born to poor single mothers.

      :(

    • Shlomo

      > “My brother got his GF pregnant”

      You mean she made him a father…right?

      It takes 2 to tango. He didn’t “get her” pregnant. They had sex and conception occurred, probably unexpectedly. How is that solely HIS doing?

  • http://twitter.com/eScarletLetter eScarletLetter (@eScarletLetter)

    Why not to date single mothers? Because I do not want to end up raising other men’s children. This rarely ends up well. Either you will not love him as much as your own children or he will not love you as much as his biological father. In any case this is a recipe for disaster. Putting aside all political correctness, in the end it is your own well being you need to protect. So raise your fucking standards for God sake.

  • sluggy

    Dear JB:
    So, if I read your post correctly, a widowed mom is not the same thing as a single (i.e., out-of-wedlock birth) mom, or a divorced mom? Are they safe to date then? I’d think they’d have just as much baggage.

    • deti

      sluggy:

      Read JB’s post. There are qualitative differences between widows, divorced mothers, and single mothers.

      The end of a widow’s marriage occurred through no fault of her own. She didn’t screw up in choosing her mate; she exhibits no real glaring flaws in selecting her mate; she had an at least adequately functioning relationship. She is probably OK to date and perhaps even marry so long as the man can handle following the memory of her dead husband.

      A divorced mom is qualitatively different. JB is right about this: every divorced woman I know blames her ex husband 100% for the failure of their marriage. I’ve yet to see a divorced woman take any of the responsibility for her marriage’s end. Oh, I’ve heard it all: “He was a manipulative brute. Or he was a wife-beater. Or he’s an insensitive prick who didn’t give a shit about me. Or he’s a drunk drug addicted layabout bum who kept us in poverty. Oh, I just had to get away! He was terrible!! And he doesn’t care for his kids!!” Same damn story. Every. Single. Time. Never once have I heard any divorced woman take ANY blame for her marriage’s end.

      And you would think : If the guy is really that bad, is she really that stupid that she couldn’t see it? “Well, no, I COULDN’T. Because he CHANGED after we got married.” Bullshit. You CHOSE not to see what was right in front of you.

      And every time when you really ask them, you really drill down, you find out she’s just as awful as she says her ex husband is. She’s immature, lazy, nagging, demanding. She married her bad boy BF at 19 because “he was just so hawt!” She went ahead and had sex with him and got knocked up “accidentally on purpose”. She’s materialistic. She sat on her fat ass watching Oprah and steadily gained weight. She spent them into bankruptcy. She shit tested him within an inch of his life. Or – and this is a big one – she wouldn’t have sex with him.

      A single mom is even worse than a divorced mom. For one, she’s really really bad at making life decisions. Think about it: she got knocked up out of wedlock. In today’s day and age, what rock are you living under that you don’t know how to avoid getting pregnant? You’re not a hero. You’re an idiot. And you’re thinking only of yourself and not your children who are going to do worse in every conceivable measure than children from intact homes.

      That, sluggy, is why a man should never ever date single moms or divorced moms.

    • Take Back Your Face!

      Sluggy, my opinion is that a single mom or single dad, even if widowed or widowered should generally not date while their children are young and living with them. The reason is because kids can get very attached to the “partners” of their parents and often suffer greater heartbreak and emotional turmoil when they couple breaks up.

      In the US at least this is a very common occurence and it happens several times over the course of a child’s life.

      The kids end up emotionally scarred and jaded about relationships by the age of 16.

  • Take Back Your Face!

    I’ve always been 100% against single parents dating. Nowadays though I find not a small number of people in my work and social circles being single dads and single moms.

    When they talk about their “girlfriends” or “boyfriends” or the “dating scene” in general I always ask them, “and you don’t feel you’re neglecting your children and putting them at risk with this behavior?”.

    As you can imagine I’ve lost a few “friends”. LOL!

    Its all good. I only want to surround myself with conscious, ethical people anyway.

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  • Di

    kiss my grits, I had 3 wonderful children out of wedlock , i was more prepared for children then a immature selfish man that was all about him only him him him. my children have finished school got married and given me 6 beautiful smart Grandchildren. Not all single moms are stupid. some are smarter then you think. raising children alone can be smarted then taking care of a lazy ass man that wants life given to him and a woman to wait on them hand and foot, so think twice before lump us all together. some of us work in reverse. but we get there.

    • http://progressivescan1.wordpress.com progressivescan1

      Really?

      Tell us more.

      What ages and gender are your children?

      If any of your children are female how come they found good man and you could not?

    • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

      Looks like the author hit a nerve.

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  • CombatMissionary

    I’d disagree with you on one point. As I think people should be responsible for their actions, and I think life is sacred, if two people make a “mistake,” I’d adopt a baby out or get married. I’ve got five kids of my own. I didn’t have sex before marriage because (religion aside) I felt I owed it to my wife and kids to do things right; don’t come into a marriage with possibilities of STD’s or other kids to take my attention from the family I was building. Marriage for me was (and is) a total commitment, and my wife and kids deserve total commitment without distraction. And a kid who’s conceived through no fault of their own doesn’t deserve to die because people made a “mistake.” They deserve to have a family with that same level of commitment. Adoption is the best choice to make if two prospective parents can’t make a commitment to each other. Abortion attempts to avoid responsibility for one’s actions and costs a human life.

    • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

      Abortion is taking responsibility, not avoiding it. It prevents people from existing in the first place, rather than forcing them into existence unwanted with their futures left entirely to chance.

      Don’t bad mouth abortion.

      • http://malcolmthecynic.wordpress.com malcolmthecynic

        That might work, if the children didn’t already exist before the abortion.

        • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

          Which they don’t. So there’s no problem.

          • http://malcolmthecynic.wordpress.com malcolmthecynic

            Make an argument. Your bland assertations aren’t adding anything. Why is a zygote not a human being, despite being a member of the species homo sapiens?

            Even the pro-abortion Judgy Bitch recognizes that you denying the fact that you’re killing a baby is a cowardly way to avoid responsibility.

          • Mike

            That’s actually a fairly easy question to answer. Personhood is a far more abstract concept than species. There is a definition for “species” that is very specific and about as objective as one could expect. “Person” is not such a rigid scientific term and lacks such a specific, objective definition because there is a significantly greater degree of subjectivity. That’s why what constitutes personhood is something that is debatable and remains a major point of contention between the two sides of the abortion debate. Each side claims a stance or definition that is not recognized or accepted by the other.

      • Natual and Free

        Oh, as a feminist I totally will bad mouth abortion. I’m an natural feminist, not an individual feminist and I can accept science and incorporate it into the betterment of women while owning up to the truth about women, men and children. The problem with single mothers is they shouldn’t have shagged someone who wasn’t a keeper to begin with and free sex with “no strings attached” is a damn trick that men sold women just to make them feel liberated and take all the blame once something doesn’t go according to plan. A woman that just wants to have sex and not vet a man to be in a stable relationship is being narcissistic. As a natural feminist, I reject abortion and the pill because those ideas came from MEN that have done nothing but prove they harm women, men and children a like. The Pill is a class one carcinogen according to the WHO but yah, women should totally take a cancer causing agent to chemically spay themselves so a man and jaunt around their internal organs with no consequence, like the man accepting how a woman basically functions. Plus, it’s duress. Women aren’t taught the billings method FIRST so they feel they HAVE to take the pill so they won’t get pregnant. Every woman SHOULD know how HER OWN BODY basically functions before she get’s other women telling her to take these synthetic hormones just to be “responsible”. Think about it, it’s a man telling women what they want. In history, if you get a nation going to war with another nation and they do an insane amount of damage to that nation, it can mess a way of life and thinking up for hundreds of years after words. And that’s only in a matter of a few years on average. Now, get men to tell women what they want for over 3000 years. It’s lost to the sands of time. But, I believe studying behavioural science can help us re-discover ourselves by passive observation. But hey, I doubt this will even get posted because dissenting voice against abortion and the pill these days automatically makes you hate women, right? And only God fearing good Christian women are against it, right? How’s that for judgy bitches…

        • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

          You’re not a feminist. Don’t pretend to be. You’re a misogynist and it’s clear in your comment. You’re also completely nuts.

        • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

          You’re not a feminist. You’re a misogynist. You prove it in your comment. Also proven in your comment: you’re completely nuts.

          I seriously don’t even know where to begin with you, but here goes.

          1. You’re not a feminist because you think women need men.
          2. You’re not a feminist because you don’t think women are capable of making their own decisions and only do what men want.
          3. You’re not a feminist because you don’t think women’s bodies belong to themselves such that they’re able to have sexual relationships like healthy adults.
          3. You’re not a feminist because you don’t think women should be able to control their own fertility such as by means of taking birth control to prevent pregnancy, pregnancy being a condition that is both damaging to a woman’s lifestyle (career, education, mobility, finances) and very life (it’s fucking dangerous.) And the pill is not a carcinogen you moron.
          4. You’re not a feminist because you oppose abortion care, even though you KNOW that blocking safe access to it gets women, who unlike fetuses are actual people, KILLED. It’s clear that you don’t see women as full people, but public property, breeding machinery. You don’t get to pretend to be a feminist when YOU KILL WOMEN.

          • Micha Elyi

            You’re not a feminist. You’re a misogynist.
            –Childfree Voice

            All feminists are misogynists.

            1. Feminists hate women because they think women need feminists.

            2. Feminists hate women because they don’t think women are capable of making their own decisions and only do what men want.

            3. Feminists hate women because they (1) think of women’s bodies as property and (2) insist that women should slut around and exhibit other pathological sexual behaviors, ignoring that the sexual relationships of healthy adults are heterosexual, monogamous, and take place exclusively within marriage.

            3. Feminists have trouble with numbers (Stassinopoulos, Ariana. 1972); this may be linked to the feminist hatred of women because women’s bodies can be fruitful and multiply. Feminists insist on denying the basic biology of women’s bodies; whether explicitly or implicitly, feminists consider female fertility a disease. Feminists are so hateful of women that feminists insist a woman must suppress her fertility by sending deadly poisons, cutting instruments, or mechanical devices into their wombs; feminists believe women are too weak willed to be abstinent. Feminists are so hateful of femaleness that they imagine that ingesting chemicals to suppress the natural functions of the healthy female body is something to be desired, as if the uniquely female power to be pregnant were a disease. The hormonal ingredients of the so-called birth control pill are listed as a carcinogen by international medical experts yet feminists hold women in so much contempt that feminists believe they can bully women into ignoring the science by bellowing “is not” when scientific fact goes contrary to feminist whim.

            4. Feminists hate women because feminists consider abortion to be a form of medical “care”. Feminists believe killing is “care” and that women are too stupid to know better. Feminists believe women are too stupid to know the scientific fact that the unborn in the womb are human beings, i.e. people, and that women should be so immoral and without conscience as to kill innocent people. It’s clear that feminists don’t see women as full people but as some kind of feral beast that kills her own offspring for a little more food or other material gain. Feminists hate women because they obsess over women as “public property, breeding machinery” (machinery feminists wish to control). Feminists don’t get to pretend to be friendly toward women when feminists KILL WOMEN.

          • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

            You clearly don’t know what a feminist is. Feminism is (and I love this quote) “the radical idea that women are people.” You are therefore either a feminist or a misogynist.

            1. Saying that feminism is misogynist is like saying racial equality is racist. It just makes you sound as ignorant as you must be.

            2. Feminism is actually the exact opposite of that. It’s about women making our own choices and not being dictated by men.

            3. Most feminists are mothers. You are just being ignorant. Feminism just means that women, being capable of making our own decisions, get to make our own decisions. We get to decide whether we breed or not based on whether or not we WANT to, and many do. What’s misogynist is reducing women to mindless animals, as if breeding is all we are good for, as YOU do.

            4. Abortion is a form of medical care. It saves women’s LIVES. Why do you hate women so much that you want them to die?

          • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

            Your boring recitation of feminist doctrine is about as interesting as listening to flat earthers trot out their idiocy.

            Goodbye.

            You are welcome to read the blog, and maybe learn something that isn’t pure ideological bullshit, but you are done commenting.

          • http://gravatar.com/spartan416 Eli

            To address your first point: The feeling is mutual, men don’t need women either. We can go our own way. We can cook and clean on our own. We can save or money or spend it on our own interests instead of buying the wife expensive purses and jewelry. We don’t need to put up with nagging. We can leave the house anytime we want. We can come back home anytime we want. We can have sex with multiple women (if we choose to do it in the first place). We can focus on our carrers/businesses. Personally, I thing the ancient male gender roles of protector/provider/workhorse were much worse than the status of children which women endured under “patriarchy”. The 20th century has marked the liberation of women. The 21st shall mark the liberation of men. Soon lifeboats will no longer be “For women and children only.”

            To address your second point: As a feminist, would you support a woman’s independent decision to work in a strip club, work as an escort/call girl, or act in a porno flick?

          • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

            Eli,

            You are totally wasting your time. Ideologues have minds mired in concrete. They do not want to learn anything new – and will twist everything to confirm what they already believe so they don’t have to go to any trouble like thinking or analyzing.

          • Joe

            That is not an argument.

  • spaks

    Hi there! By going through this topic had brought second thoughts in my mind regarding my relationship, I’m currently dating a single mom of a 3 year old son, we both love each other. When it was the early stages of our relationship she informed me that she had broke up with the father of her child due to some certain circumstances. At sometimes her son talks about his dad of which that makes me feel sad, I had introduced her to my mom but initially she didn’t like her becouse she’s got a child and my mom once asked why am I dating a women with a child while I don’t have one but according to my observation they are in good terms now . I’m really confused, I do nt know if I should continue or jst end the relationship. Please help I really need some advice.

    • Dave

      I have been there done that. Get out now. JB has not even covered serveral more reasons why this is an extremely bad idea for you. Yeah it will not be pleasant to leave. However trust me you will regret it if you stay. There will be a much better woman for you in the future. End it now and move on to better things.

  • Arcani

    Going to have to disagree with your whole assessment here. When I met my wife she already had a daughter. If I’d followed your advice I would have passed up the most amazing woman I’ve ever met and wouldn’t have a stepdaughter that I would lay down my life for. I also wouldn’t have another daughter (and a son on the way). We’re also looking at adoption or fostering. I would have missed all of this if I had judged her on the fact that she already had a child.

    People fuck up. Sometimes it’s a big time one. But I believe that you should judge each person and situation on its own merit, and not rubber-stamp them all as dumbasses or bitches.

    • Trac

      I agree with you completely. If anything the ones you have to watch out for are the women who have more than 3 kids with 3 different men now thats a warning sign. If you have one or multiple kids with just one man that is a different situation all together.

    • Taylor

      The reality is it’s impossible for people in this world to not ever date a single parent giving many folks are divorced. While others have a deceased mate or never were married. My big brother is married to a woman who was a single mother. Her and my brother dated in high school, broke up, moved on to other people, then hooked back up 5 or 6 years later. She had a young daughter by then. Her daughter’s father never left his daughter’s life and she’s going to be 16 years old next month. My brother became a father for the first time 7 years ago. Her and brother have a son together. Even rich people are single parents because they are no longer with their wife, husband or boyfriend or girlfriend.

      • jabrwok

        “She and”, not “her and”. Nitpick, but it grates on my nerves to see those kinds of grammatical errors.

        • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

          I thought you were talking about me for a second!

          These are all first drafts, so feel free to nitpick my grammar.

          I’m generally grateful. My ideas are dumb enough, right? I might as well express them as gooder as possible.

          😛

          • jabrwok

            Most of your ideas I like:-). I was actually critiquing Taylor’s comment. I know Grammar Nazi’s are annoying, but if no one points out the mistakes, then they’ll never go away!

            Keep up the good writing.

        • Taylor

          I’m okay with your corrections. We don’t always review our comments before we post them : )

          • http://gravatar.com/jabrwok jabrwok

            Glad I didn’t offend (which I’ve been known to do on occasion:-).

      • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

        It’s impossible to avoid dating single parents? Um no.

        First off, childless/childfree people exist in all age groups and in growing numbers.

        Secondly, even if everyone was a parent, that wouldn’t mean I’d have to date one. I wouldn’t have to date violent alcoholics if that’s all that was available. Another, better, option would be it to date at all of dating a single parent would make me less happy than simply being single.

    • http://jonesingaround.wordpress.com jonesingaround

      I agree. I was a single mother due to my partner of 8 years choosing alcohol over his child and myself, I am now married to an awesome man and we now have a child on the way. There will be a 10 year gap between my daughter and our new born, I wanted to be sure before I had another child.

    • hun6

      Arcani you make an amazing point! JB is just not taking those scenarios into consideration. I had my daughter when I was 15, married at 16 (Las Vegas!) and by 21 I realized what an extreme fuck I did. (We were both way too young to realize the work a great relationship needed) . Now 23 (and divorced) I consider myself a good catch. I have two bachelor degrees, an amazing job and well off financially. My daughter has a great relationship with her dad and with me. I doubt I am the odd one out. Plenty of girls could be in this situation as well. As for abortion, I never considered it an option and I am glad I did not. My little girl is doing very well in school btw 😉 .

      • angiemay

        Dear hun6,
        I am glad you did not consider abortion. I think it was because of that choice, you are where you are now. I was 21 and had an abortion because I was not ready to have a child and my boyfriend did not want to make a commitment. I have regretted my decision ever since.
        Not only do I think about who my child could have been then and now, I feel incredibly guilty that I ended an innocent life so that I could live my life the way I wanted.
        I did not take up the opportunity to take responsibility for my actions and look after a life I indirectly took part to bring into this world. Abortion helped me run away from the responsibility that I was supposed to take up for the choices I made, i.e. having sex.
        This had far-reaching consequences in my life. I am behind in my career because I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to. With this attitude, I did not demonstrate my commitment to my job because I did not feel like it. I skived from work because I did not feel like going or because I just wanted to something else. It has taken me 10 years to be where I am at my job when others took 7-8 years. I feel that I could have grown up quicker if I did not take the easy option of abortion at 21.
        Moreover, I still don’t get how people think that life does not start in the womb, in a collection of cells. All of us started like that and that’s why when we kill someone else, it is murder.

    • http://www.thetruthaboutguns.com John Yossarian

      Good post – But remember, just because you fnid the exception to the rule, it doesn’t break the rule. I think Judgybitch’s article is spot-on, in that it can teach people what to look out for – the warning signs. Happily, your wife probably didn’t display any of those signs. Glad you found a winner! – Yossarian

  • http://gravatar.com/groenlandia groenlandia

    a single mum with a child can never marry anyone again or date…shes already been married already had a child and for a single guy to involve with a single mum is wasting his time buying a used car with a damaged engine ready to blow up at a young age, every single mum says shes divorced but speaks to her ”x” husband at least once a week due to the child…they may as well be married again….you can never give yourself to a single mum. Your giving yourself to single mum child and x husband,,,he will always be in the picture ! when you buy a new car you don’t intend to share it with a stranger every now and then good luck

  • A.T.B

    I understand that we should not judge. However, I am not going to ever be dad number 2 just because the ex decided to marry some type of bad boy criminal unless the spirit from up above told me to marry. It would be like me marrying a heavy hard drug user (because she looked good) hoping she would change when we had kids. If the husband committed adultery, if the husband died, that would be one thing. Call me judging, I like to smoke tobacco, work out, and date, have a few on the weekends but won’t have sex till marriage (ya weird huh?). Hearing a one side story from the ex saying he was all bad and no adultery occurred, isn’t really enough to make me want to get to know her. Or I was young and dumb? Doesn’t work either. And if adultery did occur, she would have to prove that there is no more feelings for each other. I admit, I had a longtime girlfriend where it took me a long time for us to get over each other. So, until things are done with your ex (that you had kids with), don’t dive into dating another male just because you are bored. Remember this is my point of view, there would be guys that go into it but it’s just not me. I don’t like to feel like I’m number 2. And no, I’m not the guy that would ever go out with a single mom or a single women just to have sex. We are not judging when we choose not to hang out with someone. Just like someone has the right not to date me because I like tobacco products and eat healthy all the time. That’s where things have gone wrong. By the way, I’m 30 and not married and never have. Waiting for the right person.

  • wanetta

    Thanks. You’re a sweet person God bless you:-

  • D

    Bravo! Bravo! It’s about time someone challenged the socially popular and out-of-date consensus that single moms (widows excluded) are some sort of angelic, ambivalent, selfless people. On the contrary… I’ve dated a few single mothers and they have been the most selfish, manipulative, self-victimizing and flat out crazy people I have ever met. It is so painfully bad that “you” have to start taking the child’s feelings and phsycological/emotional health into consideration because they sure as hell aren’t. And they aren’t even your kid! They have these children not because they want a child, not because they want to enrich their lives with these gifts… Simply I find that most of them are with Deustch bags and somehow in all their wisdom they think having a kid will make it all better. Surprise! It didn’t. Now they make themselves some sort of victim of a uncontrollable natural disaster and some kind hearted guy should help them carry the burden of their poor life choices… No thanks. Been there, done that! Just think… How many of them will say, “my babies daddy is a great guy..” Ummm… It’s ok I’ll wait for that answer… Exactly! None. Then the answered usually with some tyrad about how terrible he was. And if that’s the case try asking them what they thought they did wrong… It’s on I’ll wait for that answer too… Ya exactly! You’ll never hear it. I find something very wrong with a women who can’t readily tell you her part in a failed relationship or marriage. Even if it’s 90% him and 10% her… There is still 10% she needs to own up to. It’s simple… For one to own up to their part in something like that it takes a high level of humility and self-reflection Which they don’t possess… My advice.. Run!

  • Anna
  • whatthefuck?

    Is this for real or a troll? Are you honestly saying all women should abort any child they have out of wed lock? I was a child born out of wedlock/out of a relationship and as far as I know I’m doing fine. I am married, three kids, we own a home, pay our bills, I have an immense interest in science, math literature, science, went to school, no issues with the law, no depression etc. Are you saying I don’t deserve to be alive because my mother had sex with a boy when she wasn’t married? That doesn’t really seem fair.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      You’re an outlier, dude. Not many children of single mothers turn out like you.

      Eight different educational outcomes are compared for 409 children in single-father, 3,483 in single-mother, and 14,269 children in biological two-parent families. Children from single-father and single-mother families perform roughly the same in school, but both are outperformed by children from two-parent families.

      http://jfi.sagepub.com/content/15/1/129.short

      • http://www.southernmanblog.com Southern Man

        That’s the only part of your post with which I disagree. My view on abortion is simple: Thou shalt not kill. I’ve made this clear to both my daughters and my son. It is the height of immorality to murder an unborn child that was the result of consensual sex.

        • http://gravatar.com/jabrwok jabrwok

          You’re leaving a caveat in that opens a whole can of worms. “Consensual”. A child of rape is still an innocent. Requiring the woman to bear her rapists child is not particularly kind, granted, but allowing her to kill it just compounds the wrong. It also encourages women to claim rape in order to get an abortion, which perverse incentive we really don’t need.

