I love satire sites like The Onion, and satirical writers like Anne Gus at Thought Catalog, but nothing quite makes me guffaw like The Babylon Bee, where writers somehow manage to skewer Christian beliefs without being complete assholes to Christians in the process. That’s an art form, I swear. Perfectly Swiftian, and it’s amazing how close to reality satire can get some days.
Here’s an utterly appealing headline from the Onion that still manages to make me laugh while feeling simultaneously horrible.
Isn’t that completely awful? And yet, somehow still hilarious?
In subsequent surveys, we also noticed that after administering a spanking, parents tend to feel more powerful and in control of their lives—something children seem to sense when they inevitably turn around to their mother or father and offer a sincere apology for misbehaving.
That’s so terrible …..
Want some hilarious satire on Twitter? Try following Sean Spicier. Leftist readers fall for this account every day. Every damn day. Whoever runs Spicier has his finger on the pulse.
But the sine qua non of modern satire has to be the Babylon Bee. It’s just so delightfully warped!
ISRAEL—New documents released by the Society of Biblical Scholars confirm that the Resurrection of Christ was merely a complex April Fool’s Day joke that got the disciples who pulled the prank off tortured or martyred or both.
Peter, James, John, Mary, and Martha all reportedly put their heads together and came up with the classic gag, which would end up getting most of them killed for refusing to admit it was all an April Fool’s Day joke that went too far.
The newly discovered and confirmed gospel fragments revealed by the Society record the disciples talking about the prank idea:
“You know what would be great?” Peter said unto the other disciples. “If we like, pretended Jesus came back from the dead. We could steal the body and tell everybody He came back, and then when they threaten to throw us in jail, we’ll never recant.”
The other disciples said, “Yes, verily, let us do as you say. It will be a really great prank, the best the world has ever seen.”
John stood and addressed the disciples, saying, “I don’t know how I’m gonna keep a straight face when they threaten to banish me for the rest of my life. Totally classic, bros! High five!”
The document goes on to describe how Jesus’s followers sneaked by Roman guards, rolled away the stone, stole Jesus’s body, and slipped away again unnoticed. The “epic prank” went on for thousands of years undiscovered, until these new documents confirmed the whole thing was a big, complicated hoax that got everybody involved in it slaughtered.
I’m sorry, but that’s hilarious! How many Christians now want to go into the offices of the Babylon Bee and open fire on the heretics and blasphemers?
Oh that’s right, none.
Because we’re better than the Religion of Peace, in every way.
The whole world should be Christian, for the simple reason that Jesus has his marketing game down. He’s born, you get presents. He dies, you get chocolate.
What’s not to love?
Lots of love,