One of the things I find most annoying whenever the topic of domestic violence comes up is the idea that men should never, ever hit women; that masculinity itself depends on never smacking a chick no matter how badly she asks for it. It’s just so damn patronizing. The idea that women should never, ever be hit is infantilizing. We’re not children, and we are perfectly capable of provoking and deserving a slap across the head, just as men are. This attitude is particularly frustrating in the context of martial arts training, but surprisingly common. Lots of men will not spar enthusiastically with women, out of fear of ‘hurting’ us. Well, getting punched hurts. It’s supposed to hurt. Experience is a great teacher – get the fuck offside, learn to slip, block and angle away. Reluctant ‘gentlemen’ on the mats are not doing me any favors by refusing to punch at level. Obviously, no one expects anyone else to go 100% on anyone, man or woman, but going way too light on women is shitty training that harms more than it helps.
This whole Johnny Depp/Amber Heard story smells like gold digger bullshit, but I have to say, the defense of Depp as being too much of a gentleman to ever hit a woman is just the flip side of the coin above. I can understand Depp’s daughter coming to his defense, insisting that her Daddy is gentle and lovely and would never hurt her, but why the fuck shouldn’t he hit Amber, if she asked for it? Depp has a rather checkered past when it comes to violence, after all. He’s been known to trash a few hotel rooms, get arrested for bar fights, and just generally wreak havoc wherever he goes. Depp’s former wife, Vanessa Paradis, has written a letter indicating that Depp was never once violent with her during their 14 years marriage and relationship, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t violent with Heard. There’s actually a very good, and likely explanation for why Depp was completely non-violent with Paradis, but slap-happy with Heard: he’s a man who doesn’t hit first, but he does hit back.
Whether a woman hits a man first is an excellent predictor of whether a woman is going to experience domestic violence: turns out that plenty of men don’t buy into the whole ‘never hit a woman’ crap, and most certainly will hit a woman who hits them, as they bloody well should.
As in many studies of IPV, the OYS found that much IPV is bidirectional (meaning both are violent), and in unidirectional abusive relationships, the women were more likely to be abusive than the men.
The study found that a young woman’s IPV was just as predictive of her male partner’s future IPV as the man’s own past IPV. In other words, whereas we often think of men as the only abusers and also as serial abusers, the OYS found that a woman’s violence against her man was as predictive of his violence to her as his own history of violence.
Those same men will go on to have peaceful, non-violent relationships with other partners, provided the new partner doesn’t hit them.
Moreover, the study found that men’s physical aggression changes significantly when they find a new partner. Instead of a man being either a batterer or not, often it was his female partner’s violence or nonviolence which heavily influenced whether he would be violent to her.
A simple solution to domestic violence? Teach women not to hit men.
I’m guessing that Heard took a swing at Johnny, and got served back what she served up. Let’s think for a moment about why she might want to do that: three days after Depp’s mother died, Heard filed for divorce, and requested spousal support. The couple had no pre-nup, and Heard stands to walk away with millions and millions of Johnny’s fortune. After a marriage that lasted a whopping 15 months. The timing was epically shitty and Heard came off as a complete and utter cunt. She was getting some bad press, and then lo and behold, the DV story materialized. Now Heard is the innocent victim, Depp is the monster and no one wants to talk about the truckload of cash this little whore is gonna walk away with. Look at her face, coming out of a four hour meeting with her lawyer. She’s just busted up over this, isn’t she?
On the balance of probability, I think Depp probably did whack the little bitch, and I think she deserved at least that much. Depp is an idiot, obviously, for marrying the little tart, and for being so egotistical he actually believed she was in love with anything other than his money, fame and influence. Not having a pre-nup is on him, and he is a moron, full stop. Depp is no innocent, fleeced victim here, is what I’m saying. He was a fool, and he will pay for that. But Heard isn’t innocent here either. Far from it. She is going to waltz off with millions of dollars she didn’t earn and is not entitled to by any sane definition of marriage. After 15 months, what exactly did she contribute to that wealth? She suckered a rich man into marrying her, whispered the sweet nothings she needed to whisper to cash in, and he fell for it.
That’s on him. 100%
But why the fuck should those millions be free? Why should Heard get to rape Depp’s bank account and tarnish his reputation and future earning potential and cast him as the monster?
Depp was a fool and fell for a beautiful face, as many man have done before him. He will pay for that foolishness to the tune of possibly $20 million dollars. And Heard?
All it cost her was a light bash across the face that scarcely even bruised her.
$20M for a little redness that disappeared two days later?
I’d take it.
And obviously, so would Heard.
Nice work, if you can get it.
Lots of love,