          JB has said that the idea of artificial uteri creeps her out, but given the means to transfer a conceptus from its mother’s womb into an artificial environment where it can be brought safely to term would essentially end the abortion debate altogether, AND give fathers the kinds of reproductive rights currently restricted to women. Which is why I don’t expect to see the technology developed in the West. It would undermine the female-supremacy movement.

        • Scott

          So…if you crush an acorn…you’re killing a tree??? Horse feathers. It’s just tissue. It would never know, and, if you’re xian, the little tyke just goes back to the big daddy in the sky. Given the fact that women spontaneously miscarry about 38% of the time and not know it….THAT would make god the biggest abortion provider in the world…

          • Micha Elyi

            …THAT would make god the biggest abortion provider in the world.
            –Scott

            It’s cute when atheists try to invoke God in their arguments.

            God is not for atheists (or anybody else) to judge. As for the observation that we do not live in a perfect world but a fallen one, that’s something not caused by God. This is something atheists and Christians agree upon.

            [W]omen spontaneously miscarry about 38% of the time and not know it…

            So? That some pregnancies end short of birth through no fault of the women involved does not excuse the women who intentionally cause other infants in the womb to die.

            It’s just tissue.

            Now for the science. Empirical science says yes, an acorn is the immature form of a tree. The acorn and the tree the acorn matured into is the same individual thing. Science shows that acorns or human zygotes are not “just tissue”. Science was invented by Christians, by the way, so when atheists try to use it in hopes of scoring some kind of atheist point they only end up looking foolish. But as Scripture says, “The fool in his heart says there is no God.”

            P.S. If you knew much about the Christian or Judaic faiths, Scott, you’d know that God is neither a “big daddy” or plate of spaghetti “in the sky”. If you don’t know about God, Scott, simply say “I don’t know” or take the philosopher Wittgenstein’s advice: of which you cannot speak, pass over in silence.

        • http://childfreevoices.com Childfree Voice

          Abortion is not murder and there is no such thing as an “unborn child.” Abortion prevents children.

          Get your facts straight before you go poisoning any young minds.

          • http://malcolmthecynic.wordpress.com malcolmthecynic

            Facts straight my ass. By every reasonable scientific definition a zygote is a member of the species homo sapiens. If you want to claim that somehow it’s not a “person” you’re going to have to come up with rationalizations that lead to all sorts of absurd conclusions and end up being arbitrary anyway. This comment holds no water.

      • Above

        All studies have flaws. And actually many children from single mothers turn out like that. My brother and I turned out great. We both hold Bachelor’s degrees and have stable and noncriminal lives.

        • Taylor

          Yep. Many of our parents never thought their marriage would end and it did. Divorce is not going away ever. I will always believe in two parent households, but life is not Candy Land. Shit happens.

  • Eldon

    I seriously dated a single women with three kids- it was a horrible mistake. I started dating here after my first wife left me (we did not have children), and I was devistated. The single mom was a co-worker (another dating no-no) , that was very kind to me.
    I found her attractive, and personality wise we were very compatible. It was the situation that sucked. I loved one of the children very much- one of them would tell me whatever I did was not as good as his father did, and the other kid was just sort of there. I had to deal with her getting the calls from the ex, and his family. If she had a babysitter she wanted to spend time with her friends, I guess because I was there when the kids were around. Nothing you can do is good enough for the kids, and you will always be second to HIS Family. She would say that we were “soul mates”, but if we were we would have met before she met the loser that ruined her for me. We dated for over a year, and I was never really happy. When I would hug her or be intimate with her, I felt guilt that I was with another man’s woman.
    We split up, and since then I have met a wonderful woman. She doesn’t have ex’es calling her, and NO children. I can see being with her for life, and having OUR children together. That is the way it should be.
    I think the ex (single mom) was planning on getting pregnant with my child, because she started dating another guy after ,me, and got pregnant within three months. That’s the thing with some of these single mom’s- they will try to trap you with a token kid, then you are kind of stuck in their spider web, so to speak.
    Avoid them like the plague- even when things are going good- it never is the ideal situation.

    • Lucy

      Yes that is the modis operandi. I have seen this so many time. She will get pregnant on purpose because she needs help with her life. Before I met my husband, he dated a single mom with a child. He told me they had unprotected sex a lot. (he was so damn lucky) I was thinking, why wuold someone do that, knowing how hard it was to already be a single mom. (light bulb went on)

  • Dave

    There are several posters on here claiming to be good single mothers. They miss the point entirely due to their continued focus on themselves. They are an extremely unwise chioce for a man. Never date a single mother. The risks are far, far too high and the rewards are much lower.

  • Mr. Cool

    Excellent article, very well articulated and spot on! I have made the mistake of dating single mothers in the past as well, and the problems I experienced were almost identical in all three relationships, which tells me today that dating a single mother should be the very LAST option for a man seeking a relationship. Get a dog if you’re lonely, you will find someone one day who’s not carrying around the relationship killer called a child. I don’t dislike children, just don’t want to be in a relationship where I will always come in as number four. Of course number one is the child, then the mother, then the biological father, then lastly you. Why punish yourself?

  • bree

    Were it not for feminism, abortion wouldn’t be an option.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      You’re talking second wave. No one questions that the original intent of feminism was and is a social good.

      But we’re past that. Way past it.

      And quite frankly, Bree, you aren’t bringing anything interesting to this conversation at all. You’re simply spewing ideological doctrine with no awareness or critical analysis.

      You’re boring.

      We’ve heard it all before.

      • http://malcolmthecynic.wordpress.com malcolmthecynic

        Who says that nobody questions that the original intent of feminism was and is a social good?

        I question it mightily. MAYBE, maybe, suffrage was a good thing. But the redefinition of men and women as “equal”? No, sorry, not in the sense of the word that they meant it.

  • GET THAT!!

    i am a divorced single parent. very independant and have been single for past 5.5 years. i work fulltime as an accounts receivable person. i am very proud of my only 10 year old girl. i believe she is more sensible and mature than any adults here. she is kind caring and compassionate. she loves sports and dancing. i am quite shocked and amazed by the negative and judgemental comments… personally i would not date a single man… i think they are are irresponsible, immature, dependant… all they are in for is sex sex sex…

    • Dave

      So we are the judgemental ones yet according to you single men are all “irresponsible, immature, dependant and [only want sex]”!!!
      Therefore you don’t date single men. This implies you date attached or married men. mmmm.
      I note that the child is referred to as “my child” and the father is not mentioned. Any man can see the way you will treat him if he was to have a child with you. Of course you only attract the type you have experienced. You have made it quite plain how you would eventually treat responsible, mature, independant, genuine, sincere, single men. That’s why you don’t experience any.

  • Kenneth Clemons

    Everyone has a right , a preference who to date or marry.I have a right to choose . It’s just some people can’t handle TRUTH, some people can embrace its reality and those who can’t or refuse reality. I had done some research about this topic. I saw this video on YouTube last year I came across about not dating single mothers. The video , of course had mixed criticism. A rebuttal of that video was soon made by a single mom, explaining why she dont date single men with no kids. Of course, mixed criticism from video. Soon after, another video i found was another rebuttal, to point out or make clear from the criticism, it wasn’t about attacking single moms, just stating the facts. .that’s it. The video made it crystal clear that single men without men choose to date women without kids based on preferences. It feels applying for a job application, if you don’t have the qualifications, you’re not hired.
    I think of prejudice when single parents feel alienated due to the fact that they have kids, an automatic strike that most childfree adults keep in mind.
    To all single parents whom reading this comments, it’s about PREFERENCES. , no prejudice nor presecutation. don’t be uspet , i have been rejected from job opportunities to nice looking women, how do you think I feel!
    I would cheat myself the opportunity to raise my own kids , one day i will have that chance.

  • Evgeniya

    One more thing i want to tell to all man over there. You know wich children from single parents families end up on the wrong side of life? Children from the single mothers familes who are bitter and from the young age put children against their fathers and extended families by saying shit and how unfair and shity their father was. Thay victimise the father and thay dont have a clue that by doing so thay victimise the child. Thay make child fors child to make a choise between parents making child believe that if he s gona choose 50-50 or dad he will automatically “betray” the mother. This mental torture sands most of them over the adge. Only mentaly strong have a chance…. only child who is not secure about his dad about place wich he has in his life will say to mams boyfriend things like “my dad does this better” child is desperate…. and yes you ran from this women. As fast as you can…. Bottom line there are lots of us single mams out there. But we are not the same. Only one thing is common. No one of us has planned to be where we are rasing child in my case a boy on our own and you say how can woman rase a man? Have no clue! Step by step. I guess…. good grades, good sport, airfors cadets school at 13 if he likes and teach him how to be a man who stands for what is right in life.

    • Tara

      It saddens me that people look down on single mothers so frequently. Although I am of the “divorced” single mom type, it’s unfair to group single mothers as more flawed than the single without children variety. I’ve done this for 4 years with my three babies. My ex husband, who happens to be an engineer (I was always attracted to the very smart guys, just so happens that some very intelligent people use their intelligence for evil) admitted to a very very dysfunctional, unsafe (with unlawful actions) double life one day out of the blue. While devastating, after many months and taking time to heal and being patient with one another during the painful process, the children and I were able to move past it fairly well. I work 32 hours a week, own my own home in a very nice neighborhood, take my kids to soccer practice and games, we eat meals together, talk about their day, work on homework, etc. His admission was shocking to his parents, my parents, friends, etc. It’s interesting because I’d heard of people finding out that their spouse was into this terrible thing and I’d judge them and think, “yeah right! They HAD to know, there is NO way they didn’t!
      Then it happened to me. Never say never and try not to judge or you may eat your words in the future!

      • Lucy

        And I suppose none of that was your fault. I don’t suppose your mom or dad, or good friends told you not to marry him, but you went ahead anyway. That’s the problem I have with a lot of single moms, it’s always his fault or someone elses fault. IMO 80 percent of the time it’s the woman. I don’t hear men say, I need to find my soul mate and ditch their husband. I am a woman and I have seen this same thing too many times to count.

  • Dinana

    Wow!! Perception is an asociety’s hung. Society holds a judgemental attitude for just about all of us in someway, whether you are a single parent, of a particular religion, a different nationality or the career path (or lack of it) you have chosen, sexuality…. It’s an endless list.

    I had my daughter when I was 17, I was not married but was with her father for 10 years altogether. He suddenly disappeared (literally overnight) with no warning. She was 5 at the time and as I’m sure anyone can imagine that was an extremely painful for time for us both. I was mortified by the comments my catholic family made at the time about it bring bad enough that we never married but now I was an “official single parent” I would “ruin both our lives”. I was determined they were wrong and I would show them.

    My daughter, the light of my life, is now 16 and an incredible young lady. Works hard at school, well mannered, has an amazing moral compass, insightful and values our little family (just the two of us). I have a great job, I bought a lovely new home 8 yrs ago, we have take 2 holidays a year and various weekends away. I cherish my relationship with her above any material on the earth and ANY man! I have not dated ANYONE since her father left, and not because I couldn’t but because I didn’t want to. I wanted to carve out our life together. A life free from drama and a secure loving home that was all ours. It’s never been a chore, it’s been incredible.

    However…. Do I have moments when I’m lonely? Of course I do! My friends are all married and I hate it when the conversation comes around to me “needing a man in my life”. I don’t enjoy always having to do things by myself like going to parents evening and the bloody PTA. I would love to go Christmas shopping with a partner or husband. But I’m convinced that my day will come. Some day she wont need me this much and she will have her own life and I’ll have to go out there and get myself a new one. My advice to single mothers, fathers, whoever you are, is to just raise your kids in an environment where they feel like THEY are number 1 in your life. Their happiness as a child is crucial to who they become as a adult and what they then offer to society.
    I hate how single mothers are judged so harshly by some but some us don’t help ourselves by continuing to date the same dickheads over and over again, and worse, having more babies with them. Instead of being insulted by articles like this one, take a look in the mirror! Does this apply to you or not?

    • Dinana

      Oh what the flip! Autocorrect made my first few sentences make little sense but you get the jist….

    • http://liveandlearnkid.wordpress.com liveandlearnkid

      I respect waht you did. I think that single moms should not seriously date anyone new until their kids are old enough and you aren’t needed like that. You could still have sex (i’m sure you still do), but don’t put any new guys through the bullshit of not being a priority and having to take care of someone elses kid and then making it hard for him if he wants to leave you because of the attachment to the kid. This is what happened to someone i hold close and he regrets it.

  • Ben Hodding

    God, Judgybitch must have been raised by the shittiest family in the world to have such crippled ideals. Where’s your “Fat people just need to stop eating already” article? Or how about “Mixing race: The devil lives inside caramel babies”. I hope OP gets raped.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      Lovely.

      I hope OP gets raped.

      Let me guess – you’re a “feminist”, right?

  • Ben

    I’m seeing a lot of “my mum was a single mum, and I turned out fine” and I’d like to agree. I got a degree, a house, a wonderful wife, a well paying job I love. Overall a pretty awesome life.

    Would I wish my life for my children? Fuck no. It’s been a hellish nightmare that not one of my siblings escaped without serious personality disorders, depression, compulsive behaviours PTSD etc. Sure we’re “fine”… We’re all “fine”, aren’t we?

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  • http://reallife.outside Alexander Roberto Dwinmeir

    wait so you say that a child of a single mother has this over the top desire for a father figure and therefore will latch onto any man he can, however a lesbian couple with just as many zero fathers should be able to rise a kid. don’t get me wrong i got nothing against gays having kids or single mothers i’m merely pointing out an inconsistency in your logic

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      That’s a good point, Alexander.

      I would say that children of gay couples know their family is different, but it’s still a family with two parents. Add to that the fact that it is almost impossible for gay couples to have unwanted children, and the children are doubly assured that they are not “accidents” or “unplanned”.

      • Chet Jet

        So two parents good, one parent bad…

        It’s interesting you should bring that up because your argument hinges on 2 people staying together, presumably in a marriage. Now the irony here is that the people most likely to stay in a marriage (a first marriage, never divorce) are the same people who overwhelmingly oppose abortion – yes, the Christians. These are the people with children that have the best chance for success, based on the study, and are least likely to have children that have children out of wedlock… I just find that aspect fascinating.

        I think the problem with the facts you cite is that they are currently self-fulfilling in our society. That is to say, these children are destined to fail from the very beginning because they have been placed in a category outside of societal normalcy. Again, the irony of it all is that our society has been completely dominated by Christian values – a marriage, nuclear family, chastity, etc. – these are what society considers “normal”. Then you introduce something that is not only completely unnatural, but also diametrically opposed to the beliefs of the people by which the “normal” family is modeled, namely, abortion. Then you get a big old, “WTF is going on here?”

        Let’s see…

        1. The standards set by those who oppose abortion
        2. Those who don’t abort setting children up for failure based on these standards

        Seems funny. Your argument for abortion cites information that is only relevant in a society where the norms were created by people who oppose your belief. Time to take a step back.

        I think your views are brash and, only by today’s standards, controversial (makes for good blogging I suppose). But, alas, they are transitory views. A narrow mind would believe these trends could continue. The fact that you give gay parents a pass because the children “know their family is different” is laughable – it just shows you’re not thinking for yourself… “like gay is so totally in right now!”

        Take a good look around you. The nuclear family is disappearing. The middle class is disappearing. What you have then are generations of children that are not only poor, but raised by single or divorced parents. Aha! Introduce the widespread availability of technology and what happens to the study then? The disproportionate share of successful children from indigent, “broken” families can only level out, if not turn the other way.

        Whether children are raised by two parents, one parent, aunts, uncles, grandparents – it will not matter when your societal “norms” fall away.

        You fail to think beyond what’s normal and abnormal to what will just “be” in the not too distant future… and for that, I can’t take your rants seriously.

    • Lucy

      Well if you ask the children, the children overwhelmingly want a man and a woman as parents. Ask them, they also want their mom and dad to be married. Of course, what they think has become largely irrelevant.

  • http://twitter.com/AEnglishGuy Gary Spence (@AEnglishGuy)

    Thanks for your warning JudgyBitch. I wasn’t very likely too but I have thought about it if a single mother who I found sexy was available. After all your wish warnings I will stay away!
    Thanks! x

  • http://susanbotchie.wordpress.com susanbotchie

    Responsibility is gender inclusive. In other words, men can do their part in preventing illegitimate births. Yeppers, single women don’t get pregnant by themselves. Yeah, responsibility is fun to fling at someone else. :)

  • poor sap

    I’ve been dating a single mom for a little over 3 years….She is overweight, bossy, controlling, and the kid is a spoiled brat. How the f did I get into this!? Online dating…and poor me guilt trip kept me around. Most guys deserve better than what’s out there. Slim pickens. Just stay single after 35 and I’ll see you at the mustang ranch.

  • Chunk

    Married a single mom; it’s mostly true. Divorced now. Thank god. If every person didn’t go for a single mom, then women would stop looking around after dating a jerk while friendzoning the good guys. Either she’s a deadbeat or she likes deadbeats.

    • Daves ex wife

      stumbled upon your blogs. i must be a judgy bicth too. and my worst ennemi.i believed my own judgments. when i divorced, irreparable differences, ive prisoned myself as a singlemom status, wont date till the kid is 18. aiee… sure gets lonely. the kid is 15 and well a teenager,need i saymore. so ive been loking down on myself for years, and living the consequances of my actions.divrcing.. quite boring really,iknow.

  • Spencer

    Yikes. At least you’re honest and give a warning about being a judgy bitch as a warning before we read. I think it is all about your outlook on life. Dating a single mom won’t be a nightmare if you have the same beliefs that killing an innocent child in order to live up to the standard of society is wrong. If you care more about money and social status a single mom probably isn’t for you. If you are attracted to a woman who doesn’t care what other people think (especially judgy bitches) and holds to her faith rather than the the judgement of other people I think a single mom can be perfect for someone. It won’t be easy but no relationship ever is. I also think women who think single mothers are crazy might change their mind if they got an ultrasound of their baby. It’s a baby!!

  • Bobby W

    I feel like I’ve been played for a fucking fool.
    I met a woman three years older than me, a divorced mom. I know the father in the case, and I can verify that he is a total douchebag that wants nothing to do with his daughter. I’ve talked to the son of a bitch on several occasions, and he just wants to be footloose and fancy free. Hasn’t spent a night with his daughter in two years, even when the mom asks if he can take her so she can pick up an extra shift or two at work.
    Anyways, I met her. And we started talking and hanging out together. I started falling for her. The night my dad tried to kill himself, she dropped everything and came to be with me while my mom went to the hospital. I stayed behind to look after my little siblings while they slept. Because of that, my plans to attend a Super Bowl party at her friend’s house, I really don’t like football, I just wanted to spend time with her, were ruined. She came and stayed the night with me.
    Don’t get the wrong idea. I know she almost always has her daughter. When the thing with my dad happened, she was staying the night at grandpa and grandma’s, ditto on Super Bowl night.
    Anyways, we continue to talk and hang out. I drop by the tech school where she’s studying criminal justice, because she wants to be a cop and working as a waitress/delivery driver doesn’t exactly leave her with much spending money, and I take her out to lunch, we talk between her classes. We go out to karaoke a couple of times.
    The sequence of events is out of order some, so bear with me.
    The night that she came to be with me when my dad tried to kill himself, is the night I realized I loved her. I’d never felt this way about anyone before. Frankly, considering that I usually walk through life in an unfeeling haze, I’m surprised that I was able to do so at all.
    I didn’t tell her, at least not then. A week later, she admits that she loves me when we were at karaoke. I’m so overwhelmed, and not due to alcohol since I don’t drink, that I admit that I love her too. I’m a little concerned because she’s had a couple of drinks. I think that it might just be a mistake made due to alcohol. She later says that she does love me while sober, so I don’t feel worried anymore.
    Things are going great. I’m supposed to meet her daughter on her birthday in March, when I bring my little sister to the party. We’re going to have a picnic in the park on Valentine’s Day.
    Then, if you live in the United States, you know that a big ice storm happened last week. I live in South Carolina, a state that has virtually no support services for such weather. My power went out, along with phone, internet, and cable. I have no cell phone for a multitude of reasons. I was with my family during that time, trying to help my mom and dad out. The last time I talked to my girlfriend before the blackout, she told me that she was going to her friend’s house. On the battery powered radio, I hear about more than a dozen crashes on the street where she lives. I’m freaking out. We live pretty far out on the outskirts. I walk six miles to the nearest neighbor still around to use the cell phone. Call over 20 times, each time it rings and rings, then goes to voicemail. I’m thinking the worst. I can’t get to where she lives, because the car won’t start, and her house is thirty miles away. I end up going to jail that night. I violated juvie parole by going out of state to my grandpa’s funeral, and I got an adult escape charge because I was 19 when it happened. My ankle monitor died that night, so the police came and picked me up. If I hadn’t remembered my agent’s number, I might still be in jail. The thing is, it wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t gone to try and call her.
    A lot of other stressful shit happened last week, too. I finally get a line on her Thursday night, just two minutes to make sure she was alright.
    Next day, Valentine’s. Power, phone, internet, everything back on around five. I leave her a message at around five to call me. No response. Log in to Facebook, finally get a hold of her. She’s been talking to her family, letting them know that grandma’s all right. Her daughter is begging her for attention. Her best friend is depressed, and she’s trying to cheer her up. Her ex-husband is alternating between being a dick and kissing her ass. So she’s busy.
    I say fine, just give me a call when you get a chance, because it’s been really stressful, and the sound of her voice makes me feel better, always. I love her cute little southern accent. I just want five minutes of her time, to tell her how much I love her and miss her, and to reschedule the picnic.
    No phone call for two hours. I log back on. I get the message, “I can’t have someone under my ass all the time. Truth is, I’m not ready for a relationship. Sorry.”
    I’ve been unfriended, and blocked. I leave her a message on the website where we first met, one for lovers of an activity that we both enjoy, for her to call me, to talk to me, anything. No response. I try to call her several times throughout the next few days. Only one answer, to tell me to stop calling and leaving messages. Yesterday, I got the same treatment on that website as Facebook. I ask her best friend and her mom to talk to her, to try and convince her to tell me what the hell it is that caused her to do this. To talk to me at least one last time, and answer my questions. No response from either of them.
    I’m going out of my mind here. Since last Thursday night, I haven’t eaten more than a bowl of cereal that I forced myself to choke down. Anything else just gets thrown up soon after, if I can even get it down. I’ve had maybe 7 hours of sleep since Friday. I can’t think of anything else but her, I can’t stop replaying conversations with her in my mind. I can’t help but feel played for a fool. I still want her. I know myself well enough to know that I won’t get over her. I don’t get over emotions this strong, I just learn to deal with them.
    I accepted that being with her probably meant no kids with my own DNA, because I’ve seen the doctor’s reports that she has less than a .001 chance of getting pregnant again. I accepted that she’s religious, not Christian though, even though I’m an atheist who usually scoffs at religion. And she accepted that I’m an ex-con. That I’m trying to get my life together myself. At least, she seemed to.
    It may seem early, but this is the woman I wanted by my side for the rest of my life. I wanted to be the one who woke up to her face every morning. I wanted to be the one she called when there was a bug in the house because she has an intense phobia of them. I wanted to be the one who would leave little notes for her, dance with her, be there for her when she was sad.
    I still do. I still want to be with her. The only thing I couldn’t forgive would be if she broke it off because she cheated, because we both told each other that there were going to be no others if we were to be together, and that’s too much betrayal of trust for me to deal with.
    If she doesn’t want to be with me, I at least want to know why. What caused this? Why break up, when, only three days before, there was no sign of anything being wrong? Did she really love me, or was she playing me for a fool? Why would she do this to me if she loved me?
    Because, I’m a wreck. I can’t listen to music because every song reminds me of her. My favorite tv shows are all unwatchable, because they all have something that remind me of her. It causes a new wave of pain every time. I’ve barely ate or slept. I can’t think of anything else. It’s eating me away.
    Anyways, I don’t know why I posted this here. I don’t know where else to do it. I need advice, some help, anything. I don’t know where else to do it. I just know that this place has helped me through some rough patches in the past. Maybe it can do it again.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      Bobby,

      That’s quite a story and I’m very sorry this is happening to you.

