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Dating single fathers? Just say YES! A note for all the single ladies.

4 Apr

singledad

 

My just say no to dating single mothers post remains one of the most popular on this blog, with over 50K views and 3K+ Facebook shares.  I probably trash about 75% of the comments that post generates, since they all tend to be along the lines of “oh my god you’re so judgy and such a bitch and even though other single mothers are total slags like you say, I’m not and you should just die already”.  Yeah, yeah.  Whatever.  It always amuses me when commenters get outraged at what a judgy bitch I am.  Uhm, you clicked on a website called JudgyBitch!  What the fuck were you expecting?

 

Another frequent comment I get is “oh yeah, well what about all the single dads?  What about them, huh?”, so let’s talk about them.

 

Single fathers have all the virtues single mothers do not, and they should definitely be on your radar screen if you are looking for some solid, husband material.  Let’s talk about why.

 

First and foremost, every single mother chooses parenthood, as she is legally entitled to do.  Facing a positive pregnancy test, she has the option of evicting Junior from her womb long before any need to buy itty bitty shoes arises.  And even after Junior arrives, she still has at least two options in front of her:  She can refuse to identify the father and place the child for adoption, or she can surrender the child under safe haven laws and walk away from all financial, social, legal and ethical responsibilities.

 

The argument that women should be able to choose parenthood because only women get pregnant is nullified by the fact that even after a baby is born,  a woman still gets to decide if she will assume responsibility for that child.  She does not need to have any reason whatsoever for refusing that responsibility.  If she doesn’t want the baby, she doesn’t have to keep it.

 

Men have no such rights.  Men cannot force women to have abortions, nor should they be able to.  They cannot surrender their paternal rights.  They cannot refuse to assume responsibility for the child. They will, in fact, be imprisoned, if they cannot pay the woman whatever sum the courts have determined is appropriate. and let’s not forget that for some women, tricking a man into a pregnancy is just “normal“.

 

Men are not allowed to choose parenthood.

 

It is therefore safe to assume that a single father had fatherhood thrust upon him.  Single mothers make a conscious, deliberate choice to make the one decision most likely to guarantee their children live in poverty with little chance of escaping.  Single fathers have not made that choice because they are not legally entitled to do so.

 

Single fathers are the exact opposite of single mothers:  they are the embodiment of responsibility.  A man raising his children alone has assumed full responsibility for someone else’s choice (the choice to have a baby), and even if the decision to have a child was nominally mutual, in actual fact, he had no say.  Mutual agreement to have a child is merely pleasant conversation to disguise the fact that men have no reproductive choices, other than complete celibacy or permanent sterilization, choices we would never accept as the only birth control options for women.  And rightly so.

 

Single fathers are also a good financial bet for potential relationships because even though they bear the brunt of the cost of raising their children, they are unlikely to be paying out alimony to the mother’s child, and obviously are not paying child support.  They are unlikely to be receiving child support, either, and it behooves any women considering a single father to consider the fact that women are far more likely to be delinquent in paying child support than men are.  Don’t count on the baby mama kicking in any cash.  It’s highly improbable. And don’t count on the courts sending the woman to jail for failure to pay.  Ha!  Yeah, right. Even without support from the other parent, single fathers still tend not to be poor because they have made entirely different life choices than single mothers.

 

Dating a single father is also an excellent test of a woman’s own personality.  Can you deal with the fact that a child will always supersede you in his father’s affections?  I think women who don’t have children are taken by surprise when confronted with this reality, because they don’t understand that children almost always take priority over adults and adults are expected to be mature, self-assured and accommodating of the needs of others.

 

Mature?

Self-assured?

Accommodating?

 

You can see why this is a problem for some women.  Check out these letter to Dear Prudence, in which delightful Princesses of The Special Snowflake begrudge their partner’s love for their children.  I’m so confused about that whole wicked stepmother trope!  It’s just patriarchy, right?

