The wonderful and thoughtful Ebony Brown is back with some additional thoughts on the state of Black America. This is particularly apropos, given the hue and cry elicited by Miss USA, who dares to be conservative and Black at the same time. I find the hatred directed at Kara incredible, but not unexpected – I wonder how many death threats she will get from the #BlackLivesMatter crew?
Half of all online misogynists are women – this is not news to any woman online who dares to challenge the feminist narrative. I wonder if the worst racists are other Black people? That seems unfair to even write, but given that it’s true, when it comes to women, is it not possible when it comes to race? Perhaps the fact that women are the greatest misogynists and Black people are the biggest racists is the best possible indicator we have that racism and sexism really aren’t structural features of modern American life. It’s not race or sex that determines power and privilege.
Ebony Brown has some thoughts on all of these issues: race, class, sex ….
Negro Bed Wench or Baby Mama: A Black Woman’s Dilemma
Where can I find Black Suburbia? Where’s the present-day equivalent of the Cosby Show? Why don’t more educated and respectable blacks get together and forge stronger black communities? I thought these mental inquiries would come to pass, so long as I developed as an individual and nurtured my own self-esteem and self-confidence. Then and only then, would I glance in the mirror and observe my image without racial inclination or bias regarding success. What I should see is a professionally skilled and attractive woman—that don’s physical attributes of an assimilated black heritage. However, when I am in the presence of decent blacks these thoughts escape my mind. I can’t help but to ask these questions out of curiosity or to just play the devil’s advocate.
The interesting element to these discussions is that the first two inquiries are usually answered with the same replies–the upper social echelons of Atlanta, Philadelphia, a few cities in South Carolina, New York and South Chicago and numerous other places. As for present-day black family-oriented TV shows, Black-ish (yes, that’s the actual name of the series). Any other syndicated series such as Family Matters, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, etc. are all from the 90’s or early to mid-2000s (a time when the nuclear family was still considered essential to everyone’s upbringing). The responses to the last question however, always vary depending on gender, result in somewhat emotionally driven responses, or are just plain ignored as to avoid explosive discussion.
Which really means we are obligated as a people to examine this issue more closely. I’d like to state that I am not attempting to vilify or demonize the black man; nor am I purposely debunking any well-established stereotypes –however if this does occur in discussion then so be it. I’m also sure that I will catch some heat for this one, so JB brace yourself.
“I just prefer women of other races.”
“I’ve dated a few, but we seem to ultimately want different things.”
“It’s a matter of social status. Being married to a black woman isn’t as personally fulfilling or seen as an achievement, in comparison to marrying a non-black woman.”
“I have no desire to deal with daily black woman drama, or her many bastard children.”
“The successful black woman desires too much of a black man, and her lifestyle expectations are ridiculous.”
“They don’t want men in general anymore. They want to keep their sense of independence”
None of these remarks surprise me in the least, for they are formulaic and very common complaints that black men have had about black women. What does concern me is that my conversation is always devoted to educated, personally enriched blacks. Which should provide a sharp contrast and exclusion from the impoverished, obese, feral, negro mammy types and all stigmas associated—yet somehow, these overachieving black women are still susceptible to the same harsh criticism as the scourge of the hood, even though the makings of these women aren’t remotely the same!
It seems the contempt that some black men may have for their female counterparts outweighs the optimistic numbers that reveal black women have made great strides in the last decade. Amongst black people, black women are TWICE as likely to graduate college and obtain advanced degrees then black men. Yet, only 49% of college-educated black women will marry a well-educated man, in comparison to 84% of white women! 60% of college educated black women (ages 25-35) have never married, in comparison to 38% of college educated white women. Studies have also found that black women are least likely to marry outside racial lines than any other race of woman! For those whom can’t see the writing on the wall, please allow this quote from Stanford Professor Ralph Richard Banks, author of Is Marriage for White People? to enlighten you:
“Two African American women graduate from college for every one African American male. Despite this imbalance, there is still enormous social pressure on Black women to only marry Black men — to “sustain” the race and build strong black families. And this means marrying Black men even if they are less educated or earn less money. In short, no matter the personal cost, Black woman are encouraged to marry “down” before they marry “out.”
Wow. So, the 2% of Black female doctors in this country are torn between settling as baby mama number three with Keyshawn’s broke ass, or being labeled an advocate of white supremacy. Not only are we saddled with the responsibility of educational advancement while competing in a global economy, we are suffocated by the self-perpetuated stigma of an unwanted but much expected matriarch in our communities. Meaning that black men can suspend all genuine efforts to mentor as our fathers, to protect and lead our communities, to provide financial stability, to even appreciate good black women…because they’re aware that we will settle for any black man. The black woman’s lack of standards and self-respect is truly what’s damaging the progression of our people.
Women of other races understand these dangers. White and Asian women’s birth rates directly correlate with matrimony. Their own individual educational attainment serves as a barometer, of the minimum expectation their significant other is required to uphold. Hell, Asian women are known for determining their partners based on “The Three Highs”: high IQ and academic achievement; high salaries; and (personal) heights! Where’s the black woman’s selective measurements and principles for choosing an adequate spouse leading to matrimony? They seem non-existent until you factor in interracial pairings.
The most recent statistics reflecting interracial marriages stated that 25% of black men, in comparison to 12% of black women married an individual of another race. However, when comparing interracial divorce dynamics, black men/white women marriages are TWICE as likely to end in divorce—than the average white male/white woman union. While black women/white men pairings are 44% LESS likely to end in divorce! Considering that the current divorce rate is at 50%, that’s troubling for the “black kings” of the world but promising for the sensible ebony ladies. With social media platforms and technology encouraging cultural interactions and nearly vanquishing segregation, the prospect of othering also diminishes. Black women have become less of the hellish enigma that we were once depicted as.
“Come back to us.”
“Oh, so you’re too good for a brother?”
“You like that pink meat!?”
“He can’t handle all that!”
“A fine-looking woman such as yourself should never be with the devil. You can do better than a white boy!”
These are a few statements from unacquainted black men, who are collectively under the impression that their disapproving scowls and negative opinions of my healthy interracial relationship on public display, have bearing on my personal life choices.
Well, know this brother:
The enlightened black woman chooses financial stability over your secondhand hustles; marital bliss over your mayhem; dependable fathers over absentees; and prosperous neighborhoods over your poisonous ones. Understand that the white devil can and will acquire the quality woman that you’ve turned a blind eye to. Not only this, they’re bound to select the cream of the crop—cherry picking the most physically appealing, psychologically sound, emotionally supportive and learned black woman from your genetic trees.
In time, the best of our women will give birth to mulatto children as the bed wenches before us.