      Getting dumped always sucks but honestly, this lady sounds pretty heartless. It’s probably better that you found out now instead of ten years from now when she gathers up whatever assets you’ve managed to accumulate and waltzes out the door with them.

      I hope you feel better soon. And you know you will, right? Once the shock wears off and you get through the grief, you will start to see that this one was nothing but trouble and you are better off without her.

      • Bobby W

        I’d like to think I will, but I doubt it.You see, I walk through life without really caring about it. I was diagnosed with depression at fifteen. None of the available pills seem to work, and some of them make it worse, as hard to believe as it is. I’ve been this way since I was five. I can enjoy things, but most of the time I’m just apathetic. I don’t get really happy. I can feel things, but I just can’t bring myself to enjoy living. I’m not suicidal, just apathetic.This woman changed that. She made me look forward to life, she reached through my haze of apathy and dragged me out. Now it feels like I’ve been given a glimpse of how beautiful life is, just so that I’d know exactly how good I can feel, then kicked back into my fog so that I can have the pain of knowing what I’m missing.
        But, I digress. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. I love my brothers and sister, would do anything for them. The way I feel about her, it makes that love seem weak and pale in comparison.

      • Bobby W

        An emotion this strong isn’t likely to fade for me. I still feel just as bad about my grandpa’s death now as I did ten years ago, I can just deal with it better. The love and pain I feel because of her is stronger.
        I also come from a family with a bunch of bachelors who never got over their first heartbreak.
        It took sixteen years to find this, I wonder to myself how long it’ll take to find again, if I’m able to, and if I’ll be over this enough to take advantage of it.
        The irony is, she’s the one who said that she’s afraid to get her heart broken again.
        I just wish I knew why she did this.
        Thank you for trying to help, JB. Hopefully, you’re right.

        • https://www.facebook.com/becca.doss.3 Becca Doss

          I am a single mom of one. I loved my husband intensely..Part of me always will..I too don’t just love easy..I puppy love sometimes but I’m over that shit in about a week…My husband I loved…then one day his high school crush contacted him on facebook…some chick he pined for for years apparently…and I stopped mattering…This chick screwed you over because shes afraid to feel again. She pushed you away…Shes lacking..My husband putting his old lust and crap over his established family is a jerk…I’ll admit I’m not perfect…I’m a little apathetic and ocd…I can be a total bitch..but he lived with me for nearly two years before he married me…so my crazy shit was no surprise…People are complicated..they do reckless emotionless stuff to each other to protect themselves..or hell..maybe that female your so in to realized even though her husband is still a jerk she still loves him and what she feels for you isn’t love…it was comfort…and blocking and pushing you away is what she needed…she needed to know somebody could love her then she needed to know she could be in control…that sucks its awful…but heartbreak and feeling abandoned can really screw you up.

          • Bobby

            That’s the weird thing though. I didn’t tell her that I loved her until she told me.
            But, yeah, I’m still screwed up. I’m still not eating. I’ve lost over 10 lbs. since then. I’m still not sleeping. I’ve currently been up for 116 hours at this point. Really dangerous, considering that I’ve gotten a job as a delivery driver. Luckily, I’ll probably pass out tonight, when I’m off of work.
            I still can’t listen to music without crying, and I haven’t turned on my tv in over two weeks.
            I tried to talk to her once when I ran into her when I went to sign up at the local community college. She told me that she had nothing to say to me, that I shouldn’t have expected anything of her, and that she hadn’t expected anything of me. I don’t know what the hell she meant by that.
            I did have a mini-breakdown on my birthday, got so drunk that I couldn’t walk, and posted a long, bitter diatribe on the website where we met. Now she’s called me crazy, and said that she’s worried that every guy she meets is going to be as crazy as me. I don’t know what I wrote, because I’ve lost nearly all memory of that night, and it was deleted by time I woke up.
            It’s been over a month and I still can’t get her out of my head. Working as a delivery driver leaves me with nothing but time to think, and I’m always thinking of her.
            I’m not going to try and kill myself again, but I’m barely hanging on here. The first person that I’ve ever love, that I’ve trusted in ten years, the second in my life, someone who made me believe that they loved me and wanted me and cared about me, basically told me, “Fuck you, I don’t want you in my life.” And because I can’t handle the pain, I can’t just bottle it up and repress it like I used to do pain, I’m crazy. Because I asked her to talk to her one last time, to say what I need to say to her, I’m crazy.
            And the sad part is, even now, after everything that’s happened, after all the pain, and anger, and sadness, I still want her back. Every painful moment, every sad moment, every fucked up part of my entire life, I’d relive them all just so that I could hold her for five seconds at the end. That’s how good this woman made me feel.
            I could say all kinds of things like I wish that she knew how bad I felt, that I wish I could cause her this much pain. That she’s an evil bitch and that I hate her. But none of it would be true. I just want her to be happy in life, even if it’s not with me. But I want to be able to move on, and the only way for me to do that is to tell her what I have to tell her. But she won’t let me.

          • Lucy

            Write a letter to old girlfriend and then burn the letter. I think you need a hobby, something you love to do, like paint or do music. Pour yourself into that. I think once you are over this, you’ll be glad she’s gone. Maybe you could compose songs while you drive around or sing. When you feel better, try to meet a woman, without kids, and then go real slow. Like don’t see her very much at first, like maybe only once a week for a long time. Don’t talk to her everyday. Then you can gradually increase. Watch her, is she nice to people? If she’s mean to people ditch her, because sooner or later she’ll be mean to you, if she’s mean to others. Love should be easy. Good people make things easy, they aren’t difficult. Love should not be a drama, if love is a drama, it’s just sick and get rid of it.

          • Lucy

            Becca, that you love someone that treated you so bad, is a little disturbing. He doesn’t deserve you. (he picked some idiot from his high school????) IMO don’t live with a man, IMO this is how it works out. The woman wants a committment, so they live together. HE’s not sure, then she nags, they get married, and it doesn’t work out, because, he was never sure. Watch new men very closely, be very methodical and analytical. See what he does. This way you don’t have to waste years of your life on that crap. Good luck, I think you’ll do well.

    • http://www.thetruthaboutguns.com John Yossarian

      Bobby – You’re just suffering endorphin withdrawels. That’ll pass in time. The fact is that she didn’t play you – She’s just messed up. This is that single mom who shits on the nice guys (like you) because that’s not how she really wants to be treated. She wants guys like her ex-husband, which you are not. You’re going to have to avoid women like her. Like Judgybitch wrote above – Single moms are a screaming red light, for this reason. Anyways, I think you sound a little desperate. That’s from lack of experience. There are more fish in the sea – Convince yourself of this first. It’s good that met her on the Internet, but next time use a dating web site. Do some online chatting with a whole assortment of different women. Then talk to them on the phone. After that, make some short and casual dates (coffee, lunch, etc.) From there, ask out the ones who you felt something for – Whether sexual or spiritual, mental or recreational; ask them out for dinner and mini-golf or a concert, or whatever. Go canoing or play video games together. Whatever it is that you’re both into. After some time, you’ll get it down to just one chick. Only then should you invest yourself the way you did with this one. Ok – Good luck, brother! You’re in my atheistic prayers. – Yossarian

      • Bobby W

        Thanks for the advice man.
        I feel played, because I wouldn’t have put myself into this so much if she hadn’t told me she loved me. She didn’t throw off any red flags that I could see. She got married at eighteen because she got pregnant, and this is the Bible Belt. They divorced because she couldn’t stand the infidelity. Her ex had nothing but good things to say about her. She adores her daughter.
        Really the only red flag was that I wasn’t her normal type.
        I probably should have seen it coming, though. I’m so far outside her normal type, it was hard to fathom why she liked me. I’m introverted, intelligent, bookish, serious, quiet, not cocky, and bald. I’m not the long-haired, hard-living, frivolous, arrogant, loud, redneck type. That being said, I’m not a pushover or a weak person. I’m just more of an introspective person. I prefer to listen and watch more than speak.

      • Bobby W

        She told me that the reason she liked me so much was that I treated her like a queen, but that I was more, I guess you could say dominant, than her. According to her, I come off as confident without being an asshole, odd seeing that I don’t see myself that way.
        I wasn’t even looking for a relationship, really. I’ve had girlfriends in the past, just no one I’ve cared about so much. I was just looking to chat with some people more experienced than me at this activity. One thing led to another, and now, here I am.
        It’s going to be a while before I try dating someone else, if I ever do.

    • kingjc44103

      I call bull shit on most of it. My mother has been a single mother for the last 22 years pretty much(since she had me). Everything in this depends on the person. Yes, woman can have all these signs, all the things mentioned in the main article, but that doesn’t mean she still does. I am now a man who PREFERS, yes I said i,t prefers to date single mothers, matter of fact I’m dating one now. Let me tell you what are a few benefits of dating single mothers. 1. Being a mother gives a woman something extra to live for. I have dealt with girls with depression beyond belief, a woman is less likely to be suicidal when they know they are going to leave a child here missing TWO parents most likely. 2. Having a child gives a woman something to succeed for. It gives her a reason to go to school and get a good job for her and her child/ children. I have watched my mother graduate from college. Now she is a Supervisor at a few nursing homes. 3. Having a child takes the girl out of the party life, pretty much by force. I’ve never really cared about partying with the girl I am seeing, I want her as a wife, someone to come home to, cook, love me, blah blah blah, you get it. In the same aspect, a girl with a child isn’t looking for a guy she can just hang out with, and sleep with, then kick to the curb. She is looking for a guy who has qualities to be the father of her child, and have a long lasting relationship with. Lastly one thing that RUINS everything in this post would be generalizations so I’m not going to have this perceived as one. I’m not saying that guys should prefer single moms as I do, what i say is this: She could possibly be a girl straight from this post and is the a-hole this post describes. But you must remember that these are HUMANS we are talking about, a species where no two are alike. Lastly you maybe a guy who needs to be the most important person in your girls life, and needs to be at parties every weekend with your girl and stuff like that, If so, Have at it!!! and Dating a single mother isn’t for YOU, but that doesn’t mean it is not for anyone else as well.

  • Bobby W

    Thanks for the years of entertainment and education JB. I’ve decided to just give up. Call me weak, call me stupid, call me what you will. It all ends tonight.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      One of my favorite movies is Good Will Hunting.

      I love the scene where the character played by Matt Damon describes how his abusive step father used to make him pick between a belt and a wrench.

      Which one are you gonna take?

      He picks the wrench.

      Why? Cause fuck you that’s why.

      What it means is this: no amount of pain, no amount of sheer agony, physical or otherwise, is gonna break me. You will never win. You will never defeat me. You will never triumph over me. I will get hurt, you will break my bones, you will make me cry but I will get back on my feet and keep going. You know why?

      BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY

      It sucks to think they’ve beaten you, Bobby. I hope you think twice. Try and find that “fuck you” we all have inside of us.

      Fuck you is what keeps you alive. We all have it.

      Fire in the belly. To live. To win. To beat those fuckers down.

      Turning it against yourself is just what your enemies want you to do.

      Don’t.

      Why not?

      BECAUSE FUCK THEM THAT’S WHY.

      There is probably a hotline you can call, Bobby. Someone to help you find your fire again.

      Please do it.

      Fuck them all.

      • Bobby

        I don’t think I’ve ever had that fire, unless it was before I can remember.
        It’s not just that. I’m tired of being depressed, tired of being angry at myself and things I’ve done and stuff that’s happened to me. I’m tired of being alone. My parents don’t want me, I’m just here out of a sense of duty. I’m the oldest of my siblings by years, so no adult companionship there. I’m sick of feeling like I don’t deserve happiness. For years, I’ve said that the first rule to my life is that I am not allowed to be happy for long. The only reason I’m not dead yet is that my dad’s still awake. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried pills, I’ve tried everything I can think of to stop feeling this way. I’m just done. At 21 years old, I’m done. I’m sick of feeling this way. I just can’t do it anymore. I love my siblings, and I wish them the best, they’re the only thing that’s kept me going this long. To have the one thing that made me happy ripped out of my life without explanation or any apparent logic behind it is what broke the proverbial camel’s back.
        Thank you though, for trying to talk me out of it. You’ve showed that you care more than anyone in my life but my siblings. I appreciate it. It’s just not enough.

      • Bobby W

        Hey, JB. You might be happy to know that I survived my attempt. I had already taken the pills and alcohol, and was in the tub when I came to my senses. What you said really did help. I couldn’t get it out of my head, the words “fuck you” and “fuck them all” kept running on a loop in my head. I realized that it was stupid, and that I was only proving that I’d let her have that much effect on me. I puked up the pills and booze, and I slept for over a day, but I’m fine.
        It still hurts, I still love her, I still want to be with her. I don’t think that that’s ever going to go away. Hopefully it will.
        She doesn’t want to be with me, and I’ve got to make peace with that. I’ve made myself a fool in front of the community that we were a part of, so I’m getting off of there for at least a good six months. I’m going to get my life back on track, and show her what a good thing she passed up. Because I am going to get my shit together, and I’m going to find myself a woman who’ll appreciate someone who’s willing to make her the center of his life, and who’ll do the same for me. It might take a while, but I’m not going to just give up again.
        I want to say thank you JB. It may have taken me a little long, but you’ve helped ignite the spark again. Now it’s up to me to build that little spark into a roaring blaze.
        Best wishes, JB. I plan to be a visitor on your site for a long time to come.

        • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

          Whew! Close call, Bobby.

          I am so glad you changed your mind, and that you changed it for you. We live in a world where men are trained to believe their life only has value if they are in service to someone or something other than themselves. And you know what?

          That’s bullshit.

          Your life has intrinsic, inherent value.

          I’m glad you decided to keep it.

  • TG44

    Brief background info: I’m a 35yr old male. I am a teacher and personal fitness trainer.

    About a month ago I was dumped by my girlfriend, a single 32 year old mother of two girls (13 and 6). We dated for about 8 months but it got serious very quickly. I was days away from moving in with her when we both decided it was more for financial decisions and not the right move. A week or so later she broke up with me. Then, a few days later asked me back. Then, a few days after that ended it again for good. She has had bad intuition about the relationship from the beginning even though I treated her and her girls well but was careful not to get ‘too involved’.

    Here are the red flags:

    Flag 1: Two kids, Two Dads

    One out of state in jail for child abuse to one of his other kids with different woman

    Other one is a wealthy dentist out of state who is a cross-dressing, drug abusing father who sees his daughter about twice a year for a few hours.

    There is a third. The last boyfriend she had (20yrs older than her) began dating her when the youngest was 2. They led her to believe he was her dad and she called him dad. When they broke up he stopped seeing the girl but slowly came back while we were dating.

    Flag 2: She doesn’t like working that much. She does not stay at a job very long (no more than a year) and all her jobs are low paying care-taking jobs ($10-12 bucks an hour).

    Flag 3: She is in credit card debt (about $10-15000) and in debt to her ex boyfriend for about 8k (which she pays back at $20/month).

    Flag 4: She has had about 15 different relationships since the oldest was born (she’s almost 13).

    Flag 5: Proclaimed to be a love addict and sex is a HUGE part of her relationships.
    Flag 6: She has moved across country for men and moved away from family.
    Flag 7: Told me she loved me very early on, talked marriage, house etc..
    Flag 8: The oldest, in the beginning would bang on the door when we were having sex, screaming and crying that she did not want another brother or sister. This messed my head up. The youngest was also a lot to deal with. Very smart, great personality, but had anger issues, and there was constant bickering and fighting with her sister.

    There are more that I can’t remember right now. However, I MISS HER. I basically begged her to take me back twice before. She did and she loved how we communicated. Then she dumped me, I gave her space, she asked for me back..then dumped me again. I gave her space for a couple of weeks but then lost it. Emailing, texting..texting some more..and more. Then I missed her daughter so I went to see her at the bus stop. I finally get a text response saying stop contacting me and stay away from my kids or I’ll get a restraining order. I was like..HOLY ! The texts were about me wanting to give her and her kids a stable happy home, and me doing whatever it took to give them that. blah blah.

    The thing is, often times while I was at her place I took deep breaths, knowing I did not want this future, knowing I wanted a child of my own. Knowing she was dead broke, in debt, 3 men in her life and a lot of drams with the kids and all three are on medication. Her for anxiety and the girls for ADHD and ADD.

    However, she was so sweet, kind, loving, sexual, calm. It was nice going somewhere everyday where someone cared about me. She was also VERY pretty. Good body, beautiful face..everything. The sex, while plentiful was not the best. It was fun but there was not much ‘feeling’. I’m average size and she was….kind of large down there. Nonetheless, that did not bother me. I loved being with her in that moment. It was passionate, not just about getting off. Also, she loved giving oral and was GREAT at it.

    All of these issues, all of these flags, knowing I didnt want this as my future but also not wanting it to end and not wanting her with someone else. It physically hurts and it’s been over a month. I don’t want the future…but I want right now. I think I just defined codependency.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      Wow. That’s one hell of a story, and exactly why I caution men to stay away.

      You will get burned.

      Your heart will be on the line.

      It will hurt.

      It will end poorly.

      I’m sorry you went through all that and I hope you feel better soon.

      :(

    • mike

      yup. she is a sure winner, dumbass. and you are a high school teacher and it took you 8 months to realize that.

      • APB

        Truth! Everyone is caught on having a significant other who is a “fix it” project and that never turns out well.

        When I was about 18, I briefly dated a chick who said her ex left her for a lesbian. I didn’t know better back then, but now I would have ROFLed and realized how much of a loser she is.

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  • https://www.facebook.com/annamariadipaolo.liberatore Anna Di Paolo Liberatore

    IMO it’s not about your not new uterus. IT’s about your kid and all the baggage that entails. (that tells me right there you don’t understand it) I don’t think you are doomed to never have another relationship. To be honest, I tell my son, don’t marry a woman with kids. It’s not because you are bad or your kid is bad or because you are used, it’s just all the baggage of that kid’s other dad and that kid’s other grandparents and all those complications. IMO you should look for someone that maybe has a kid also, that way you can put up with each other’s stuff. It’s not really fair to shove all that on someone who really doesn’t understand it, and that’s a single man with no kids.

    • Taylor

      And since the divorce rate is so high. Your son has a chance to become a single man with kids if he has kids with his future wife. Chris and Gwen just separated after 10 years of marriage. If they decide to end their marriage for good, then they will be single folks with kids.

      • Lucy

        For now, I want him to have the best chance of success(defined as not getting a divorce), and that’s to not marry a woman with kids. Hollywood people aren’t the best example. So now,if what’s her face movie star remarries, she should look for someone with kids, IMO not a single man. That way they can understand and put up with each other’s crap.

  • ktmick

    I don’t think it’s right to judge like this. It’s good though to try to keep in perspective that people’s bad choices are warning flags. Yet it is entirely possible that a nice person made a mistake when they were younger by copulating with some guy and decided to have the courage to raise the kid alone. I think you’ll learn more about the person’s values by having conversations with them than judging them by their statistic as a single mother. Personally, I’d rather live more freely being childless and have played it smart. I also believe in not bringing a child into the world in a bad situation, as I have since I was young and so I never put myself in danger of this. But each to his/her own. Some people are not as anal as others and have more fun.

    • APB

      Some of us can be picky about who we left into our livers and still have a good time. I bet the 43-year old single mom of four kids with three babydaddies at a previous job that a coworker tried to set me up with (“Oh, she’s a good woman, so treat her right!”) sure has a lot of fun in her low-income housing with her $9/hour job. Father’s day with four kids who don’t see their dads has to be comfortable…so, I’ll be just fine with my higher standards, thank you very much!

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  • Robyn

    I was a divorced mom of two. And I agree with JB, I own my own part in my marriage. My husband was an angry and abusive man, but I stayed with him for five years after he broke my nose. I convinced myself it was for my kids, but ya know what, I think it was for fear of failing, fear of doing it on my own, and I’d rather endure a dysfunctional and really scary marriage than be alone.

    After I divorced him, I refused to date. That was a promise I made to myself. That if I was going to go it alone, I was going to DO IT alone. My ex did get himself into counseling, and he has always been a great father to our two sons, and over the years a good friend to me too.

    I have been remarried for six years now. And it’s a funny story too, my husband had to pursue me pretty hard. I was not OPEN to a relationship, not one bit. It took him a NY minute or two, and acquiring my number from a mutual friend, hell let’s face it, he fucking stole that phone number!

    So, I agree with you absolutely, be wary of a woman that blames everything on their ex, even if they were abused. I never blamed everything on my ex, I took my fair share of being too weak to do anything but endure it, I was scared of being alone.

    But, if a divorced woman, when she tells you her story, tells the entire story, it’s probably because she did what I did, took control of her life, knew that she had to be alone and out of any sort of relationship and dating for long enough to be independent and a better, stronger person than she was before the divorce. That’s a pretty tough thing for any human being to do, to not play the victim, but overcome the entire issue, to include seeing the angry, abusive ex as a broken person as well. My ex had a bad childhood, and he was way too immature emotionally to deal with life. Thus the abuse and the anger. It wasn’t necessarily me, or our life, but his own fears of losing control because he had no control before.

    I married a single father the second time around. Oh boy! That has been a toughie too. Because my hubby was more of a friend to his son than a parent. Overcompensating for an ex GF that was and still is a deadbeat drug addled wench.

    But, that’s for your other blog. Because single dad’s come with some serious issues of their own, that are their own faults, well meaning ones, but they create monsterous situations! All is well with us six years later, but it wasn’t all rosy in the beginning that’s for sure!

  • concerned_friend

    Obviously this article is generalizing. My father suffered brain damage after an accident and as a result hurt my mother on several occasions. Even then she stayed with him trying to get him through it, until one day he did it to my brother and she had no choice but to divorced him. However I know that women like her are the exceptions that prove the rule.