 

Dear Prudie,  I’ll be spending New Year with my boyfriend of two and a half years. While this would normally be lovely, I’m not looking forward to it. I feel bummed out by it. We’ll be at his parent’s, which is out in the sticks and he has visitation with his daughter for the holidays first time since she was a baby. I’m conflicted. On one hand this should be about the time he spends with his daughter and she with her grandparents. On the other hand I cannot stand the way he rewards/gives in to her tantrums and end up angry and isolating myself. I’m also 27 and feeling a little resentful that for the second year in a row my New Years, which should be fun and carefree, is dictated by his family plans. Even if I did ditch them, which is essentially what I’d be doing, that also feels terrible and it’s not like I have many other friends or options. I’m not sure what to do or how to manage conflicting feelings of guilt & resentment. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.  -Conflicted.

 

I’ve been married for a little over a year. I met my husband several years ago when we were neighbors; he was married at the time and had a young son. He moved away, got divorced, and I didn’t see him for several years. Then we reconnected, dated, and got married very quickly. His son is now 10 and I’m having a really hard time getting to like the boy. This might sound mean, but I can’t stand him sometimes. I know he’s a child, and that he gets his bad manners from his psycho mother, but everything about him just grosses me out: the way he eats; the way his mother dresses him (like a little rapper); that he’s too lazy to even clean his room. I try so hard to hide my feelings, but my husband senses it sometimes. I take his son to buy school clothes or toys, but he can’t behave and it’s driving me insane. I really don’t know what to do, especially now that we have him every weekend. I asked my husband if he can give me “me” time at least once a month, but his excuse is that he hates leaving his son with his ex-wife. I really can’t take sharing my husband with his son. What should I do?

 

Ugh.  Completely horrid women.

 

Single fathers are clearly capable of accepting responsibilities, even when they had no say in creating those responsibilities, and they will always have priorities over and above the women they partner with.  I can imagine the snarls and contemptuous huffing coming from those women who cannot abide, for one second, that a mere child will take precedence over her, and those are just the women you want to avoid like the plague.

 

If you are one of those women, then steer clear of the single dads.  They really don’t need another child. But if you are looking for a man willing to commit to something greater than the sum of individual parts, and that is what marriage is, then a single father might be just the man you’re looking for.

I’m reminded of a Rita Rudner joke that I always find quite amusing:

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

We can spin it a bit and say:

“I think men who are sole parents are better prepared for marriage.  They’ve experienced powerlessness and accepted responsibility”.

 

Now the real question is why the hell would a single father ever want to complicate his life and open himself up to even more exploitation by taking on a wife? Or another wife?

 

What’s in it for him?

 

Until men have the legal right to choose parenthood, not much.  Just more responsibility. How fascinating that it’s mostly feminists who demand the right to choose parenthood for themselves, but refuse that right to men.

 

 

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.

Sigmund Freud

 

Is that because responsibility is the natural consequence of freedom? As long as men are not free to do something as fundamental as choose parenthood, they can be forced into assuming responsibilities.  And let’s be clear, the responsibility single fathers have assumed is not for the children.

 

It’s for a woman’s choice.

 

If feminists really wanted to tackle women’s oppression, they would insist that men and women are equally free to accept or reject responsibility for their life choices. But that’s not what they want at all.  They want the right to shift the burden accountability of onto men (how oppressive!), many of whom accept that treatment willingly. Like single fathers.

 

Why do they accept the burden?

 

Because they have no choice.  And because they put the needs of their children first.

 

Exactly what single mothers refuse to do.

 

Single mothers?  Just say no.  Single fathers?  Hell, yeah!

 

Those are men worth working for.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

 

 

 

Hanna Rosin says we are witnessing the end of men! Oh yeah? How about we look at the facts?