    Here is just just one example of a crazy single mother I know. In the last year years my best friend has been desperate to find a husband because her biological clock is ticking. However she is domineering bitch to her boyfriends and couldn’t keep one very long. When it was clear that her last hope was going to break it off, she gave up and decided to try donor insemination. should point out that she worked a minimum wage jobs with little hope of promotion, I tired to tell her it would be reckless to bring a child into world under such conditions, but she was having none of it. Of course she started the processes while she was still dating the guy and after they broke up she found out she was pregnant. Now the poor guy is stuck paying child support for a child that might not be his/he didn’t want with a person he hates. She said she will never till him about the insemination and if one day he wants to have custody she will fight tooth and nail against it. And all I can think of not is that this is the mentality of someone who ends of a single mother…

  • Lean Back

    TG44, single parents of either sex who are open to dating and especially “sexual” are HUGE RED FLAGS. Here’s why. A person who’s children are still dependent on the should be giving every moment outside of their job to their children. They should not be dividing their time, energy, focus, money and emotions amongst several people. Everything should be poured into their dependent children. It is child neglect not to do so. A single parent who openly expresses a “sexual” nature is shameful. Masturbation can quickly take care of those needs.

    All of the things that attracted you to this woman are the very red flags you should have avoided. While you list her dysfunctional choices in baby daddies and other areas of her life as “red flags” you cite her looks and sexual nature as positive things. That’s where you made a mistake. A single parent really shouldn’t look great (outside of a naturally occurring beauty such as facial symmetry). Any single parent who spends money on “looking hot”, and this includes gym membership for the dads as well as makeup and what-not for the moms, is spending money that should be going to their children on themselves in hopes of attracting someone so they can spend time away from their kids.

    Its just plain wrong.

    The only exceptions might be widowed and widowered single parents with infants who are in need of another parent to help them raise their tiny babies.

    Outside of that small minority, single parents need to buckle down and pour everything they’ve got into their damn kids!

  • Lindi

    And if one of your kids grows up to be a single mother? I suppose you would do the only reasonable thing and advise all self-respecting men to stay away from her.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      If my daughter grows up to be a single mother (not widowed, single), then I have failed disastrously in my job as her parent.

      And yes, I would absolutely advise men to stay away from her.

    • APB

      A self-respecting man doesn’t need that advice. He already knows.

      Besides, if I have a daughter or two later on and they become single mothers, then they have failed and I as a parent will have failed as well. As seen above, guys will put up with just about anything to get a piece. You have to really suck as a woman to get one to leave you. Heck, my mom and dad married and divorced twice and he would have come back for more…

  • Mark Fetter

    Better advice? Don’t date a bitch. They come in all shapes and sizes.

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    • Just Me

      I am very supportive of widows who are now single with children. I understand divorce. I was the first child in my state awarded to the father. My parents were married. My mother was screwing teen boys and leaving my alone in my crib to do so. Then propositioned the judge for my custody. Thus losing me. She later became an unwed mother. Being 27 and my half sisters father was 18. Thank God my Dad got me. My mother got all the perks unwed mothers get. ADC. WIC. Title 19 (free medical). Low income housing. People lining up to help her. Feeling sorry for her. She never worked again after I was born. Didn’t have to. She was later a bimbo unwed mother! Why work when you can live for free? She later went out on a screwing spree leaving my 2 year old half sister alone to fend for herself. For 2 days she was alone. She ate ketchup. Was filthy. God knows how this could have ended. Her father was an idiot. So his parents raised her. I didn’t get to know her growing up. We moved several states away. I do know she had regular contact with our mother who has had her 7th divorce. My sister is a younger version of her. 4 husbands. Lost her son. Got knocked up when she was 27 by a 14 year old and had an abortion of a baby girl. Now it rolls down the hill. My 17 year old nephew made a 15 year old an unwed mother to a baby girl. If she is his kid. 15 year old bimbo has alley cat values that she will pass to her daughter and her future babies all with different fathers ofcourse. My mom still gets welfare. Why? Because my sister and I stretched out her twat. She never has done anything with her life but lay on her back for LOTS of men and pushed out 2 daughters she didn’t take care of. She is on my ass thinking I need to move to her state. Date BOYS she wants to set me up with (I’m 45 childless and I’ve worked since I was 15) she nags raises hell and lies to my friends saying I say things about them I have never said thinking if she gets rid of my friends I will move to her state. Get knocked up by some kid and work the system like her and my sister before my clock stops ticking! Hell no! I have a particular hatred for unwed mothers. Damn lazy sows. When I was 14 one of my step moms 18 year old unwed mother friends dropped her newborn son off at our house. Both my parents worked 3rd shift. I was home alone. She said she would be back. Several weeks later she did come. I became that babys mother like it or not. Had to learn how to diaper. Make formula. Take care of a baby who was born with herpes. Mom was a prostitute. He also suffered colic and bronchitis and somehow he was my responsibility. I was a 14 year old virgin who almost flunked the 8th and 9th grade because I had a baby to take care of. I loved him dearly but he shouldn’t have been my responsibility. I kissed what was left of my childhood goodbye. When I was 15 mommy tried to recruit me in her teen prostitution ring. I told her and her friends no and got the hell beaten out of me. They were later arrested in Texas. She took her son and sold him for 10 thousand dollars and took the underage girls out of state. Theft and a bunch of other stuff. It took a lot of work but we got the boy back. While she was in prison she kept promising to sign adoption papers but never did. When he was 6 she got out. He didn’t know her but she ripped him away from us so she could get all her freebie unwed mother benefits. I’ve seen him twice since then. Now he’s an adult. In and out of jail. On drugs. A big mess. He had a great loving home. He shouldn’t have been my responsibility but maybe that experience helped me keep my panties on. These sluts will stop at nothing. After she took him the hurt was so great my parents divorced. I have been on my own since before age 20. Due to the economy I have found myself homeless. I had a job. But with no college only low paying jobs are available to people live me where I’ve lived. When I was 20 I was living under a bridge. I had pneumonia. I went to Human Services for help. They said I didn’t meet their requirements. Too bad I didn’t have dependents. The few homeless shelters were full. I almost died under that bridge. Due to unwed mothers blackmail tactics to my parents with the tension it created going home wasn’t an option though I asked if I could. Society encourages girls/women to have babies out of wedlock. With a baby you can get free child care if you choose to go back to school. There are programs for unwed mothers to go to school for free. Super cheapola housing. Foodstamps for more than its possible for these people to eat it all. Welfare checks people feel sorry for them. Give them clothes and in some cases even vehicles. It makes me want to vomit when I wonder as a working person since 1984 just how much of my tax money has gone to some God damned lazy slut but when I was homeless or very sick I was simply turned away. More recently I met a man who professed to love me and wanted to marry me. But when some drunken drug addict unwed mother that had several kids with different men and lost all of them because she let a guy rape her 5 year old daughter for drugs. He jumped at the chance to drive across the country to help her but he sure as hell hasn’t done anything to help me but dislocate my shoulder and wreck my car. Why are some men so infatuated with other mens babies coming out of their girlfriends cunt before he got to her. Why do men get so hot for used merchandise? Brown nipples? Loose big beefy lips down there. Not feeling anything when they put their Dick in it? Wanting a pussy so big it can take a fist or worse one both hands can go in easily and they can clap! Yuck! Its making things hard for single hard working women with values that in past generations were normal: date marry THEN have a baby. Its making it hard for women with traditional values to find a husband. I’m not frigid. I love to work together. Have fun together. Not be nasty or hateful. But its hard for single women with no kids to find husbands. And no I’m not ugly or weird or anything like that. These bitches have hurt our economy so much its effecting care our senior citizens get (its horiffic!) and our veterans. Put the skanks at the bottom of the totem pole. Not seniors and vets for Christs sake! I know how to fix the problem once and for all. First Mommy finds her fetal factory works and she has no husband. She wants welfare. Fine. Let her have it. But right after baby and the D and C sever and fuse permanently her tubes so there is no more chances to make more “welfare checks”. Give her regular and surprise drug tests! Once kiddie is in mandatory pre k classes mommy is hitting the pavement looking for a job and has to check in as like people on unemployment! Once the child is in kindergarten for sure she is seriously job hunting and securing employment and has to work a certain number of hours a week even if its 2 jobs! If babysitting is problem there would be state sanctioned day care 24/7 so mommy has no excuses! And no chance of child abuse by sitters. Let’s put our money into these day cares. These bimbos usually hang out with ex cons druggies perverts etc so the set up daycares would protect the real victims here. And if mommy screws up. Drugs. DWI’s ANY criminal activity she jeapordizes losing her child. All benefits and possible jailtime! Let’s not glamorize this anymore! Shows like Playing House make it look nice and women like our beautiful Hollywood celebrity unwed moms make it seem normal. Its not! Its shameful. Only exceptions besides widows and possibly divorcées is rape victims who chose to have the baby. I understand that but not any other reasons unless they are financially capable and mentally and emotionally capable older established women whose time is running out. I believe also ALL parents should have mandatory child rearing classes. Babies come with no instructions. Our focus should be on the innocents. Not the selfish bitches who would rather have babies than work. Changes like I’ve mentioned would make society and our economy better for everyone.

  • http://www.rahulgladwin.com Rahul

    Interesting article. I was recently asked out by a single mother. Initially I said yes, but refused to go out on a date with her.

    I was sitting alone and feeling bad about refusing her, however, after reading your article I feel a lot better. I can’t believe dating a single mom is so complicated. She’s a nice gal and all but I don’t want to overly complicate my life. She has two teenage sons who are going off to college…imagine that!

  • Married in the ‘Burbs

    While the author’s views on “homosexual marriage” and abortion are cringeworthy, it is clearly a non-Christian man’s best effort to acknowledge the pitfalls of single mothers. As a mother myself, I totally endorse the author’s cautions against getting involved with single moms. (By the same logic, women should steer clear of single dads.) Life happens, and we need to have grace and compassion for people who end up parenting outside the umbrella of marriage. But the author nails it about viewing single parents with a great deal of skepticism when it comes to dating them. At the very least, it takes an extraordinarily strong, forgiving, and mature soul who is willing to hitch their life to a wagon already loaded down with some very heavy baggage.

    I wish single parents and blended families would stop trying to put a heroic happy face on their circumstances. It’s almost as if they wish to entice others into the same burdens they’re carrying, rather than having the courage and transparency to admit the difficulties they created through their own bad choices.

    • K

      I’m sure that if your husband just up and left you, you wouldn’t feel the same way. You can’t predict divorce, otherwise the people who do get divorced probably wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.

  • Iseeijits

    I don’t think I could disagree more, although I do understand the advice.

    My own sister had massive psychological and emotional problems due mainly to the abusive boyfriends she had in her life who would fuck about with her in many ways. The last one, he was a paranoiac alcohol abusing monster who fucked about with her the worst that left her in a massive shit state with a kid to raise on her own with no help from him due to his complete inefficiency as a compassionate human being.

    Fast-forward many years to today and she’s been happily married for a year with three great kids, a happy home with a great guy who didn’t see her or her single parent status as a problem.

    This advice you’re giving out, in many ways I understand it, but in others, it seems very cruel.

  • K

    Well, I guess I can’t agree with EVERYTHING you write. I would appreciate if you could clear some things up. What do you define a single mother as? I am unmarried, but have been with my son’s father for almost 6 years. If we were to split up, I would encourage my son’s father to stay in his life, yet I am sure he would choose to of his own free will. Would that make me un-datable? Both men and women can hide character flaws for quite some time if necessary. Would I or my significant other become unworthy of companionship if suddenly one or the other showed their true colors which caused the other to leave?

    • Just Me

      This is an easy one. An unwed mother. That is someone who is unmarried and has had a baby. My question is do you plan on getting married now that a kid is involved? Once you choose to have unprotected sex and a baby is the result its not about you. Its about your child! Once you found out you were pregnant and as you’ve mentioned you’ve been with your partner for 6 years did you have any intention to make this right as in getting married BEFORE the baby came? Society’s morals are in the toilet. If you two split up do you plan to do this again? Then your new partner has his last name. New baby has that fathers last name. I assume your son has his fathers last name and you have your last name. We now commonly see 3, 4, 5 or more last names in the same household and this is awful! Next questions that make unwed mothers worse! Do you enjoy my tax dollars? Do you enjoy living for free while I work? Do you enjoy WIC ? ADC? Title19? Free college? Reduced rent? If so and if you want to be more respectful knock that shit off! Nobody but you and your boyfriend made a baby in your personal household. Nobody forced you to have unprotected sex. Stop your benefits for reproducing if you’re on welfare. Get a job and take care of YOUR responsibility! And if you two split up please for Gods sake use protection. Get married. I don’t want to support you! I’d rather help out our veterans who are protecting us and coming home shunned or with missing limbs. Yes! You are an unwed mother!

      • K

        Although I assume you are not the author, thank you for answering. So your definition, rather stereotype of a single mother would be someone who was never married, unemployed, lives off government, and whose children have an absentee father, or at least one who is nothing more than a check in the mail. I had a single mother, and she was none of these. She was always employed, never got a cent from welfare, she went to college (not on the taxpayer dime) and was married to my father before I was born. When my parents divorced, they were still civil to one another, and I saw my father multiple times a week. Not that it matters, but what is your take on her situation? Since it clearly doesn’t fit into your stereotype of what a single motheris is.

      • BobbyW

        That kind of personal attack is unwarranted. There is no indication that this woman is on government assistance. While you may not agree with the way she and her partner have decided to arrange their relationship, it is not grounds to accuse her of being a lazy, freeloading, drain on society who can’t keep her legs shut.

    • Bobby W

      You are not a single mother then. You are a woman in a committed relationship.
      There’s a risk to dating a single mother whose ex is still in the picture. As I found out about a week ago, the reason my ex left me is because she ended up fucking her ex-husband, and is now back together with him. The man she claimed to hate, the piece of shit that fucked her over time and again, that hasn’t spent more than 2 hours alone with his daughter in years, and she ended up picking that asshole over someone who would have done anything for her, and treated her as well as he was able, for five minutes of pleasure and an abusive dickhead.
      For me, I’m going to stay away from single mothers from now on if I ever feel well enough to start dating again. It’s too much risk. Hell, her ex was, for the most part, out of the picture except for the occasional child support payment, and it still happened.
      And no, you wouldn’t be unworthy of companionship, but you’d probably have a harder time proving that you’re committed to them, because of the fact that there is a man around that you have had sex with on many occasions, that you’ve spent large amounts of time with, that you had to love at some point, who you are still in contact with. That man may still have feelings for you, or you for him. Those emotions that you have felt for this person don’t just fade away. All it takes is one moment of weakness, one lapse in judgement, and you could seriously hurt someone.
      Hell, I’m walking proof of that. I still don’t really eat or sleep, I still can’t watch my favorite tv shows, or listen to much music. I just laughed for the first time in three months a few days ago. I’m still fucked up over this woman, even knowing how she fucked me over.

      • K

        I thank you for responding, and am sorry that your situation went as it did. I understand your reasons for not wanting to date single mothers, and I don’t blame you considering what you went and are going through.

      • Just Me

        Bobby W. The opposite of married is single. If someone hasn’t even done so much as a “commitment ceremony” they are single. A mother is a woman who has given birth or has adopted a child. So a single woman who is just “going steady” who has given birth is an unwed mother. The ones who do this as a career choice are the ones who are putting our country’s economy in jeapordy. Any doubts? Just go to your local Walmart and find the woman with at least 2 young kids pushing a shopping cart that’s full to its limits. Follow her to the check out. Wait as she fishes out her WIC items. Next will be her foodstamps which will be hundreds of dollars and most of the “food” will be junk food. Follow her to her vehicle without being obvious about it. Some of these women are in expensive vehicles. They run a fetal factory for this and really know how to work the system. Others drive a piece of crap someone felt sorry for them and just gave it to them. If you doubt this how does someone with no job have a vehicle gas and mandatory insurance. What exactly is an unwed mother to you ? That’s my basic description of it. Women who have never married yet they chose to have a baby. If they are so committed in their relationships then once they discover they are pregnant they should march their knocked up asses with the person who knocked them up into a court house church justice of the peace etc and show how committed they are and get married instead of making bastard babies and becoming a leech to society and a disgrace! If they can’t do this well today there are choices. Condoms. IUD. Shots and pills diaphragms vasactomies tying tubes etc. Only excuses are rape victims divorcées and widows. This is the facts. Unmarried means you’re single no ifs ands or buts.

        • Just Me

          Oh yeah. A bastard in description is a baby who is born out of wedlock. Doesn’t matter if the mother knew the father or was committed to him or not. Its a baby born outside of marriage. Look it up in your dictionary.

        • K

          Well, Just Me, I can assure you that I am not walking up to any check out paying for anything with foodstamps, and I sure as hell don’t have an expensive car. Neither would I consider myself a “fetal factory”, as I have just one child. I also don’t see why having a piece of paper that proves to the state that you are committed makes you any less of a mother. A legally married mother has just as much ability to abuse and neglect her kids, cheat on her partner, or receive welfare as a “single” mother. I love my son more than life itself. Would magically become a better mother and partner if I paid 70 bucks for a piece paper that acknowledges that I am committed to my family?

        • BobbyW

          I agree with you for the most part. I used to work at a grocery store, and I’ve seen it countless times besides with relatives on my dad’s side of the family.
          However, in this particular situation, there is no indication that any of these apply to the woman who asked the question.
          How do you know that there aren’t any extenuating circumstances that prevent them from getting married?
          You posted an attack on a person without knowing the particulars of her situation. that is what I disagreed with.

          • Just Me

            All I know is she chose to have unprotected sex and brought a baby in the world. When a baby is made the baby must be the focus and not what’s best or easiest for the mother. We rarely saw problems like this in past generatios. People didn’t go around screwing like feral animals like now. It was shameful and disgraceful to have one child out of wedlock. Let alone litters of them! Quick weddings were made. Welfare wasn’t abused. Times were gentler. Less people were in jail or on drugs. Less murders because we had decent values and kids were raised by in most of the cases by their married biological parents and there weren’t all these half siblings and not any talk of “Babydaddy” bullshit! Values and morals start early. Mommy having a revolving door on her bedroom. Popping out babies like popcorn. No job. And abusing welfare. What kind of values does this make for out children? Turn on your TV. Watch the news. It would be interesting to see how many of our young violent criminals were raised in households I just described. This kind of thing is making our modern world very frightening and not good for any of us. I will say it again. Our society is in the toilet.

  • Adam

    This man is a genius

    • Just Me

      Not a man. But thanks for genius comment. I’d rather think of myself as someone who chose not to dump my responsibilities onto other people. I do understand that people can abuse their parner or children regardless of marital status but that’s why one should make damn sure who they are making a baby with or don’t have sex with that person in the first place. Or if you just can’t help yourself use protection! I’m sure unwed mothers can and do love their children. But isn’t it better for the child to have parents. Both parents who created them together in the household? Not Mom out with her boyfriend. They break up. New boyfriend comes along. Yada yada yada. Its a cycle. Babies are serious step and a serious decision. They are human beings who need to be thought about before 2 horny people get together. Then oops. Then the guy tells the girl either its not his. Then leaves. Or the laughable “You got yourself pregnant. ” statement. Then he’s gone and the public is stuck with many thousands of these oops babies. Birth control isn’t that hard to use. I’m a woman. I am responsible for myself. Not co dependant on the state or anyone else. As adults we need to be responsible for our actions or decisions and unless there is a medical, mental, or age issue don’t expect society to pay for our decisions! I continue to stand by my beliefs.

  • Mom, not in a relationship

    Interesting view of things and I think this is how many people think. I believe there are many women out there who have suffered emotional and/or physical abuse in their past and have made all kinds of mistakes that are considered ‘wrong’. The logic behind this, is that there were a lot of ‘wrong choices’ made for them as a child and so they might have had a slower development of their own autonomy. I know this, because this is me. The upside is, I AM developing, and I learned a lot from it. I don’t date, because I don’t have time for it. My daughter is 1,5 and has a great understanding of emotions and can verbalize them. She’s loved and has my attention 24/7. She’s free to take her own choices every day and has my support to do whatever is safe for her and her environment. Please learn not to generalize too much, it will make your life a little more unpleasant. I know you do so out of caution, but learn to see the grey contours not just the black and white.

  • Dave

    You were a sex addict and you didn’t take multiple forms of birth control. In other words you made a choice.
    A lot of women are posting on here asking men not too be judgemental. Very bad idea.
    Men, this is exactly when you should be most judgemental. Single mothers have already demonstrated how disposal they consider fathers. It’s right there in your face every day.
    Bloody right Men should judge single mothers and if they are any judge they will steer clear.
    If single mothers don’t like it then they should have thought of that before they disposed of the father.

    • Dave

      Sorry. My first 2 sentences were directed at an earlier poster who said she was a sex addict. Which is a real addiction not a turn of phrase. She has this condition but made multiple poor reproductive decisions.
      My point is that any man that doesn’t want his life ruined by the family court will indeed judge and stay clear of all single mothers.

      • Just Me

        Mom. I’m glad you’re growing up. If you’re not on welfare and are trying to improve your life for yourself and your kid then I applaud that. Just don’t make any more kids until Mr. Right comes along and does his part in making a permanent and real family. Thatd be great. You’re on the right path there. You can’t blame it all on your past though. I’m a woman that had a hellish childhood. Lots of beatings. Kicked out at a young age. I just have applied myself to work and the fuck you attitude I’m gonna be successful to those whi badly hurt me as a child. You are on the right path. Work your butt off and strive for success. And fellas you’re at fault too. Female birth control is not infallible that’s why I’m here. If you’re going to the party bring a hat! ( a rubber ) use it correctly. You guys are at fault too. Don’t take the womans word. Use a rubber or pay for raising your own kid because I don’t want to!

  • Frances

    I am single mom and still managed to graduate from the University of AZ, with my masters. I make a nice healthy six figures a year and guess what……I did without any public assistance. To put the icing on the cake, I’m also African American. So you can take this article and shove it up your ass. My son is and always has been well taken care of and loved. He has never gone without necessary items, and I’ve managed to finish everything I’ve ever started. : )

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      All the necessary things. Except a father. Nope. You failed.

      • Dave

        Frances seems to miss the point entirely. As JB points out Frances failed to finish in the most important aspect, securing and maintaining a father for the child. More than that Frances fails to provide any reason to dispute the topic of the thread. The topic being the advice to men that men should not date single mothers. Frances is so wrapped up in herself that she can’t even see it.

        • Just Me

          Yes and its the child who suffers. It doesn’t matter how much money she has. One thing money can’t buy is a REAL family. Mom Dad and the kids. Kids need Dads. Little girls do to teach them how a man should act and treat a woman. It should be that way. Boys need a Dad to show them how to be a man. Whether its football or camping and outdoors man type stuff. And moms boyfriends just can’t cut the mustard here unless they’re REAL serious. And wedding bells is pretty damn serious!

      • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

        Oh get used to it, Black women are an angry bunch… They will never admit failure.

    • Just Me

      Laying on your back with your legs spread. Yep. And if your exceptionally beautiful you can make a lot of money to pay your way thru school doing that or your family helped you. There is no way in hell you left your son at home alone and worked at McDonalds and paid your way thru school without help. You’re a bimbo. And trying to find honor in that. Someone helped you! How well adjusted is your son? Relationship issues? Treat women like crap? Cheats? Gay? Sired his own bastards? Keep those rose colored glasses on honey. Your living in denial.