7 Jan

hanna

Let’s get Hanna’s motivations clear right from the get-go, shall we? Hanna Rosin is not interested in equality. She is interested in dominance. Female dominance. Nothing more, and nothing less. From the author’s own website:

I come from a long line of matriarchs, women who either ruled over their husbands, or ran away from them. My mother is an intimidating figure. She has always served as the neighborhood watchdog, taking on bullies and running the co-op board with an iron fist. If you met her, it would be obvious why I was open to possibility of female dominance, because she embodied it long before it became the defining trend of our era.

Hanna acknowledges that female dominance is a central part of her understanding of how the world works, and that female dominance has become the defining trend of our era. Well, kudos to Hanna for at least being honest.

Hanna has been on a crusade to prove female dominance for some time now. In her original article, published at the Atlantic, she mused that “[f]or years, women’s progress has been cast as a struggle for equality. But what if equality isn’t the end point? What if modern, postindustrial society is simply better suited to women?”.

What if female dominance is inevitable?

Her recent article at Time Magazine lays out five reasons men are slated to be the oppressed sex – five ways in which men are complete and utter failures:

Men are failing in the workplace

The traditional household is vanishing

Men are increasingly subjected to violence from female partners

Working and middle-class fathers have become non-existent

Men have become feminized

Let’s take these one by one.

Men are failing in the workplace?

And what workplace would that be? The one that keeps our infrastructure up and running?

Statistically speaking, 100% of power plant operators, distributors and dispatchers are men.

91% of the nation’s electrical engineers are men.

97.6% of electrical power line installers and maintenance workers are men.

95.5% of water and liquid waste treatment plant and system operators are men.

95.9% of aircraft pilots and flight engineers are men.

98.4% of aircraft mechanics and service technicians are men.

91.9% of computer network architects, who design and implement all our computer based communications systems are men.

94.2% of radio and telecommunications equipment installers and repair technicians are men.

93.4% of garbage collectors are men.

78.2% of all workers in production, transportation and material moving occupations are men

82.4% of all industrial production managers are men

97.5% of all extraction workers, providing the raw materials to run our economy are men

Transportation, energy, communications, water treatment, resource extraction and waste management. Those are the things that provide us with a little something called civilization as we know it, and they are overwhelmingly provided by men.

While it is true that the manufacturing sector has taken a hit in recent years, the United States remains the world’s largest manufacturer, with a 2009 industrial output of $2.33 trillion. Its manufacturing output is greater than Germany, France, India and Brazil combined.

70% of that total workforce is male.

Primary metals manufacturing? 85.6% men.

Apparel manufacturing? 68.3% women.

So ladies in manufacturing are basically just sewing clothes?

How shocking! How surprising! How very housewifely!

What are the ladies doing in the workforce anyways? Most common job categories for women in 2010?

Secretaries (96.8% women)

Nurses (92% women)

Primary and elementary school teachers (81.9% women)

Cashiers (74.4% women)

Nursing aides (88.5% women)

Retail sales (51.9% women)

Retail sales managers (44.1% women)

Waitresses (71.6% women)

Maids (89.9% women)

Oh ladies. Thunderous applause. Doing all the same work in the paid market that you used to do at home. Progress!

Well, maybe the future will be different!

The top ten industries by annual average employment growth between 2Q09 and 2Q13:

Information Services

Support Activities for Mining

Educational Support Services

Technical and Trades Schools

Oil and Gas Extraction

Computer Systems Design

Management and Technical Consulting Services

Other Schools and Instruction

Ambulatory Healthcare Services

Employment Services

Educational support services? Maybe. Ambulatory healthcare and employment services? Okay. Sure. Women will dominate! But IT? Computer systems design? Mining support? Oil and gas extraction?

Ahahahahahahahahahaha!

Yeah. Right.

Hanna Rosin, you are full of shit. Women aren’t excelling in the workplace. They are doing all the same housewifely jobs they’ve always done.

The traditional household is failing?

Gee, I wonder why? Women are out in the workforce doing their housewife gig, neglecting their children and partners and are deeply, deeply unhappy as a result.

They file most divorce proceedings, have more mental health problems and express greater dissatisfaction with their lives.

But let’s blame men for that, shall we, Hanna? What women need is to be more dominant. To rule with an iron fist. Oh, except that women in traditional marriages are much happier.

Men are increasingly subject to violence from female partners?

It’s just sickening that Hanna sees this as a good thing. There is no question that it’s true, but how on earth can it ever be a net positive? Hanna links violence to women’s sexual confidence, which is deeply disturbing in and of itself.

Women are becoming more sexually confident, and something Camille Paglia has been waiting for, more aggressive and violent in both good ways and bad.

What Hanna is not taking into account is that women get away with hitting partners because the men are taking it. For now. How long does she expect that state of affairs to last?

Suzanne Venker puts it nicely:

It is a dangerous thing to create a society of angry men. Feminists have no idea what a can of worms they’ve created — and what it’s about to do to our nation.

Working and middle class fathers are becoming non-existent?

Again, it’s just sickening that Hanna thinks millions of children being raised without fathers is proof that women are dominant and men are obsolete. Children raised by single mothers do poorly on every imaginable scale. They have more emotional problems, experience more stress, are more likely to grow up poor, they have lower educational achievements and experience way more behavioral problems than children who grow up with married parents. Depression, suicide, drug abuse, jail and psychiatric medications are all more common in populations of children raised by single mothers.

The absence of fathers from the home is proof that women are stupid, heartless and profoundly unconcerned with their children’s well-being. If that’s dominance, I’ll pass, thanks.

Men are becoming feminized?

Which men?

64% of men do not wear any fragrance of any kind. Only 23% of men wear cologne daily. And cologne is hardly some arty-farty invention of middle class ladies.

80% of household spending is controlled by women. That 20% leftover is being used by men to “feminize” themselves? Bullshit.

Top Ten Things Women Enjoy Buying:

Handbags

Shoes

Summer dresses

Concert tickets

Jeans

Jewellery

Little black dress

Chocolates

Underwear

Beauty products

Top Ten Things Men Enjoy Buying:

Watches

Spirits

Apple Gadgets

Televisions and A/V equipment

Gifts

Dates and relationships

Life experiences

Sports

Gambling

Cars

It’s interesting that the lady list has only two things that could ostensibly be shared with a partner (concert tickets, chocolates), while the men’s list contains almost ALL shareable items. The preference for gambling, cars and sports doesn’t suggest the sissification of men to me.

Keep dreaming, Hanna. Men are becoming the gentle kittens you would like them to be? Don’t be fooled. Just because men can be and are very often gentle, kind and giving to women doesn’t mean they will always be that way.

Here’s an idea for you: let’s claim that men are obsolete and worthless, like a map of a flat earth or a woolly mammoth snare, completely ignore the fact that they run the entire economy and make possible every service industry by doing the hard, shitty work, slap the shit out of them at home, take their children from them and then call them sissies.

How long do you think it will take before you discover that men are not only far from obsolete, they are faster, bigger, smarter and stronger than you?

How long will it take before they decide they have had quite enough of your shit?

How long, Hanna, can you live without water, power, communications, transportation or sewage treatment?

Obsolete?

I don’t think so.

Obviously people want social calm, but if you do not let clever and ingenious people participate, there must be some dormant volcano that will erupt, sooner or later.

Lech Walesa

Hanna and her ilk think the revolution will be the triumph of feminism and the utter domination of women.

I wouldn’t count on it.

Not for one second.

Lots of love,

JB

About that “this is why we write the blog in the first place” post

9 Oct

Pixie decided to take the post down, because she has not had a chance to discuss with the actual person involved whether he would care to have his words and situation published.

 

We reacted without thinking the implications for Friend through very well.

 

She has saved the post and all the comments, and if Friend is okay with it going back up, we will do so.

 

But it’s his life, and he has the ultimate right to decide how much of that he cares to share.

 

Just wanted to let you know what happened to it.

 

Lots of love,

 

JB

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