      • Just Me

        And if your sons too young for any of that just sit back and watch. You’ll see. Just give it some time. Yes indeed. Society is swirling around in the toilet!

  • Trac

    So tell me the reasons for not having a man in the picture aside, should all these men you are offering advice to jump head first into a relationship with a widowed mother? Are their children not just as wounded by the lack of a father figure as the children of a divorced or single mother? Stating that they are better than single or divorced mother is just as judgemental as stating that all single mothers are the lowest of the low on the dating totem pole. You have no idea what their relationship was like prior to the death, maybe they had a shitty family life, maybe he was an alchoholic that died driving drunk. Everyone on this forum that actually accepts everything in this article should grow a pair of balls decide on a person to person bases. You are what’s wrong with this world by lumping all single mothers in together, their are single mothers out there that have bigger balls than everyone of you so called men on here. Because while you’re here commenting on how much better you are than they are, they’re pulling double duty being the mother and the father, providing a loving household for their children. GROW THE FUCK UP AND DON’T LET SOME JUDGEMENTAL BITCH TELL YOU WHO YOU SHOULD OR WHO YOU SHOULDN’T DATE

    • Just Me

      Maybe he was an asshole who knows. But at least there was a commitment rather than the 2 careless people who fuck without considering consequences of a real live human being being the result! I’m sick of cum dumpsters making babies for a career choice. You accept these people. Great. its your choice. Shell out your money at a job you actually attend and take it to Human Services as charity! By your tone I think you protest too much and that you ARE an unwed mother who needs spayed do you stop leechiing off our tax dollars! If you’re so pissed off why are you here? This site is called Judgy Bitch and this is America so fuck off unwed mother. Get a hysterectomy. Get a job and make yourself useful! (dressed!)

      • Just Me

        Oh yeah and unwed mothers don’t have balls you twit. They have ovaries and that’s what’s causing the problem! Were not telling anyone who they can and cannot date here. Were just giving the guys a heads up!

    • Dave

      Trac can’t help herself from pulling out shaming tactics. These women should be avoided at all cost, single mothers or not. If she uses shaming tactics like Trac above and she is a single mother then she is basically all set to make life a living hell for any man naive enough to entertain the thought of a relationship. Trac seems to fail to grasp that no man worth the name wants a woman who thinks she has larger male genitals than any rational thinking male. She isn’t able to dispute the topic so she tries to drag widows down to her level and shame men into submission. Standard operating procedures for a feminist. She can’t stand it that men aren’t buy that hipocracy any more.

      • Just Me

        These types of women can’t make a man stick around. Biological fathers run away as fast as they can. The horned dogs can’t won’t and don’t put up with it and leave. Often creating more fatherless kids. Who pays for it? The kids and the tax payers. Unwed moms certainly don’t. Most of them can afford tattoos piercings and fake nails but they can’t afford their own apartments and food. The stuff for survival then they come here screaming victim. And no they are in no way like a widow. I’d like to just puke thinking of that comparison. Let’s see what the next troll says here to defend herself while she’s pointing her finger at us who think this lifestyle choice is sad immoral selfish and disgusting.

        • Trac

          Well to each his own, as I have said I am not a single mother so I am not defending myself to your judgemental ways just having my own opinion which is clearly not welcome to close minded fools. I much prefer the company of those who my their own decisions. Thank god there are decent men out there though none on this page clearly

          • Just Me

            I think the guys here are great. And I think J.B. Is pretty awesome too. Maybe you haven’t been out in the adult world long enough for your eyes to have been opened. To see these women. Baby after baby with man after man. They don’t hold jobs. They don’t even try to be of any value to society. Just have more and more kids they aren’t capable of feeding and clothing themselves and somebody has to do it. Maybe you’ve never genuinely needed a help up from the state. Only to be rejected because you don’t have any dependents. I have. As an 18 year old homeless girl who had no food. Nowhere to go in the Midwest in the winter. “Too bad you have no dependents. There would be plenty of resources for you “. Very harsh to a kid living under a bridge. But my unwed mother acquaintances has heated apartments. Medical care. And more food than they could eat. Is this fair? Or as I see now. Old people who are denied proper medical care. They are treated as disposable. Veterans much the same. How about people like this? Kids who get kicked out? Old people who worked all their lives being denied proper care. This is sadly happening to some of my Vietnam War. Korean War and World War II friends who fought for Americas freedom and I sure as hell feel more for these heros over some horny lazy piece of trash! Doubt it? Go volunteer at a VA as well as a nursing home. Don’t say you don’t feel like it. Go educate yourself with facts. Maybe you’re not an unwed mother but your mom sister or best friend is and you’re standing up for her / them. Well maybe I’m standing up for some good folks who worked and contributed to society and are treated second rate so our government can take good care of your baby factory acquaintances. Just go volunteer at a VA and a nursing home a couple weeks THEN come back and share with all of us what you’ve learned. Your friends won’t look so honorable then. Trust me.

          • Just Me

            Trac. I’m in the United States. The people I’m referring to aren’t divorced women. They tried to be in a committed relationship. The women I’m talking about aren’t even common law. The ones I’m talking about are single/never married who have unteen kids all with different last names. These women don’t work. They just live off the goverment. And children are the excuse why they don’t work or work deliberately so few hours they get welfare checks. And that’s fine if they want to live with what I mentioned before. Give them the welfare. Once the baby comes out and after the D and C they need to have their cords severed and permanently fused. Hey if our government can force healthcare on people that can’t afford it and THAT doesn’t violate our rights then forced sterilization of freeloaders shouldn’t be a rights violation either. Give them a free mealticket doctors and low rent until the little one enters mandatory pre school. Then mommy has to get a job or she gets her benefits cut off and heavy fines. Also speaking of mandatory. Mandatory child rearing classes and surprise drug tests. Free 24/7 daycares state ran only for when mommy is at work so she can’t use the “I can’t find a babysitter” as an excuse. Also this would protect the child from abusers. Let them have help with that child until he or she graduates highschool. Make graduation also mandatory. Then all benefits get cut off. This would stop babies as a career choice! And in this country I read an article about people being aware that in nursing homes that substances have been found in foods and beverages to hurry the patients death up. Its being taken out on our elderly because the baby makers are abusing the system so much that were running out of money here. Some drastic things need to happen here to stop these women from milking the system. Again were not raking rape victims, divorcées, or widows over the coals here. Just professional unwed mothers, ok?

          • Trac

            You say that you’re not but others on this thread are such as with Dave in his reply to Frances, which you agreed with him on. Also this whole article focuses on not just the “unwed baby factories” but the divorcees as well, I am just as much against the women who pop them out for a pay check as you are, but my issue is with the ones who are raking the divorcees and the sperated common-law women over the coals. And before anyone can attack me on that as well I will point out that I am referring to the ones that have been in a strong relationship for many years and not just had a shotgun marriage because the girl got knocked up

          • Dave

            I’m not ‘dragging single mothers over the coals’. I am telling men not to date them. I’m telling men not to touch them with a barge pole. I am also explaining why any rational man would reach the same conclusion. It’s not as if Trac is addressing any of those issues. It is not as if Trac has pushed to change the biased laws. Trac still hasn’t considered things from the man’s point of view. She is trying to steer the discussion away from the unbalanced risk reward of a relationship with a single mother. Her argument seems to be that ‘not all single mothers are like that’. Just like ‘not all feminists are like that’. Yeah right.
            News flash ladies. It makes no difference if 1 in a thousand single mothers is mother Theresa when the remaining likely hood and impact of the risks to the man and any of his children is so devastating. More and more men are waking up to the reality and you can’t prevent it.
            You should have thought about that before you kicked the father of your child out of the scene.
            Invest in some cats.

    • Melanie

      “Why do people say ‘Grow some balls’?
      Balls are weak and sensitive!
      If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina!
      Those things can take a pounding.”
      – Thank you, Ms. Betty White

  • ART

    No not all single mothers are like that. Sometimes its her fault that she has a child out of wedlock. Sometimes its the guys fault. Sometimes its the fault of both.

    I agree with the rest of your post.

    • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

      Sometimes??? Birth Control is easily had; what is preventing society from using it? Did you know the US has the highest rates of STD’s in the developed world? That means there’s a functional disconnect somewhere. Forget getting pregnant for a minute, think of the life threatening diseases a sex partner could be carrying?

      I am 43, never married, no kids and African-American on top of that.

      How did I manage this? It’s not because women don’t like me. It’s not because I didn’t bang single mothers. Of course I did; but always with a condom. If they made the mistake once, what’s stopping them from doing it again?

      Should I mention that almost all these women were White???

      I started to see a trend when I hit 30 that I found disturbing. The majority of women in my dating pool were single mothers. Almost all of them working at some pink economy job, none of them high wage earners.

      It took me until recently to discover that I have more control over my dating life than I gave myself credit for. So after adding up the numbers, I’ve determined that in North America; I have been priced out of the dating market.

      I don’t have a degree, so college educated women don’t even know I exist and if they do, they’ll toss me back because I don’t have the prerequisite College Degree and White Collar job. While I am over 6’0 tall, I am no longer under 35.

      So really what’s left is terrible, even worse and unimaginable.

      The only choice left is to go overseas.

  • http://www.blackmediascoop.com/i-fell-in-love-single-mom-leaving-3-kids-behind-to-marry-prisoner/ John

    Read the case below and understand why the author of this blog is fucking right!!!!

    “I FELL IN LOVE” SINGLE MOM LEAVING 3 KIDS BEHIND TO MARRY PRISONER
    A British mom is leaving her kids to make a new life with a U.S. prisoner she met online.
    Jennifer Butler is flying 5,000 miles from England to marry Christopher Mosier, 23, leaving her three young children — all under 10 years old.
    She plans to set up a home with him when he’s released on parole in September, leaving her kids with their dad, whom she split with in 2010.
    “Some people might think I’m bonkers for falling in love with a prisoner. And not everyone will agree with our relationship,” Butler, 29, of Suffolk, explained. “But Chris is a wonderful man. Sure, he made a few mistakes in the past, but everybody deserves a second chance.”
    The single mom started writing to Mosier in July 2011 after seeing his profile on the website writeaprisoner.com — a website that connects inmates with pen pals. His profile revealed he had been sentenced to 15 years in 2009 for a violent burglary and drug charges.
    Butler says she felt an immediate connection to him and was impressed by his honesty. “I felt sorry for him being locked up, nobody to talk to except other prisoners. Of course, I didn’t condone his crimes. But he was still a human being, and deserved to have a friend,” she said.
    They started writing up to three letters a week and developed a strong friendship, but in June 2013, Butler suddenly stopped receiving letters. “I felt really sad that I hadn’t heard from him. That’s when I realized my feelings for him ran a lot deeper. I no longer saw him as just a friend anymore,” Butler says.
    “Then a month later I received a letter from him. He told me that the prison had been on lockdown so he had not been able to get stamps to write to me. “I realized I was in love with him and that letter made me admit it to myself. I couldn’t bear to lose him.”
    Their relationship became more serious, and Butler even encouraged her three children, Tyler, 8, Tristan, 7, and Mia, 4, to write to him, too.
    After saving from her job as a part-time sales assistant, Butler was able to afford a trip to Minnesota, where Mosier is serving his sentence.
    Her first visit was in October last year. But Mosier had been in a fight with another prisoner and had lost his visiting privileges. They had to speak through a glass screen. “We weren’t allowed to touch because he was a maximum-security prisoner at the time,” said Butler. “We had a glass window between us and had to talk through a phone. When I saw him walking down the corridor I knew he was the man for me. We talked for four hours and it felt like I’d known him all my life.”
    Butler insists she will be reunited with her children once she is settled in the U.S. “He held my hand and said how much I meant to him and he got emotional. He never usually does,” she said. “He then said he wanted to make me happy and asked me to marry him. I just broke down. I said of course I would.”
    Mosier is up for parole in September, and the couple plan to marry when he is released.
    What da hell?

    • Jack Strawb

      Well, who knows why this weird comment system is the way it is…
      Janet’s off the rails. I’ve known more than a few single moms who were good bets and had sweet, well behaved kids. Of course, all but one of these little families were from the province of Quebec. Still, judge cases individually. If she’s working, if she’s smart, if her child is happy (and that reflects well on her parenting), try dating. Maybe wait on the sex longer than you otherwise would.

  • Pingback: Tough love for single dudes considering single moms | Honor Dads()

  • http://parthasadhukhan.com parthasadhukhan

    Dear Janet. I have also written a similar article in Indian context. Looks like our thoughts match pretty much –

    http://parthasadhukhan.wordpress.com/2014/04/17/second-marriage-avoid-single-mothers/

  • Single MOM

    Ok while I agree with some points made… This “Just Me” character is just asinine! I’m a young single mother of 1 daughter. I don’t benefit from any governmental assistances. Completed and graduated from college during and after pregnancy(on my own dime) and now own 3 businesses 2 sole proprietorships and one non-profit for the Ronald McDonald House… My daughter is in swim classes, gymnastics, and competes in pageants she’s very well taken care of. How did I get in this predicament? My fiance got me pregnant we stayed together 6 months after my daughter was born, were even trying for another and our wedding was not too far around the corner. Next thing I know my fiance is packed and gone, leaving myself and his(not just mine) 6 month old for good (because he couldn’t handle the fact that for once he wasn’t the bread winner?!) Then he shacks up with some piece of trash who didn’t want him to be involved with his own kid, lives off the government, lives at home with her mom at 27, and takes care of her 6y/o daughter and fathers another kid with her after 3 months of him leaving us. But this is my fault? And how is that fair to my child? I’m sorry but not all single mothers are cock sucking whores who live off of the government and don’t want to do good things in life. Some of us are strong, intelligent, beautiful, businesswomen. Who just happened to think the wrong guy was the one… it happens and I’m sorry but I’m Catholic and could never abort my child not that I’m opposed to others getting one that’s their business… But as a woman who was committed to getting married (with a ring and date set), educated, job holding, non drug addicted person I saw nothing wrong with procreating even if it was untimely she’s no mistake and definitely no wretch.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      Sadly, you are far from the typical single mothers out there. You are not a problem. They are.

      • Just Me

        Yes just another bimbo leaving out some things. A young single mother. Minimum wage is 7.50 an hour. The approximate wage for a person who has no college. Rent if you’re lucky is 475 a month if you’re careful. And there is food. Toiletries. If you had a car there is gas and insurance. That more than ate your months pay. Now let’s add prenatal care. Minimum wage jobs do not provide health care. The hospital bill for delivery. Now Pampers. Formula etc. And you say you went to college and worked paying for all that on a minimum wage before college salary. Did you hire a sitter meaning more money being paid out or did you leave your kid alone for 8 plus hours a day? Did it alone? Tell that to a 2 year old. First before he put his dick in you without a rubber you should have considered consequences. You’re no different than any of the other bimbos. You had the baby. Horned dog used you as a cum dumpster and left! You felt entitled. Others felt sorry for you and helped you. You worked your con job and are doing well now. Go get yourself spayed so this doesn’t happen again. Con artist unwed mothers are no better or worse than the rest. First comes love. Then comes. MARRIAGE! THEN comes the baby carriage! You had help. Don’t try to con us here bimbo. Run along now and share this BS elsewhere. You make me sick. Only ex exceptions are rape victims widows and divorcees. If you’re not sure he is going to stick around for you and your potential child don’t screw him then scream victim. You are like the rest of these shitbags!

        • Trac

          Hey Just Me I thought you told me in your reply to one of my posts that you were only raking “the professional unwed mothers” over the coals and then you come and insult this woman who not only was enganged to the man who got her pregnant but only has 1 child. How does that make her a professional unwed mother, make up your mind

          • Just Me

            Trac. She was trying for another kid! She claims to be religious and uses that as an excuse. I don’t condone abortion. But using Catholicism as her reason for having the baby but the other side of the fence is sex outside marriage in the Catholic religion is seen as dirty and sinful. Procreating is worse Result of bastard is very much worse not even trying to marry before the baby comes is horrid. And trying for another while single is beyond words! I don’t know what liberal Parrish she attends but I know how mine would feel about her. My problem with her Trac is her even using her faith to back-up her actions and using the Catholic church as her reason and bragging about hee success at her choice is my particular problem with Single Mom. Maybe she didn’t have litters of bastard but she has another sickening agenda. Poor me he ran away buy I conned by way thru and look at me now! But my deliberately pro created daughter has no Daddy and is a bastard and is the real victim here. Shame on this braggart!

          • https://www.facebook.com/jmdomaniii John Doman

            Sex outside of marriage is considered disordered, not “dirty”. It is considered seriously wrong, but your idea that the offspring of premarital sex are “bastards” and looked down upon is totally foreign to Catholic moral teaching.

          • Just Me

            My minds made up. I thought about Single Mom. She was trying for another baby with the clown who left. And she was on her way to making a litter but the guy left. She is no better. She is just a good and very lucky con artist. Go get your calculator. You know that the vast majority of people before college make minimum wage. Those jobs won’t give you 40 hours a week because they don’t want to give benefits. Figure her rent approximately 450 a month because she wants us to believe she had no help plus food Toiletries cleaning supplies clothes washing toilet paper etc. Car expenses if she had one. Plus maternal care. Hospital bills diapers formula clothing. Now add college. No help. My calculator shows this doesn’t add up even if she left her kid home alone with no sitter. Trac She had help and you should be angry. It looks to me like she had a lot of help! I guess I need to expand my exceptions. Cons are in that list now as well as the ones who sit and do nothing. Others used their time and wallets to help her. She didn’t do it alone. Impossible. Unless like I mentioned before. She was a beautiful prostitute and earned a lot of money doing this and could afford it. I’m no kid. Been on the workforce since 1985. This doesn’t ads up on a good Catholic girls income. She had a lot of help or was doing immoral things to do on her own!

        • Just Me

          Oh yeah. Your daughter was born and you tried for another while you were still single. You made her a bastard. He didn’t care about her or you enough to marry you before she came along and You were foolish enough to lay down with him deliberately trying to create another bastard and you call me assinine? I call you a self centered retard. Your daughter no matter how much you conned your way to provide for her is a bastard. I’m a Catholic too. I know how the Roman Catholic Church feels about procreation outside of marriage and abortion. Did you go to confession about the first bastard? What did your priest say about you trying for second bastard? I can see it now” Father forgive me for I have sinned. I am a selfish stupid slut maker of bastard. Forgive me as I am entitled”

        • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

          You are not the average single mother but I see a few problems with you proclaiming your above the fray.

          1) You still had your child before marriage. Rationally that was the incorrect move; you should have made sure he married you before having a child with him.

          2) I know he’s a White man. How do I know? You said min wage is $7.50 where you live, which puts you in one of three states; New Mexico, Maine and Missouri. Then you proclaimed to be a Catholic, so I am going to say Missouri is your home state.

          I have also found that White men tend to have the problem of being emasculated by a wife or girlfriend who makes more money than they do.

          Statistically men of color make less money than even White women do on average, so I don’t think this is a problem with most of them. However White women tend not to like underachieving men and accomplished men overwhelmingly considering their own before venturing outside.

          When accomplished men do consider women outside their race, single mothers no matter how they got to that point are not considered AT ALL, why should they?

          3) As I said a ring and set date don’t mean squat. Until the deed is done, it’s still not done. Even if you believed it was a forgone conclusion, you still didn’t walk down the isle.

          I would put you in the same boat with Divorce Mothers, since you almost got married. But what value is there to “almost”?

          Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

          • Single MOM

            I never said minimum wage was $7.50 where I lived that was the ” just me” person… minimum wage where I live is practically $8 an hour. Secondly like I said I made a poor judgement call but that’s for me to handle. The point to my story was not all single mothers are welfare whores, and not all of them are looking for someone to provide for them and take care of them and step in as a father to a child that’s not thiers. Personally as a single mother the only think I look for in a man is someone who can take care of their self, will eventually settle down, and someone who loves children and can handle the fact that I already have one. I don’t need a daddy for my daughter, I need a man for me… I consider those first before I even add my daughter to the picture.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

            Nobody said all of them are welfare ho’s. At the working class/lower middle class level, the majority ARE, especially Black women.

            Congratulations on owning your own mistakes.

          • http://creamcheesesalad.wordpress.com 92redrevolver

            I really don’t get how, at this point, we can’t safely assume not making generalised judgements about people for WHATEVER reason is the ideal way to promote equality.

            Unless people are always unequal and black women deserve to be called welfare whores…I mean, fuck. It’s always the fault of the working class/lower middle class who are required to be aspirational and spend money otherwise the economy would dry up.

            So stop being so whiny, I think she owned her mistake well before being left by her partner. I also think the definition of owning one’s mistake should simply be “recognising your own part in something”, that doesn’t mean you cannot ask for help and you cannot hold someone else to be similarly responsible.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

            Who is whining??? I surely wasn’t me, just stating the obvious and why Black men still want to marry Black women when over 70% have a child or two (60%) from two different men?

            I can also congratulate anybody I feel like because most women WON’T OWN their mistakes.

          • http://thereinventionofman.wordpress.com/ monkeywerks

            Its not a black and white issue per se (not talking race). However if a single man with options should in general avoid single moms of all flavors, meaning divorced and kids out of wedlock, he will do much better for himself in general. Divorced women and women who have kids out of wedlock are essentially one of the same. The differences between these women are slight. There are many single moms that do work and have decent if not good jobs making a median income. Its obvious men should stay away from the mothers who have several baby’s daddies.

            If any man really insists on falling in love with a single mom he needs to talk to the baby’s real daddy to ascertain the truth about the woman. Most men would be surprised what they learn.

          • http://thereinventionofman.wordpress.com/ monkeywerks

            I have to ask you from a hypothetical POV. Would your child or your husband be more important to you. Who would you put first the child from another man or the man you say you love and would spend the rest of your life with?

          • David

            White women tend to stay away from under accomplished men? Tell that to all the trendy liberal girls who are leaving there borderline gay hipster boyfriends and making babies with black criminals.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

            So you mad they choose Black “criminal” types over Metrosexual White men? Again the reason why there is “friction” is because middle class and lower middle class/working class White men now have to compete for the same women. This is why the MRM is a lost cause, it’s mostly supported by White men and Black men simply don’t care to support it.

            This is no different than women chasing after criminal types who happen to be White, which still happens. Shawna Fode is your typical lower middle class, mid-size city chick who was attracted too all sorts of shady White men, including some with an axe to grind against people of color.

            Look what that got her…

            So before you criticize White women for dating Criminal Black men, why not list all the White women currently married to criminals, usually White collar.

          • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

            Very good point. White metrosexual pansie over hypermasculine black man with a record? Don’t know which one I’d pick. And we should keep in mind that when white metrosexual gets picked up for doing coke, he is highly unlikely to face any sanctions at all. Black guy is going down on a felony charge.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

            I am glad you mentioned the hypermasculine Black males and the “threat” the impose on Law Enforcement.

            This is why White men can go on killing sprees and end up arrested, tried and convicted; while physical confrontations with the police for Black men often end up deadly.

            That hypermasculinity also makes it hard for Americans to empathize. Which also makes it hard to criticize working class and poor Black people as a Black person because when you do they believe you’re protecting White Supremacy and inequality.

            So if I am linked to them by skin color, I can’t ask them to respect basic right and wrong???

            But before we completely derail this thread, I can confirm that some White women do have babies with the criminal element; White, Latino, Black, even Asian men and eventually end up being single mothers.

          • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

            If you wanted to write an article on the subject I would certainly consider running it on my site. I think it’s a damned important question. Saw Powell shot dead and all I could think was “if that was a woman, she would still be alive”. And of course, if Powell were white on top of that, you can bet your last dollar, she would be alive.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

            Sure, I just need to put some thought into it. Let me see what I can come up with.

    • PJ

      Was going to refrain from replying, but a couple “red flags” popped up for me, and now I have a couple of questions…

      “because he couldn’t handle the fact that for once he wasn’t the bread winner?!”

      Was it the fact that you were a “bread winner”? Or maybe it was the fact that you were throwing this back in his face? Because this sounds like a very arrogant attitude when you two were planning on “becoming one”. You know, when they say “becoming one”, they usually mean that regardless who is the “bread winner”, one side is supposed to support the other, right? So, in conjunction with the next comments, I wonder if you weren’t basically beating him up-side the head with the fact that you make more money than he does (and shooting his self-esteem even more)? Because, quite honestly, in a marriage situation, it’s really a team game, and I wonder if you had figured this out? (and reading your spiel, I have my doubts)

      Which brings me to my next couple of comments from you…

      “…now own 3 businesses 2 sole proprietorships and one non-profit for the Ronald McDonald House…”

      and…

      “Some of us are strong, intelligent, beautiful, businesswomen.”

      These are two MAJOR red-flags to me. If you want to be a “career woman”, more power to you, I’m not knocking you, and congrats for making that part of your life work out.
      But here’s the thing, “career women” ARE married alright…They’re married to their jobs. This is why most guys steer clear of getting into anything other than a fling with them, it’s because it’s mostly all about them, and their relationship with their careers, not about the family, or the children they have therein. The fact is that most women forget this when they decide to go this route. You sort of end up making a choice (either consciously, or sub-consciously) that money, fame, etc., is more important than a family. Us men make the same choice, but, again, it’s one that if we made it, we’re going to put off a lot of things because of it (I.E.- A family, wife, and a “normal” life).

      Combine that with the above thought, and I wonder if the reason why he left you were because you; were becoming a career woman, which may have effected his self-esteem, and you kept making him feel inferior due to the fact that you were the “bread winner”.

      Again, not knocking you for being successful, I also don’t know you personally (so don’t assume). I’m just commenting off of a couple of “red flags” I’ve picked up off your comments.

    • Esteban Tellez

      Good for you but the author was not referring to cases like yours. He is speaking in general terms. Generally speaking, dating a single mother is huge pain in the neck. You’re always the third wheel, you always come second; her kids are, and should be, her priorities. She cancels dates at a moment’s notice, you can’t have a conversation without interruptions, you spend money on that kid, yuck! who needs that crap?

      • Trac

        Please don’t reproduce then because here’s a wake up call; the kids should always come first whether you are a single parent or not. Married couples have to cancel date night at a moments notice, you can’t have conversations without being interrupted and yes you would have to spend money on your own kids too, so if all of that is “yuck” don’t have kids or you will just end up creating another single mother.

        • JimBob

          Actually trac, I hope you never reproduce with your failure at reading comprehension: “her kids are, and should be, her priorities.” Esteban acknowledged that, and *supports* it.

          A mariied couple with kids isn’t a reasonable comparison AT ALL – they’re the *couples’* kids…completely different from taking on someone else’s kids, which likely come from poor decision making (or else they’d be married with a father!).

          THAT’s the crux of the issue – a widow is husband-less NOT by (poor) choices, while unwed mothers/divorced mothers ARE. (Not to say the hold all responsibility, but if they married a poor husband, they had a poor selection mechanism).

    • Scott Adler

      Actually, I don’t think she was referring to you. You appear to be one of the divorced moms she mentioned at the top of her piece — divorced without the divorce.

    • Jack Strawb

      “My fiance got me pregnant …”

      Really? What we you doing at the time?

    • NM

      ‘…My fiance got me pregnant…’

      That statement right there is a huge red flag.

      ‘…this is my fault?…’

      Second red flag: Trashing your ex, which means taking no responsibility for being with him in the first place.

      ‘…I’m sorry but I’m Catholic and could never abort my child…’

      Third red flag: Religious nut who does not use birth control and lies about it, then takes no responsibility for the ‘accidental’ pregnancy.

      Any sane man should run, run, run at the first sight of you.

      And as far as ‘I don’t benefit from any governmental assistances’, who paid for the birth of your child? Jesus?

  • Single MOM

    I’m sorry did I mention I was perfect? I thought my name was Jesus…. Ummm no… If you recall I said my ex left when my daughter was 6 months old even though he left he was a good provider. So there were 2 incomes before the split it wasn’t that hard handling the last semester on my own… and have you heard of dual enrollment??? It is possible to finish any 1-2 year degree before graduating high school…. and if your mother just so happens to be a medical professional and you follow in her footsteps it might be easier for you to get a well paying job straight out of high school to pay for college!… Obviously I was no idiot to begin with I was just naive, I had a life plan. I may have had unprotected sex before marriage but at least I was engaged for a while before hand and I’m sorry but my priest will take a “bastard” as you called her over abortion on any day…. Yes we(my priest and I) had a long talk about the situation after my ex left and what needed to be done differently, which is why I don’t have another child from someone else!

  • Single MOM

    Oh yeah and aside from paying what ever little fees I did have to pay with my paycheck I was also on a soccer and academic scholarship… and super couponing is not beneath me.

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  • Spaniard

    Susan, there is nothing wrong on being a single mom.
    The point is that does not worth it, for a single childfree man, to date a single mom.
    Or, maybe is OK to date a single mom, but not spending money on her child. Or spending a lot of time as a step dad.
    I stil thinking single moms are sweet.

  • Dave

    I am in British Columbia Canada.
    In a common law relationship, if she has a kid and after 2 years she can go after you for child support.

    BUT-THE KID IS NOT YOURS and even though she is getting support from her ex.

    BUT- it doesn’t even need to be 2 years..it can be much less if she can’t afford you to leave.It may not be full support,but still.

    BUT- common law is described at a “marriage like” relationship…..and the feminists have the law stating that you don’t even need to live under the same roof!!

    BUT- she can go after half of any appreciation in property values…even though she paid no taxes no rent no mortgage AND any debts are considered to be family debts EXCEPT for mortgages ..of course!!

    I know a guy,she lived there and just after 2 years she took off…his condo went up by about $150k,she got the order for $75k but he couldn’t afford another mortgage,so had to sell the condo…..and women wonder why there’s thousands upon thousands of escorts and rub n’ tugs here.

    Notoriously picky women-statistically the pickiest in the country- and having unrealistic standards,even female dating coaches are frustrated.

    And they wonder why guys never talk to them in pubs and clubs…..

  • erik sweum

    I got dumped back on February 3rd via text message by my ex who is a single mother…i gotta say this article describes her situation to a T….after reading this im glad she dumped me…i dodged a bullet☺

    • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

      Many times I have not been a suitable man for Single Mothers.

      1) Decided I wasn’t worthy after she paid for dinner one night, conveniently forgetting I paid for dinner the day before. So instead a few years later, she hook up with another man that already had a girlfriend, paid for his bus ticket from North Carolina to Washington state (Vancouver).

      He stayed at her house, rent free, ate her food and didn’t help her with her eldest son who when I was interested her just started to have problems in school related to the lack of a strong male presence.

      How did she know her new live-in boyfriend was already taken? She received a call from his current girlfriend back in NC… How she got the number I don’t know.

      In the end however, she kicked him out after that and he was unable to find a job (not that he was looking). But he left her a going away present, a baby girl, born sometime around 2007 I think.

      2) I traveled all the way from Los Angeles to meet who I thought could be the future Mrs. Thomas in Oslo, Norway. Upon meeting her, I could tell she was underwhelmed; despite all the sexy talk on the phone, all I got was a peck. Hmmmm

      After visiting her apartment for about 30 mins, we set off to find a place for me to stay because as you know she was a single mother and didn’t want to explain to her five year old son where this strange man came from. Understandable, no reason to involve random men in the boy’s life if you’re not sure.

      However after having lunch and unable to find a open hostel, she excused herself claiming she needed to pick up her son from daycare. She pecked me again and disappeared down subway tunnel. About 5 mins later, I got a long text message from her saying that I wasn’t what she expected and wished me luck on finding somebody.

      So let’s review – I traveled 5,424 miles, spend up to about $1,300 in transportation cost at this point and this is the result?

      I got more but those are two shinning examples,

      • erik sweum

        I wondered why she had 3 flatscreens in her house…1 in the basement. ..1 in her bedroom and 1 in her living room…found out her dad was paying for everything, even her bills…but the daughter has a rinky dink tv in her bedroom

        • https://www.facebook.com/dj4money Anthony Thomas

          Well most of these women treat their children like second class citizens or inconveniences to their dating lives, they shouldn’t had them in the first place if that was SO important.

          Not shocked the kids have the rinky-dink tv and she has the flat screens everywhere.

          Her dad pays for it all? Spoiled Rotten

          • erik sweum

            Yes…dad pays pays water…cable…house phone and cell phone…i met her through my sister and her friends. ..i deleted and blocked her from facebook….then a few months later deletes my sister from her Facebook. ..did i mention she dumped me by text message

          • Single MOM

            Wow that really sucks guys I couldn’t even imagine being stranded like that Anthony I didn’t even like being away at college in a state I didn’t know let alone to travel for some who doesn’t even have the courage to tell you the truth to your face. I hope that never happens to either of you again.

          • erik sweum

            Anthony, did I mention that she’s 39yrs old

          • Trac

            Oh some men can be just as bad, my own brother I am sad to say is also 39yrs old and moved back in with Mommy after his relationship failed, he has a 9yr old daughter who I love to pieces but he sleeps on moms couch, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t buy food or pay bills all this despite having a full time job.

          • erik sweum

            Wow!!!…her father offered to move her and her daughter to florida…she says to my sister “i want a job or drive, i have to take care of my daughter”…my sister just shook her head in disbelief

  • http://None Vw

    Do not date a single mom specially if she has been married 2 times . If she has a younger kid boy or girl at home and there spoiled shit bags run . Your nothing more then a live in price of ass and your wallet is a ATM machine .. Really there’re al the same most of them have mental issues and just plan to see how long you will put up with there shit before you bounce out .. It’s part of there game .. These bitches need to get real and get a job

    • Erik

      My ex has 10yr old daughter. ..has 3 flatscreens…one in the basement. .one in the living room and one her bedroom. ..daughter has rinky dink tv in her room…her dad pays most of the bills…

  • K

    I would just like to say whoever wrote this article is a complete asshole and I wish your punk ass was sitting right in front of me bc I would beat the living shit out of you idiot. Was obviously written by a man only a man could be such a fucking dumbass.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      No, I’m a woman, and I invite you to bring it Julie. Wear armor you little bitch. And bring some bandages. You’ll need them.

      • Trac

        On another note I am curious judgybitch where do you stand on the single mothers who have chosen to give a better life to a child through adoption? In these days you don’t need a significant other to adopt so are they just as low as the rest of the single mothers you have self appointed yourself to be the judge and jury to?

      • JimBob

        Go JB!

        Actually, I love the anger from some commenters – seems you’re hitting close to the bone on some issues!

        No one likes to be called out on their BS – us guys too. But thank you for calling out the BS of (some) women.

    • Trac

      Just take from the article and the author what you will, she is a self proclaimed judgemental bitch, as much as I hate to admit it we live in a free country in which everyone is entitled to their own opinion. So therefore bitches can say whatever they want and we aren’t lawfully allowed to shut them up, but we can ignore them and choose to surround ourselves with people who are more open minded. Thankfully there are blogs such as this one which show us what kind of people they really are. I guess what I am really trying to say is if you ever want to keep judgemental asses and bitches away raise a kid by yourself and they won’t want to come near you 😉

    • Dave

      K does not address any of the extremely valid points made. Instead she tries to use shaming language. She clearly hates men and blames all men for something that a woman wrote.

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  • JJ

    I have no stability in my life right now, yet a single mom has thrown very obvious hints of interest. As horny as I am, my inner alarm is telling me to steer clear. I was once involved in a friends with benefits relationship with a single mom. Eventually, she introduced her kids to me and that’s when I freaked out. I felt weird and guilty that I was screwing their mom. Told her that it was time to call this little fling quits. We never saw each other after that.

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  • http://adellepatricia.wordpress.com adellesy

    Thankyou

  • Crystal

    I have been in three diffrent relationships and I always thought I could help the guy I was getting with. I did have kids with these men. Big mistake. I hope every man reads your comments and listens to your advice. Stay clear is what men need to do! If I may say this should be ALL women kids or no. Good luck JB.

  • J McB

    “Children of single mothers do poorly on every imaginable scale: they have more emotional problems, experience more stress, are more likely to grow up poor, they have lower educational achievements and experience way more behavioral problems than children who grow up with married parents. Depression, suicide, drug abuse, jail and psychiatric medications are all more common in populations of children raised by single mothers.”

    I’ll vouch for that. Apart from jail time and suicide I am, was, all of those things. I was raised by a single mother and occasionally my grandmother (who went the extra mile of instilling sense of shame just for being male…girls are better behaved, men start wars, blah blah). Even thinking back to 2 year relationship I had with a single mother and her son reflects this.

    The mind fuck is the day those women, after cutting off your parts and thwarting your spirit, then tell you to be stronger than women.

    So yeah….best to stay away.

    • pintdote

      I think having a single mother affected me in similar ways, but it would have been much worse had I been born a boy. I guarantee I would have turned out to be a sociopath or convict.

      My saving grace was that I could withdraw and be quiet and sensitive whereas a boy who coped similarly would likely have been accused of being feminine and unacceptable. Plus, while paternal absence fucks up future relationships for girls, outcomes seem far worse for boys who grow up without fathers. I feel for them.

      • Dave

        The empirical evidence supports what you are saying. Children who don’t have their biological father actively involved in their lives are at dramatically higher risk of a whole host of negative outcomes. Girls tend to have self esteem issues and boys tend to have anti social issues. Boys are likely to end up with criminal convictions and girls are likely to end up single mothers themselves, thus repeating the whole cycle. There are about 15 different negative outcomes but this is a quick summary for a blog post.
        What is criminal in my view is that it is not politically correct to even discuss what excluding biological fathers has done to half of an entire generation of children. That politically correct censorship is unforgivable.

      • J McB

        Appreciated. I can relate to withdrawing. I lived in rural area and much of my time was either drawing comics in my room (I was banned from that eventually) or taking day walks up into the hills with my dog and finding a spot to read my fantasy novels.

        The other side of is that I didn’t know how to bond with men because I was taught male interests are bad. As a natural result I didn’t know how to talk to women (more importantly pick ones that had some resemblance of ethical virtue).

  • Lars von Trier

    You are an ignorant waste of oxygen. Gross.

  • http://gravatar.com/thedeti deti

    Single moms:

    No offense, but even if you are the most responsible, kindest, most domestic, most loving, and most attractive woman in the world, you’re still a bad bet for marriage.

    You have a child by another man who is still living. That man will be in your life for the next two decades or more.

    Your life is most likely a financial mess. You have financial obligations you struggle to meet.

    You have a track record of making poor decisions. You had unprotected sex, you got pregnant by a man you probably weren’t married to. You didn’t vet your sex partner well for character or stability. This probably isn’t the first time you’ve had unprotected sex. You don’t vet any of your sex partners well. If you can’t be trusted to make good decisions with your body, why should a man trust you with his money or HIS children?

  • Jack Strawb

    “Third, single mothers profoundly misunderstand men. There are few men who are overjoyed to spend their blood, sweat and tears on some other guy’s genetic offspring.”
    .
    I was amused to see that the recent Pew Research poll included without comment single moms and obese women in concluding there were only 91 marriageable men to 100 marriageable women, all in the 25 to 34 age range. I can recall exactly one guy I knew of a great many in that age range who considered a woman in with a child either a very unlikely candidate, or completely unacceptable. Single men without children much prefer a clean… slate.

  • JL

    In my experience its tough being a single guy with no kids dating a single mom. Divorced or otherwise. Its better to get a woman with no kids. she has more time for you and is more carefree. Making a relationship happen is hard enough work without having some other guys child in the mix. Its great if you don’t mind always being number 3. This guy is very right about divorcees. Always look for the flaw! I dated a divorcee for a little while who was a professional victim. Her husband was so controlling and cruel wah wah. Don’t buy it! This girl ended up with the victim card when we broke up and i was made out to be the bad guy real quick. Saw her true colors. Listen to the author here fellas its not worth it most of the time. If you don’t have kids why settle for a woman who does? If you ask me we deserve better!

  • pintdote

    I agree with this so much, it almost hurts. Single mothers have no business dating.

    Children are already reeling from their parents’ dysfunction, and THEY need that extra attention mom is giving to xyz men. You can never say this to anybody without having them jump down your throat and talk about “moms deserve happiness too.” Their delusional desires to feel sexy and not like a mother somehow take precedence over their children’s psychological well-being.

    Have fun with your damn children. Feel good about yourself through your children. You know, the little humans you hurled into this world who’ve had their formative years rocked by your poor choices, which one way or another culminated in the destruction of the only foundation they will ever have for family. I think they need your Saturday nights more than a random guy, sorry.

    My mom was a single mother, and I forgive her for being selfish and confused. I love a few other women who happen to be single moms, I really do. They’re not bad people as a whole, but they disadvantage their children because they were raised with the mentality that their needs and their wants reign supreme.

    • stupidcow

      You said it right.

      She needs to spend time with her kids she brought into the world for “her own happiness” And again now, she is looking for men to cater to her needs and happiness.

      These are the self-centred women who paint the innocent, sweet pictures of themselves.
      Guys, why can’t you see this simple truth?

  • Eric

    Oh my GOD!!!! I wish I would have read this almost a year ago . DAMN. I came across a wonderful little number :(:(:(:(:( I will post the story later.

  • Ric

    “When you meet a divorced single mother, immediately start looking for the flaw. It’s something big. Something that drove another man to pledge his undying love to her, to have and to hold, from this day forth, and then sometime later decide “fuck this shit. I’m outta here”.” lmfao!!!

    • Eric

      Guys ! Needing some support here. I am a single father of one little girl for starters, I spent three and a half years alone getting my life in order after my divorce so I figured it was time to date , I found a woman in Ohio on POF, I am from Michigan . Things were ok for awhile then her crazy started to appear, one night about almost a year ago she freaked on me , we had a few cocktails and I must have said go slow , she took it the wrong way but I was just teasing her anyway she stormed around my house in tears and kinda yelling what do you mean go slow , mind you we only have been together for two months at this point , anyway I told her to get the F out of my house , she did and then came back telling me she couldn’t find her cell my big mistake was letting her back in the house to look for it , it ended up being in her coat pocket. Anyway she cried more I calmed her down then we had sex , she said she felt as though I was telling her the relationship was going to fast and that’s why she had a tantrum. I let her stay because it was late and I figured what the hell we all have baggage maybe I was being to hasty , she has a 12 year old son and my girl is six , my gut told me she was moving way to fast because when she was jumping up and down on my bed she screamed if I didn’t care for you I would have stayed in Ohio or found someone thae . I broke up with her the next Monday, it didn’t stay that way though for long we got back together off and on because I think we were both tiered of being alone so it ended up being an emotional roller coaster that just ended three weeks ag

      • Eric

        Ago due to her having a panic attack freak out, she thought I was going to kick her out again had another tantrum and she broke it off saying shit like your invalidateing my feelings you don’t understand , I don’t feel safe in your house I did everything I could to reassure her things were fine and comfort her but it was like she was in a trans , it was Scarry . she told me I argue just like her ex and that I am passive aggressive like him , bottom line I tried to comfort her and she didn’t want me to. She is 34 with a masters degree , lives with her parents that she says don’t really show love to her and never have, her mom agording to her mad her feel worthless her whole life also .Her son also live with them during school week then goes to the Biological father three weekends a month , which the mother never married! She was married to a man that she claims verbuly was abusive and passive aggressive and also claims he raped her and or would only initiate sex while she was sleeping . she has passed on sub jobs at schools, turned down job offers from friends , but tells me she needs to get her and her son out of her parents house because its not a healthy invionment for her or him ??? She allows the ex husband around the boy to help pay for birthday and other things but claims he is abusive? And a raped her?? More and more started to surface as time went on and I am ashamed I let it continue for so long, I told her thank God I never introduced my daughter to you or your son , you are not fit to be around her . And she is supposed to have a masters in Guidance Counseling??? Oh my God shame on me .

        • Eric

          That winter night I told her , maybe I am not the guy for you and she sobbed saying noooooo the sex is so good . She turns jobs down saying they are below her standard because she has a masters degree! I told her you rely heavily on men and people , she said God keeps me at my parents and he is punishing me ! I told her get up off your ass and get a job stop playing victim and Kitty party . She also relies on astrology . Oh my God I am so ashamed of my self , so finally I told her no piece of ass is worth all this shit . she basiclly home up with me because I didn’t seem to understand why she was so upset that winter night and that I was invalidating her feelings ? Who drive almost three hours arrive at midnight just to freak out the next morning , now mind you we went straight to bed when she came to my house and she said she didn’t feel good and mentioned that night so I sad your safe its ok , next morning all hell broke loose . she was shaking and moaning in my bed and almost vomited ! What the hell , I am so screwed up from all of this Guys and Gals :(

          • Jack Strawb

            Wow. Not much to say beyond ‘keep your distance.’ No sex, no conversation, nothing. It’s over. Do you want to end up dealing with a pregnancy or a child with this woman? Do you want a false rape accusation if the two of you have sex and she finds herself swimming in regrets and confusion?

            Stay away, and heal. Take care of yourself.

          • eric

            Thank you , she also mentioned suicide at least three times . I found her mom and told her all of this and she didn’t know I even existed , none of her family knew about me so apparently I was a secret too , her mother didn’t sound co concerned or surprised at all either . I contacted her friends and told them she mentioned suicide and not one of them replied ?

          • Kyle McKenna

            Granted I’m late to this party but I hope you followed the advice and got far away. Jesus dude, have you never heard about not sticking your dick in crazy??? She’s saying she “doesn’t feel safe”…have you never heard of that? It’s what they say to the cops when they want you thrown out of your own house. Are you totally new to women? You’re angling to spend 20 years in the state pen on a rape hoax.

      • Daniel

        It sounds like a borderline to me. Get out of that relationship asap or YOU and your life will be destroyed. Dont take her back. Forget she has ever existed. your sanity is at stake here. Dont think you can control her or help her to resolve her problems.

        • Eric

          Yes Borderline personality disorder and pathological lier. I found out from her county that she or her husband ever filled for a legal separation or Divorce ( public records don’t lie ) I wish I would have thought to investigate sooner , I could have saved my self alot of B.S . And yes she is out of my life . What a shity experience. This woman played the victim role real well too, I you ever feal something is wrong , that’s your gut/ intuition trying to save your ass from misery and it’s my fault for not listening to myself . Shit.

          • Eric

            They never filled , she said legally separated for four years ! Lies upon lies . For what purpose ? To hurt and deceive people ? This single mother is emotionally stunted and damaged beyond repair , no little pill can fix her . I am fortunate we are two states away and not close , She would absolutely destroy any mans life , sanity ) These type of woman will make you an emotional slave and try to control , manipulate you to follow there skript , Sounds like fun healthy life huh !?!? Some people thrive off drama and hurting people I guess . Is it really this difficult to find a sweet person to share your life with and just have fun ?!?! Really ?!?! Pardon my crudeness , but this chic was nothing more than a cum dumpster a place to make a deposit ! In hind sight I guess I could of just paid a whore everyother week , would have been cheaper hate to say it . Sad but very true :/

        • Eric

          I have been out of this nightmare for four months. Man thank you for your comment I really appreciated it. Yes no matter what I did, if I made a mistake and corrected it she would except it for awhile leading me to believe it was done and we moved on but later months later would bring it back up. It’s taking me some time now to heal from this , she was hypersensitive about everything and then I was accused of being the defensive one? Horrible experience and not fun at all , I found out she is also a pathological lier , she said her divorce was filed last September ! Never happened , she is using her husband for money and living separate from him, never a legal separation or divorce , Fuck :(

  • HappyAndIKnowIt

    Single mothers are clearly really, really bad at making life decisions…….. Not true.

    I am a single mom. I couldn’t think of anything better than being a mother to my child.

    The father of my child was my childhood love and first kiss when I was 15. Fast forward 6 years and one night we made the decision to have sex for the first time. You guessed it.. I got pregnant. No, we were never officially “together” but that does not change the fact that I loved that man and he loved me.

    Your probably wondering why I am speaking in past tense, well, 10 days after we… you know.. he was killed. I did not know at his time of death that I was pregnant, we used protection. I was devastated, just lost the man I loved, my best friend. Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Before anyone has something smart to say, I had my period, started it 2 days after he died. The day I took a pregnancy test I would have only been one day late, based on my cycle :)

    Can you imagine… Knowing your baby will never to get know the best dad and man they could ask for? Knowing you would always, no matter what, be a single mom?

    I would ask what your thoughts on my decision are.. Am I considered someone who puts my own happiness in front of my child’s? Should I have gotten an abortion? Should all men steer clear of me cause I am a shitty excuse of a person because I am a single mom? But… I’m not asking that. I know I am a good mother, person, professional and I also know my best friend upstairs is proud of the life I have created for our child.

    I wouldn’t wish for anyone to have to go through what me and mine have been through but I wouldn’t change having my miracle of a child for one second.

    For the record, I am a Christian and I believe in marriage. My parents have been married for 31 years.

    *i am not saying women can’t be crazy… Cause lord knows they can be*

    But think about me next time you are labeling women.. I am not technically a widow but from reading this article I would be “classified” as a single, no good, money hungry, slut of a mom.

    But really…. I want to apologize to you. You must have had one messed up life for your outlook to be this negative. Bless you heart.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      You are a widow and I clearly exempted widows from the “single mom” label.

      And I am very sorry for your loss.

    • jay

      Not to be rude but the poster was not talking about women like you so your comment really was not needed. You were in a meaningful relationship and I am truly sorry for your loss.

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  • BB753

    Abortion as the first choice? What’s wrong about giving the child up for adoption?

    • Just Me

      Well in order to get Title 19, WIC, ADC, Food stamps. Lowered rent and free college the unwed mother can’t put her child up for adoption. And it’s better to have a woman who is likely to leave her newborn baby in a dumpster or shake it to death have an abortion before the baby’s brain starts to develop. .while it’s still a mass of cells: the first 8 weeks of pregnancy)
      You cannot force a woman to take care of a baby. I should know. .I was born to a woman like that.
      And you can’t force a woman to give up her free welfare money.
      The fetal factory needs to be shut down. (Sterilization) after the first baby with no father comes along and the gravy train needs to stop coming after baby is 18 and/ or graduates high school and mommy needs a job once baby starts kindergarten.
      I’ve worked my ass off at a job since high school. I’ve never been on welfare. I am sick and tired of supporting these lazy cows!

  • Carli

    All of this is a little disheartening; however some is true. My suggestion for anyone looking to become involved in any kind of relationship, don’t lump people into categories and automatically assume things. You could end up missing out.

    It’s been my experience that all women are crazy to some degree. We are emotional creatures and think with our hearts. Some just might be off the scale crazy, will key your car, stalk you and have emotional breakdowns that would even scare Charles Manson. Stay clear of those ladies..

    Don’t assume all single or divorcees are broke. Some of us have really good jobs, a budget, goals and a plan. Don’t be afraid to ask those hard questions. It can tell you a lot about a person.

    I agree with not getting involved with the kids until you know where everything is going.

    Many of you guys have some bad experiences and a lot of single mom bashing. Some people just don’t click, no matter how much both try. No matter who’s right or wrong. If you go into it with negative thinking, then you’ll have a negative experience. If you can’t keep an open mind, then don’t even attempt. You’ll be wasting your time and her time.

    The life of a woman is a balancing act, whether it’s your kids, her kids or both of your kids.. A good woman is going to bend and flex to make sure everyone has what they need – time, attention, a meal, a roof over their heads, affection, laughs and what she can with the wants. Morals of our society has been a little skewed, but if you know what you’re looking for, you can find it.

    Good luck to you all and finding what makes your world complete!

    • david

      The problem here is that men have always and always will get the blame for a failed marriage. Marriage is nothing but legal slavery for any man out there. Its not worth it, and not only is it not worth it there clearly are no incentives for any man to marry anymore. The statistics are clearly against him. If you are a man who likes gambling then get married because thats what it is. It doesnt matter if a woman has a career or not because most women are like chameleons they change based on there emotional states all the time. It has an effect on what they want and need and this changes . Well with these changes comes the problem society and culture has changed . Women have put themselves in the situation where they are today, they did it to themselves. You are going to see false rape cases going up. you are going to see alot more unhappy women out there than ever before, simply because women and most of them donot have there own mental ability to be happy with themselves and to be honest with themselves. Most women marry for one thing and one thing only security. When a woman works and the man works when the divorce comes which most of the time it does. What she has worked for in her mind all of it is hers, but what he has worked for is half hers. They say they wanted equality, but this is not equal. Today women are earning a substantial amount of money and are capable of it also. And when they have to give up or pay spousal support or alimony which there is a growing number of this happening guess who is complaining. Women have it in there minds that someone owes them, no matter what. Ive seen it time and time again. When the laws change and everyone is on an equal footing and I do mean equal footing and women stop using the golden uterus to get what they want and develop some self respect you will see marriage get to what it is supposed to be, but until then HAPPY NO MARRAIGE.

      • Dave

        David is exactly correct. Marriage is loose loose loose for men especially with a western woman. It’s a ticking time bomb with a solo mother.
        Until the laws change drastically men should avoid marriage if they want a long happy prosperous life.

        • Trac

          Then please do all of us women, single moms and just single, a favor and move to the eastern world so you don’t have to deal with us western women.

          • david

            In speaking in real terms not all women are bad and like this. The ones that are like this are generally not truthful. No man from here needs to move anywhere from where they are living now because we are not the ones complaining about the situation. And the real situation is the only real reason that a man needs a woman today is to have a child. Outside of that she is not needed, so donot go and fool yourself into thinking otherwise And as TRAC says ” dealing with us western women” Dealing with anything is simply a choice . No man anywhere is forced to have anything to do with a woman, its his choice just like marriage is a choice. I invite anyone to give any real positives as to why a man should marry a woman today. And likewise list the positives as to why a woman should get married today. lets see which one out weighs the other. At the event of a couple divorcing today and in the past if a woman becomes unhappy in her marriage its always looked to the husband as the one to blame for her unhappiness. In other words its his fault that she isnt happy. Generally who has to pay for the divorce and her unhappiness . of course he does. Now lets look at this from his perspective what if he is not happy in the marriage and decides to leave kids or no kids. He is looked at like a jerk, scoundrel, and looked down upon. Its still his fault and guess what he has to pay for it. How could he have done this to his family. Well frankly , Ive researched studied psychology and all of us have or known someone who has gone through the US family law system, and I have to tell you its one big joke. Its solely up to the men to change things. Realize what is really going on . Take your family jewels back and own them. Do not get married at all. Its not just here this is happening . Other countries are worried about it its so bad. Choose to live happy and avoid the stress.

          • dee

            Here is a big positive for getting married. Research proves married men live longer than unmarried men.Also it does take two to tango as said in the article. Men and women both have problems. The real goal of a sucessful marrige should be to continue improving your and your partners life. It should be a healthy relationship. Rather than giving up completely people need to learn and teach what a healthy relationship is.

          • david

            Actually Ive heard that statement too. But in todays society a single man is better off health wise staying single. More and more men are realizing a much better life for themselves also. Its a growing number and more power to them. Narcissism is a huge reason why and thats not the only disorder. Just like the Kardashian’s . They treat this woman like she is royalty. Who gives a crap . She is one of the biggest HPD . NPD attention grabbing sluts in the media. They even have a KIm Kardashian club recruiting young girls. Im sorry but its sad. In general peoples morals have flown out the window. There are no clear cut boundaries any more. The young women today do not realize they are ruining their chances at finding a decent young man , because guess what a decent young man is not going to marry a slut. All sluts are about one thing and one thing only . Attention grabbing for validation of the poor self esteem. All of their self esteem is based on only what they look like. There are huge numbers of people running from christianity and the bible and studying wicca, witchcraft, and paganism. I myself have determined that their own “belief” is what a personality is any way and it will not allow them to fit in with any christian religion. When you learn what paganism is its simply worshipping gods other than what christianity is used to. Many of these people have personality disorders that they have to live with from childhood abuse and they cannot change and are not accepted by any christian religion. They feel left out and basically are joining a cult. They go so far as having what they call open sexual rituals or free sex. You wouldnt even know it but it could be your neighbor.

          • Nikolae Krakovsky

            What’s this garbage you’re bringing up about paganism? Not all pagans are sex maniacs, man. Where did this even come from? I bet more so-called Christians engage in shit like swinging than pagans. Otherwise, you’re on the right track but it makes me mad when people misjudge the most peaceful movement in religion today. I don’t see pagans blowing up abortion clinics, protesting at funerals or flying planes into buildings.

          • david

            In my comment I said “there are huge numbers of people running and worshipping with the pagan religion.” I never said these people were bad people. i know alot of them. I also know alot of them have open marriages and that in itself is not approved by any christian religion. It makes them spiritually feel bad . What I do know and have seen is that Ive heard some pagans make comments and say “those damned christians” To each his own i guess.

          • paulvzo

            Oh, the stories I could tell about “good Christian” women! Sunday school teachers, a virgin, no inhibitions.

            One woman who I spent a couple of years with was one of the very best lovers I ever had. She didn’t like to talk about sex, or appreciate sexual jokes or innuendos, but when it came to what matters, the very best.

            I still fantasize about Carol!

          • a Man

            Why should the men have to move because they don’t want to marry women?! If you women have a problem with men choosing not to marry then you remove yourselves.

          • Trac

            That comment wasn’t aimed at men in general, it was aimed at the ones that think “western world women” are below their standards because the want nice little obedient women instead, don’t get your panties in a bunch

        • david

          I have watched judgybitches videos and I have to agree with her. She speaks the truth and the truth hurts. Its sad she was banned from twitter a few times because someone accused her of being abusive. Some people cannot handle the truth about themselves.

          • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

            I’m back now. Original account restored because truth is not abuse no matter how much it hurts @judgybitch1

          • david

            I must say you know your shit!!!!!! Amen.

    • http://www.facebook.com/1167881028 Terrence S M Popp

      Single moms are by far the most selfish ignorant idiots on the planet closly followed by divorced moms. as a dude I can count on my hand the number of friends who remarried or married single moms of divorced moms. Most I know just leave em on the lot were they found them right in section 8 housing BOOM BEER ME REDONKULAS.COM

  • Dave

    According to Trac men are entitled if they discuss the likely consequences of having a relationship with certain types of women and choose to avoid such extreme risks.
    Note how she words her concerns. She talks about messing with women’s feelings. This is key. If a western woman feels that you are responsible for her negative feelings then in her mind that justifies all and any revenge.
    Trac also claims there are many fish in the sea.
    Western Men have countless ooptions from all over the world. Western women have a limited time to catch the best man they can and they are competing for a gradually shrinking pool. Party because men don’t want them. Men particularly are avoiding western single mothers. These women are definitely competing for an ever shrinking pool of men.

  • Single mum

    Wow, judgybitch there were some massive assumptions in that post (many are possibly true often enough). I had a 10 year relationship with a loving man who did not believe in marriage (and was not religious). We share two beautiful children who are raised well by both of us (but yes not together). I work full time and own my house outright (no mortgage) and have plenty of money for holidays and extra education for my kids, piano lessons ect. I am a doctor, a research fellow. My ex-partner and I split because his pot smoking eventually caused a rift in our relationship, and I felt the kids were getting too old to be exposed to that daily. But I was the financially secure one. I’m also emotionally secure and my kids are fine and happy. So a lot of the points you made I could not relate to. The only one was that the new boyfriend / eventual husband would always be around another mans children and possibly their dad. That’s hard to navigate. A friend at work has moved in with a man who has his kids 50% of the time and that’s hard enough, but it would be challenging to say the least to have someone else’s children around always. I just don’t understand why you think it’s the women who are the financially or emotionally needy ones when relationships break down.

    • Just Me

      For me, and I can’t speak for everyone here, it isn’t women like you we are bitching about.
      Your only mistakes I see is that you knew this guy wouldn’t marry you but yet you chose to have kids with him.
      And knowing about his pot habit. Yet going forward with procreating with him. You can’t unring the bell but imagine having those great happy kids with a stable hard working non pot smoking husband so you didn’t have to do it all.
      Please don’t introduce the guy to your kids until you know he’s a keeper. Kids get attached and when relationships end it really hurts the kids.
      Your guy you had kids with was the bum deal and should have manned up and quit the dope and married you after baby one.
      You should have known before you thought of baby two that he had not changed and waited to have a second child with a man who would marry you and not do drugs…
      I commend you for being financially successful. Not having others take care of you and your kids. Financially you’re doing fantastic and I hope the perfect husband and step dad comes around for you and your kids.
      Here’s the kind of woman Im bitching about. ..
      She never has had a job or never lasted at any she did have so
      She has babies to get the government to pay all her bills. Ie: A monthly check. Low income housing. Food stamps. Title 19/ Medicaid. ADC. WIC. Free college. Etc. Etc. Etc. That tax payers put money WE WORK FOR to let these women lounge around at home watching tv. Smoking her cigarettes. Playing her video games or trolling the internet looking for more guys to knock her up.
      These are what I call sows.
      They have baby after baby.
      Several last names in one household
      Their kids aren’t disciplined. She doesn’t care about them they’re just her welfare tickets. You hear these kids screaming at Wal-Mart like banshees.
      These women have loaded carts at stores with ill mannered kids.
      Mommy’s usually disheveled looking with her numerous expensive tattoos showing that women without jobs cannot afford yet…
      And we.Even you Doctor are paying for!!
      And these women keep having kids abd teach their daughters how to do the same thing. They think it’s normal so the bar is set very very low for them.
      I lived in Lovington NM briefly and over half the town is what I described.
      The kids can’t read or write.
      Need dental care.
      No direction for life at all.
      The moms are on welfare. Strung out on drugs.And there’s no end to it.
      They’re abusing the system.
      I don’t agree with all that’s said here. The anti marriage people for example. I do believe in prenup though. But my birch is the women who ride on the coat tails of workers. And how the government is taking assistance away from veterans and elderly so we can take care of Princess Sow and her brood.

      • Taylor

        I’m impressed to find an article like this on JB! Ace!

        I replied to your comment Just Me because I actually landed a girl who was practically everything you described. I met a single mom who was burning the candle at both ends, trying to secure a degree in public health while raising a young daughter.

        When she moved in with me the whole story changed. She couldnt go back to school because she owed $110,000 in student debt, but had no functioning degree at all.

        One health problem after another. Bad teeth. Kid couldn’t read. Ended up on disability, wanted more kids because it would increase her payments.

        Kid had practically no discipline at all, it was like pulling teeth to get the kid to bed on time and she’d just stay up until the wee hours of the night. She wouldn’t feed her kid a proper lunch unless someone was watching. Cooked out of a box most of the time.

        Never cleaned the house, managed to mess it up but complained of the pain from her health problems made it too painful to clean it up. It was bad. Like 4 days of the kids breakfast dishes side by side on the kitchen table. I’d have to run the dishwasher three times in a row to catch up on dishes. I measured the clean laundry that needed to be put away in cubic yards (usually about 8). And she never worked a day when she was with me. Bad. quarter million fruit flies in my house bad – and I never had a fruit fly problem before in my life save for a couple when I had an old banana on the counter.

        How did she end up with this kid? She met a guy online in a forum, flew to Australia to be with him, got knocked up right away and he wouldn’t sign her immigration papers and she got deported, I could see why after living with her for three months.

        Why did I ever let her move in with me? She said that the birth control pills “failed”. She had a big problem with abortions. Eventually she did get one because it was just too much to suddenly be thrust into parenthood with a girl I’d known for a few months, but it took an awful lot of tender convincing.

        Then there was the little girl. A sweet, if undisciplined little girl, just like JB says, the kid wanted a daddy so bad. It was hard to break up with her because I would be letting down the kid. I had the guilty thought when she went into surgery, that I secretly hoped she would die of a complication, because that kid was so well behaved with mom not around that I could see how being a parent could be fun and rewarding again.

        My friend when we were in the final stages and about to break up, actually, heard her saying to her sister on the phone, that she could get pregnant pretty easy and then she’d get more money from the government, she said it was as easy as going to a bar and finding a “donor”.

        And as JB states, these women do not really give a damn about their kids. I strived to make the breakup as easy as possible because I was literally the only dad this kid had ever known in her life, and I was happy to continue in that role, even if we were broken up. Once she found a new guy she cut me out of that kids life and probably trash talked me to the extreme. I taught this little girl how to read, how to bank, gave her structure in her life, took her camping. There was a small box of the kids stuff left behind, private things like counselling files and some special stuffed animals. I tried contacting the woman to get the box to her, she wouldn’t even answer my facebook messages.

        I dont deny that there are some single or divorced mothers who are perfectly dateable. But like JB states, you need to look very, very carefully at the situation as to how this woman came to be single while having children.

        I know a single mom that I would date. She is divorced and the guy was physically abusive. She stayed with him for 14 years and tried to stay loyal and get him to get help and eventually gave up. She works her ass off and got an early childhood education certification mostly so she could raise her children better. She makes sure she always has 6 months worth of food in the house in case she comes across hard times.

        Keep sharp

    • kevin

      well the issue here is that had it been the other way round…i.e. he had the job, house etc. then you could have taken everything off him through the biased courts system. He would have been left with nothing. How would you have felt losing your kids, house, assets and having to pay a good chunk of your salary on child maintenance? This is a very real issue that man men face each day. As it stands you got the kids and kept your house, assets and money. Marriage, kids etc. are just very, very risky for would be fathers these days.

  • booboo

    Damn, this article is as real as it gets. It’s a shame we feel the need to be “politically correct” in this country, because frankly, the author speaks the truth in regards to single mothers. While single mothers do have the ability to better themselves and the lives of their children, most often than not they ARE more susceptible to making poor life decisions, as harsh as it sounds. Single mothers have poor judgement when it comes to choosing partners, friends, jobs, colleges, etc. They also are more impulsive and act on primitive instinct, rather than plan ahead and set goals. Ever notice how within two years after having a baby most of them tend to have another one? With a different father, whom they barely know? Smart, eh?

  • Simon

    I like the equality this site represents, no one fights for men but they expect us to fight for everyone else. I do not entirely agree with this post, but coming from a single mother and suffering the “Cinderella effect” it is unfair to believe that all children coming from this background will be messed up. A lot of them are, but same with traditional parented families.

    The problem is as much ours as the females, it takes 2 members of the opposite sex to make a baby. So it was not 100% her doing that got her a baby, we all have problems and a lot of men are too immature and inexperienced emotionally to communicate their perceived problem with their partner, so they bail, leaving the mother who is hardwired to protect her offspring. In nature men are especially ruthless, and commonly eat their own offspring. Men have to take responsibility for our actions, we made that single mother, just to experience a few moments of sexual bliss.

    Men just have it lucky that we don’t have babies inside us.

    • Eric

      Their are unfortunately a lot of emotionally stunted men and woman , people go in I would hope to believe with good intention, some with hidden agenda’s planted in the back of there undeveloped mind’s . I just came out of a relationship with a woman that played with my emotions and there is only one person to blame !( Me) because I allowed it to happen. It takes two to play and when you play , you get burned or you move forward as a strong couple / team unit, at least that is what we have as our vision , plan . Life is one gigantic roll of the dice , I rolled the dice and lost , she lost , no one Win’s this time . I lived hard and siezed the day for all it was worth with her and as much heartache and my heart surely breaks , I LIVED !!! Took the chance kidos . I said things I can’t take back as well as she , I make mistakes because I am human it’s what I take away from the lesson is the key , I can share with you my friends this , I miss her dearly and know I was in it to win it , My story personally is tragic because of the potential I saw with her and us as a team and at the end of the day that’s what it takes to play A Team ! And I was all in unfortunately for me her issues out weighed the positive outcome HOPE!!! Damn.

      • Eric

        Some times the hell your used to , is the hell you chose to live in. (Comfortable) No matter what you try to do or say , its not enough. No matter how much the other person says they hate the place they are in , people make choices and place themselves in the hell there used to. Unbareable heartbreak: (

        • Myexstinks

          I agree with this. I was nothing but gold to my ex and her daughter. She treated me like dirt and she had been around the block more then once and she doesn’t even really know who the daddy is. Her daughter loved me and cried when her mom left me. Plus her family still loves me. My ex is the only one to hate me

          • david

            Sounds to me like you married a woman doomed for failure from the onset and not knowing it hoping youll do nice things for her treat her right in your thinking itll change her for the good, but it never does. No one can stop their behavior like this except themselves or they ever hit rock bottom and get tired of their own behavior. Most women like this just keep on searching for another victim.

  • Lauren

    I’m so sorry the general population has to deal with “someone like me” now, the product of a single mom… I don’t do drugs, I work two jobs, and go to school. I have done disaster response work, and volunteer helping kids every year. Man, I guess my mom should have just aborted me so I wouldn’t have ended up so fucked up. Not saying the article is completely wrong but there are other perspectives to think of here.

    • Dev

      Dude – Dont take it personally, but a lot of single mom kids have issues, which is natural since they are denied the love and care of 2 parents. The point of the article is highlight the irresponsibility of single moms in general,though few of them are sensible.

  • Meh

    Dammit I really shouldn’t have read this article… My divorce is on it’s way and I don’t even want to date a guy who has kids, no idea how that’s going to work after reading this article. It sounds like divorced women scare the hell out of men!!! I’m not desperate so I guess that’s in my favor but come on – even divorced women have needs that parenting doesn’t satisfy! I’m 31, 3 kids and about to graduate medicine. I own property and have enough balls and ambition I don’t need a man for much at all. On the whole I’m happy and balanced (as much as any woman can be). I get hit on constantly and I’ve dated a younger guy that even wanted marriage… My choice not to go further. Is it really that scary for a decent guy to date someone in my position?! I’m not the kind to settle for a loser so I guess kids, career and BOB for me now. Thanks for killing the hope before I even started dating…. -____-

    • Just Me

      Well Meh I don’t feel like divorcees are bad people. Hey you tried. You got married and had kids. It didn’t work out with the guy. There’s nothing wrong with you.
      My only bitch is women who DON’T marry. The ones who open the fetal factory for a career choice. The ones who have baby after baby with a different sperm donor so you get multiple last names in one house hold. The women who live off the state and don’t rear their kids. You hear the offspring screaming at Wal-Mart. Mom usually has a loaded shopping cart and sports tattoos but can’t afford milk cereal cheese peanut butter or juice so working people pay for it with taxes. People like you and me support these bimbos. Meh I think you’re doing fine. You will be ok. I respect you. And I hope you and your kids will have prosperous peaceful happy lives. You’re not what I categorize as an unwed mother. You’re a divorcee. Big difference.
      And I’ve seen posts from the children of unwed mothers here. It’s not your fault either. And no. Abortions aren’t the answer. The woman should insist on reliable birth control before a baby is the result or its very selfish to the resulting child. Insist the man wear a rubber or tell him no. It’s just dumb to have full on sex all the way with no birth control unless you’re married and can afford a baby. Men are guilty here because they say bareback sex feels so much better. Guys use a rubber or don’t whine and bitch when you’ve made a baby. You’re just as guilty so be responsible for your part in procreation. Support your child! Because I don’t want to!
      If anyone wants my description of an unwed mother again feel free to ask. Divorcees and widows are NOT unwed mothers……

      • http://kaylalonkard.wordpress.com khorsebabe92

        I’m with Just Me 100%. I’ve been iffy and sometimes depressed with this article but you know – I should be. I had sex out of marriage and we used a condom but that was it, two big strikes. He doesn’t want to be a father well that’s another strike because again I shouldn’t have been a slut who couldn’t wait a decade or two to be nasty. Then I kept him because I’m selfish (I know I should have given him up for adoption) but I’m trying. We live with my Dad but I pay for everything my son needs/wants and I personally don’t think any single parent (never married) should date with kids under 18. What can you give that person? I know I can’t really give my time or anything. I work 8-14 hours a day 5-6/7 days a week and spend a few more trying to get my business going while spending as much time with my son as I can. That’s not a schedule any self respecting man will put up with when it’s not his child. To boot I’m overweight so I don’t think I could get a date with a single dad who was overweight ugly as sin inside and out simply because I’m disgusting. 5’7 200lbs and it’s just ugh. Don’t even get me going about the ‘bomb site’ I don’t want to go there so I will never allow a man to see/touch the nastiness. So personally I will probably never date again simply because I have ruined my sons life and I do not deserve to be “rewarded” for such behavior at all. IMO no single (never married) parent should- focus on your child(ren) because MAYBE you can give them a better life than your own.0

    • http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/ Mr. Red Pill

      It’s a simple mathematical inequality: You will expect the man to treat you as the center of HIS universe. While your kids will be the center of YOUR universe. So any relationship with a single mom will always start off on unequal footing from the get go, since he will always be second,, if not less, to your kids. What kind of a self-respecting man would accept such a proposition? No man. That’s beta to the core! You had fun with Mr. Pot Smoking 10″ Salami and I bet it was exciting, adventurous and I bet he was “hawt” and tall. You probably thought you can change him, like some Lifetime Channel movie. He would eventually come around. Well tough shit! You reap what you’ve sown! Your SMV is now 0. I may not have a 10″ salami, “hawt” or tall, but I do have my freedom and that’s something a single mom can not give, but take away.

      To all men out there, never, ever beta!

      • david

        Thats just as correct as it can get. Just about all women marry a man to try and change him, because thats what they are attracted to. Then he leaves her to play with others and create the same situation again. A self-respecting guy is usually the one who these women look to to take care of the business that they themselves participated in blaming the first man for all the problems. These are then the women that will just “settle” for any dumb ass to come along and take care of her and her kids and all the while she has no sexual attraction for him other than liking the fact that he will take care of her kids. happy NO MARRIAGE

    • kevin

      well in the same way that you ‘don’t want to date a guy who has kids’, I guess guys don’t want to date you for the same reason.

    • david

      Everyone has needs, but you are self supportive. Amen for you. Look for an equal or better than yourself if you choose to marry again that way when if your next marriage fails, you will not lose what you have worked for. Oh wow, did I say that. Thats what women have been looking for anyway . You say decent guy and Im wondering what your definition of a decent guy is. My definition of a decent guy is mostly they are smart enough to know what marriage laws have become for them and are opting out of marriage. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but what has ruined it is the culture and society television magazines and all of the programs tailored too fuel womens dreams and wishes which are mainly drama filled look at all of the soaps on tv. Nothing but affairs and drama going on. Women do not want a simple life any more and that is what GOD has intended us to have. That has long been gone and not coming back. Stress is killing everyone. Low testosterone is an ever increasing problem today with men which is different from the older days. Doctors are now prescribing hrt for guys even in their early twenties. All of this is contributing to the ever increasing failure of the marriages and America.

  • Kyle McKenna

    This article is some hard, bracing truth. But however hard and bracing, it’s still truth. The part that hit me hardest was about not leading on impressionable kids. Good solid advice, but also hard and bracing.

  • Mike

    Found this blog as I surf/read in bed. I have my wife wrapped up in my one arm as I type this, she’s snuggled close, laying on her left side. We’re expecting our first child together in 8 days. We’ve been together 5 years, and her daughter, is finishing up her last year of college. She’s a rock-star teacher, that her community and students adore. Her inner-strength, spirit, and intellect, only fall short when compared to her love of seeing others succeed. I will be a dad for the first time very shortly. I put off marriage/family for a long time because I thought it would weigh me down. Couldn’t of been further from the truth. And when I met my wife, I knew very soon afterward, that to share and build a life with such a remarkable human being is the only thing I had truly wanted long in a long long time. I am as happy as I have ever been right now, and this kind of bliss wouldn’t be possible without the wonderful single-mother that I met more than 5 years ago.

    • franky

      briffault’s law

  • Trulee

    It was all good until the abortion part.
    A woman who keeps her baby alive is a better person than a woman who kills her babies. Or a woman who puts her babies up for adoption is a better woman than a woman who kills her babies.
    Abortion is anti-male. Some of those men even IF they are not married or dating the woman, WANT AND SHOULD GET rights to their babies but they do not. Before or after birth. Abortion is also anti man because it will always be something women who are married can do in secret and husbands will be continuously lied to all around the united states and have no idea a woman is killing a fetus that is EQUALLY his. Killing his child in secret is never something a woman that is an MRA should support.
    She also says in the “single fathers just say yes” article that men who are fathers are the embodiment of responsibility, but I think that if a woman feels as though she morally cannot kill her offspring, has the same embodiment of responsibility as a single father. I would carry a baby to term at ANY cost, because it is my responsibility to not kill human babies or any human offspring, especially my own.
    If you are this pro choice- you might as well be a feminist if you ask me.
    Believing the shit that babies are everywhere and unwanted is bull. There are waiting lists everywhere for infertile and homosexual couples who WANT a baby who cannot make a baby themselves. There are people who would PAY for women to abort their babies, but those women are generally brainwashed feminists. The fathers and the babies need rights. Abortion caters to women’s feelings and not the others involved, and that is not okay and should not be supported. I would suggest everyone, even judgybitch herself, look into abortion procedures and the large amounts of waiting lists for babies all around the country. Not to mention I have personally known multiple men whose wives legally killed their babies without their consent. Imagine a “doctor” killing your child and having no say in it, that is what happens to men every day. It needs to stop.

    • John

      You are the person this article speaks of. Quit being a dumb cunt.

  • Trulee

    I should have read the entirety of the single fathers post. I understand a little better now. And you mainly agree with me. I am not sure. You just seemed so pro choice in this post. That it threw me off. But you admit that it is feminists that support pro choice/pro abortion. But I agree, until men get a say in reproductive rights, nothing will be equal and men will be at risk of having way too much responsibility. But a lot of women, not enough but a good deal of them, are as responsible as men and feel that they had no choice in birthing and raising their child. I hope one day men have the choice to opt out of parenthood. (adoption or giving it to the mother) but until that happens men might be more likely to be better as single parents than women. But it still takes two to tango for both sides so I would be wary of each parent that is single. But it still remains that a woman who killed her baby, is a bigger red flag than a woman who did not know the father of her child and kept it anyway. At least the later one kept her offspring alive and there is a lot more respect in that to me. It is likely that single mothers and single fathers both put their child’s needs first, or not first.
    To me I think it goes more like single fathers? Ehh probably not your best bet. Single mothers? Ehh probably not your best bet either. It just shows bad judgement calls on both of their parts.

  • Ben

    I don’t tend to agree with this particular post, on a personal level, anyway.
    Although, the dynamics are slightly different.
    I come from the home of two drug addicts, one of which (my mother) left when I was a few months old.
    I was basically juggled from one poisonous parenting figure to another over my childhood, but, through no ones choice but my own, I ditched my family like a hot sack of shit.
    There may have been a few problems up until my early twenties (I was kind of a raging prick), but now I’m 25, attending university, earning a respectable wage, in a 7-year-long relationship with a fantastic guy, and, frankly, things are looking pretty good.
    All I’m saying is, while it’s easy to blame the single parent solely (which is completely unfair, because there ARE some great single parents out there), after a while, the kid has to get some gall about themself, take responsibility for their own life and stop crying ‘WAH, MY MOTHER/FATHER SUCKED AND RUINED MY LIFE 4EVAHH’.

    • Eric

      Yup! People tend to like to play that Victim role and blame game, I agree .

      • Just Me

        There are a lot of single childless women out there like me. And unwed mothers are grabbing up the single childless men and using them and jading them. And trying to get knocked up by them to continue the fetal factory career. Heads up fellas. There are good single childless women out there that would love to have a relationship with you with a clean slate. No baby drama mamas. Try one of these ladies. There’s millions of us out there.
        Divorcees are another story as well as a widow. But fetal factories are something else ones should run away from.

  • http://www.YouTube.com/saiyomusic saiyo

    Stereotyping people is the same as feminists. Everybody is different. But you musn’t accept any fucked up person in your life, in a general sense

  • Ashley

    This article hurts my heart. I was raised in a Christian household where I was taught that sex before marriage was never okay and which I abstained from. But what I couldn’t do was keep men abstaining from forcing themselves on women. I was raped when I was 18 and growing up and being how I was raised, abortion was not an option. It was not my son’s fault that his father was a disgusting pig who couldn’t control his impulses and I wasn’t going to kill him for that. I also am not the type to give my child up for adoption, always wondering where he was or how he was doing. At the time, I was living on my own, working part time and going to school part time. After I had my son, I went back to school, got my nursing degree and am now a RN making $60,000 a year. I also found a firefighter who I married and who has raised my son like his own. We have been living a happy ever after for five years now. My son is very well off with no emotional or mental instability and had none for the three years he was raised by just me. To stereotype single moms like this is just wrong. There are instances like rape or birth control failure that can result in unplanned pregnancies but not necessarily unwanted. Not everyone believes in abortion and what’s more sickening is women who have sex out of marriage, get pregnant multiple times, and have multiple abortions. It’s like in this day and age, women view abortion as an after-thought birth control, like a late Plan-B. There are successful women in this world who had unfortunate events take place that have left them as a single mom and to simply tell all men to avoid them is absurd.

    • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com judgybitch

      Yours is an extraordinary and very rare story. Most single mothers are single mothers because they are selfish, stupid and uncaring.

      • Mary

        I am a 47 year old physiotherapist who has never been married. I became pregnant with a boyfriend at 29 with my at the time boyfriend. He was clear he didn’t want our child so I didn’t register him as the father. My son grew up playing travel hockey and playing the piano. My older brother, my father and my son all have a great relationship with each other. I wouldn’t change a thing about our life together. I am so blessed to have my happy healthy son who just got accepted to Michigan State for mechanical engineering. Tuition fully paid by the investments I made for him over the years. Each circumstance is different.

        • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com JudgyBitch

          No Mary, you are very much an outlier. If most single mothers were like you, you would not see the disastrous outcomes for their children. One of my closest friends is a single mother. 40 years old and an ICU nurse with a close family. Her child has never spent a single second in a daycare facility. Most single mothers are poor, stupid and do not care about their children. If they were all like you, there would be no issues.

          • http://thaijournal.wordpress.com/ Scott

            Love to see some statistics on just how many single mothers are ” stupid”, ” poor” , and do not ” care about their children”.
            It’s easy to say, if you have a stupid, poor mother who evidently did/does not care about you.
            It’s an ignorant hypothesis at best( yours), but without some evidence supporting you ignorance, it’s just an angry rant by an individual who got burned at some point.

          • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com JudgyBitch

            Scott, look at any statistics you like about OUTCOMES for children of married parents versus children of single MOTHERS. Then you go ahead and convince yourself they are all brilliant, caring and deeply invested in their children’s future.

            In jail, rehab or a cemetery.

          • http://thaijournal.wordpress.com/ Scott

            Again, an ignorant post.
            Who said anything about brilliance? That’s not a requirement for any mother.
            Perhaps if you did a study in the outskirts of Detroit or the like you might find a bunch of single mothers who are drug addicts, uneducated and in and out of jail. That’s a representation of that specific sub group and not a representation of the whole.
            Of all the single mothers I’ve met in my life, including my own, I’ve never met one that did not live and care for their child, or was a drug addict or in jail. Not saying they do not exist. I know they do. But it’s a very small percentage of the whole of single mothers. I also understand that we tend to judge the world based on our small little box that we live in. Yours was obviously influenced by poor relationships of your own.

          • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com JudgyBitch

            The outcomes for children of single mothers and married mothers with BAs are worlds apart and if you think that is because mothers with BAs are BRILLIANT, well I feel sorry for you.

            They are not brilliant. They are sensible, rational, practical and concerned with their children’s future. They make smart choices.

            Single mothers, on average, do not.

            They make dumb, selfish choices that hurt their children. It’s not about brilliance, it about common sense.

            Single mothers appear to have none.

            Guess common sense is not that common?

      • http://thaijournal.wordpress.com/ Scott

        False statement not based on facts or stats. Nothing to support your claim. Bitterness does not count. You can’t just run around calling an entire people group stupid and poor and selfish without actually providing any raw data.

        • http://judgybitch.wordpress.com JudgyBitch

          All the raw data is in the post, dude. Try clicking a link.

          • http://thaijournal.wordpress.com/ Scott

            Nobody said anything about all single moms being brilliant. Most people are not brilliant. Most married moms are not brilliant nor or their husbands. Brilliance is a rarity. I didn’t realize we are discussing extreme traits. Stupidity is very common and it does not discriminate against single mothers or married parents. I can click a link just fine as well as having a good bit of first hand knowledge on the subjuct.
            Your anger and bitterness is real apparent. Stating that single mothers may often times be troubled individuals is different that claiming that most are STUPID, POOR AND UNCARING. Perhaps within certain demographics and under a certain set of circumstances. Your statements are generalized and NOT based on any certainties.
            All writers are arrogant, narsasistic pricks with no grasp of reality and often say whatever they want with out little no concern with truth. Now I can copy and paste a bunch of BS that I quickly pulled together off the internet and call it proof… But even I know that everything I just said was biased and based on my own opinion and ignorance.

    • http://Pires rosso

      Good points here, but reality is different and things and people can change and learn from each other, especially when they truly love. And every individual should be judged by their individual character and not to generalize.I met a single mom 2 years ago, who decided with her ex to have a baby and the guy left her when it was already too late to do abortion.

      First of all she is smoking, stunningly beautiful, something like Sophia Loren in her twenties and have had the best passionate sex and intense love experience ever in my life with this woman. She is 100% loyal to me and truly loves me, since a single mom does not have time to play around but she is by default more profound and knows better to appreciate a good man, instead of 1000’s of superficial materialistic bitches without kids. She is not materialist at all and even though she struggles to survive she refuses with so much pride and honour any financial help I offer. Sometimes I have to forcefully push some cash in her pockets because I know she really needs it. The kid is cute and sweet and gets attached to me and comes and kisses me all the time. Yes it was hard at some point with her jealous ex, yes it is hard sometimes with the kid because you need to sacrifice some bachelor-activities, yes we had in the beginning some quarrels/discussions about future children, some jealousy stuff, etc. but then again you would have those arguments anyway with whoever woman you’re with and hey I have a woman that any man would dream of, she loves me so much, great passion/sex, humor, 100% loyal (she doesn’t even look at any man) and in a year or two we’ll have hopefully another child so really I consider myself lucky and happy. I’m sure that there are also single moms like the one you described that we should stay faaaar away from, but that has nothing to do with the fact they have a child, but with their disturbed characters. And finally everyone can make mistakes, just for us guys a mistake of being with the wrong girl doesn’t get us pregnant and we can get rid of it easily, whereas women are disavantaged by nature as they become pregnant and abortion has a time-limit and besides it’s psychologically a very difficult step for women. So lighten up and just enjoy life and try instead to pursue real love and that comes only through sacrifices and hard work.

  • Robbie

    Considering a woman who has had her own child, the fruit of her womb, put to death is responsible?!?! Like NOT!!! You are thinking of putting your precious prong into a chamber where a child has been poisoned, ripped, torn, suctioned out? A death chamber as it were?
    Abortion exists because there are soulless vultures waiting to take advantage of distressed mothers, most of whom would follow through and give birth if not for selfcentered boy”friends,” mothers, fathers, grandmothers, pressuring them to get rid of the inconvenience. Inconvenience inconvenient to THEM, not to her. She is not their chief concern.
    While it is true that single mothers are not a good bet, they are better than those with no more moral fiber than to relieve themselves of the inconvenience of a fatherless child by having a greedy abortionist do the dirty deed.

  • Andy

    I have some sympathy for single mom’s as my own mom was one. But there is a lot of truth to this post. Especially the positive aspects such as the give and take and the need for a child to have a father. It is absolutely essential. Men in this country should be willing to lose their life to recover these rights, alas they have proven to be weak. Our society needs tough love on single motherhode. In fact it is long overdue.

  • Agne

    Couldn’t even finish this article . Horrible . This person shouldn’t be writing anything at all … So is best if child is grawing with both but sees abusive father, sees him treating his mom like shit ? I left my man when my son was 5 months old and is the best thing I ever did ! For me and my boy ! If not we would be still stuck in fair together .. You shouldn’t be blaming single mothers , open your eyes. See what’s happening in families with both parents better . No respect , fights , abuse. This kids will grow up amazing people ? That’s why we leave , for our kids . Because we love them more ! We are BRAVE And you shouldn’t be even talking , because you don’t have that much love like we do… Just start loving yourself. Good luck

  • http://thaijournal.wordpress.com/ Scott

    I’m curious about single mothers who were married to lying, cheating, drunk men who leave them for the next best thing? I’m curious, because not only does this seem to be more prevalent but it happens to be the case for my mother.
    My single mother dropped out of college to care for me. When my dad left for the first of his next three wives, she was forced to get a job with southwestern bell. Long story short, 36 years later and only three sick days, she retired from upper management with ATT. Then she took a position as a county auditor in Texas and retired a second time 15 years later.
    As for myself, I spent 16 years in the United states navy and went on to a successful career in the commercial diving industry. My mother taught me about personal responsibility, integrity and work ethic. All of which has made me the man I am today. My father on the other hand taught me everything I should strive not to be.
    Any man would be fortunate to meet a single mother with similar characteristics to my own single mother; responsible, selfless, hardworking and above all, loving.
    Wondering what issues this judge bitch is struck with? One bad experience with a crack head woman does not reflect on most of the single responsible parents out there. Makes me think the crack habit was passed down the blood stream on this one.

  • Vman

    JB doesn’t appear to hate women who are prepared to be full adults. Your post sounds just like a child who objects to being made to face some adult consequences of her lifestyle choices.

    • http://kaylalonkard.wordpress.com khorsebabe92

      When I can get to a computer I will name some specifics from the dating single mothers and the dating single fathers argument. IMO and experience, it’s been a 50/50 on good and bad with single mothers and fathers. I’ve seen horrible single fathers, and of course some very selfish and irresponsible single moms as well. But in my location I also see many horrible married parents. But that’s not the argument with this post either. Should single parents be dating? I don’t know. Personally I can’t see dating even when my son moves out. Now of course I don’t see the benefits outweighing the risks of dating even if I wait a year or five for a man to meet my son. Even when he’s an adult why change everything by dating? But the same spouts true of married couples. If you’re unhappy split up before you damage your child with the animosity and possible violence, and while they’re too young to remember you together. Or actually push through the bull and honor the vows you made eachother and God. Or for goodness sake everyone stop having sex before marriage. Both parties are responsible. If you have sex you may have a child. Period. Don’t spread your legs or whip it out until marriage after a good while to see if you and that person are compatible. But that’s just my opinion. I don’t think you need sex to live and some definitions of drugs would in fact consider sex a potent drug- best to do only with the one you spend your life with. Myself I don’t see my 1.25 year streak ending. Why? I made mistakes to affect my sons life and refuse to bring another child into this world out of wedlock.

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

  • Had to tell the truth about it

    I hate to be the first to flat out say that everything you have written about dating a single Mother is true. I am dating my first single mother and I am beginning to hate it. she hardly ever has quality time for me and whenever we do begin to develop quality time the son calls ……. I thought that I loved her enough to endure it until we moved in together but I don’t think that I can last.

    I dated an older woman and we never really broke up….. I have begun talking to her again and I think that I would fair better with her all the way around.

    I pray that this young woman is found by a man that has more patience than me because “good sex” is not worth all the loneliness and extra added stress that I have to go through.

    • eric

      Move on , its not worth it . she will bleed you for your money and your emotions period . read what I posted seven months ago , I was dealing with damaged goods and more baggage than I should have ever put up with cause the ” sex ” was so gooood . puke

  • Jim

    “Dating single mothers? just say No!”

    Say no and RUN! Damaged goods there. A+ advice.

    ” A widow is NOT a single mother. Her husband died! Lumping her in with single mothers is an insult to his memory, to her and to her children.”

    I agree. That doesn’t count.