Women, it is said, are equal to men in every way and all differences are merely the product of socialization. Performance standards are social constructs designed to deliberately impede women from fulfilling their desires to be fire-fighters, officers in the Marine Corps and oil rig workers. Oh wait, never mind about the oil rig workers. That’s icky. Men can have that job. If women can’t meet performance standards, well, lower them dammit! They’re not bona fide occupational qualifications after all. I mean really, why on earth does a firefighter need to be able to run up a ladder wearing 50 pounds of gear carrying a 100 pound hose and then come back down with a 250 weight over her shoulder?
What sexist nonsense, amirite?
The NYFD intends to lower standards so women can become firefighters, and I propose the following city by-law: all private residences must prominently display a bright red F if anyone in the home identifies as a feminist. That way, the fire department can dispatch these new lady firefighters should a blaze break out. We’ll see how much feminists enjoy the social construction of physical differences then.
How curious that when it comes to the subject of professional athletics, the feminists fall dead silent on the construction of social differences. All of a sudden, strict segregation of the sexes is required, because women just aren’t as fast and strong as men. If the Olympics were made gender neutral, the number of women competing would be reduced to … three? The sharpshooting categories and maybe archery? Wanna go head to head with the lads? Kiss all those gold medals goodbye.
Just how big are the differences?
I was a competitive swimmer in my younger years, so let’s take the gold standard for swimming, the 50m free. In the 2012 Olympic Games the top 5 men finished with the following times:
The women’s 50 m free?
Oh, snap. The fastest woman was nearly 3 seconds slower than the fastest man. In fact, the guy who came 37th in the men’s heat more or less tied the fastest woman, with 24.09. The three fastest teenage boys are faster than the world’s fastest women, clocking in with 22.14, 22.19 and 22.22. Damn ladies. So sorry about the social construction of time! It’s a real bitch! And none of you can swim faster than a 15 year old from Australia. Boo hoo, so sad, too bad.
Behave yourselves, ladies and gentlemen who appreciate gentlemen. He’s underage. And he wipes the pool deck with the best women in the world.
I was never very good at the 50m free – my events were the 100 and 200m….let me back up a bit. I started swimming competitively when I was 6 years old, and became more serious about it around 13 or 14, training 4 hrs a day with a great team that was well known in Canada for producing some terrific swimmers. I was a late bloomer, physically, but I bloomed eventually. Into a 36C. I’m 5’6, so I can carry it without looking too ridiculous, but Speedo fastskins leave little to the imagination and can you guess what stroke I swam?
I suppose in today’s environment, those jokes would be considered harassment. Swimmers tend to be long and lean, so a prominent bust was unusual to begin with, and of course, I would be a breaststroker. Of course.
Honestly, it didn’t bother me that much, and it certainly never felt like harassment. It was funny, legit! Swimmer with big tits (for a swimmer) swims breast stroke. Of course she does. I gave up swimming when I went away to college. I wasn’t fast enough for varsity and my heart wasn’t exactly broken. I had lots of other more interesting things to do at college, including playing a drunk whore in Henry IV Part II, which was so much fun! I was also a foot soldier in the battle scene and got to learn how to fight with a quarterstaff. Also tons of fun! I have no regrets.
A story from yesterday’s Daily Mail prompted these recollections, about Wimbledon, the heat wave sweeping Britain right now, and women. Professional tennis is a highly paid sport that rewards women and men more or less equally. The winner of the 2015 Wimbledon will take home almost $3M USD!
That’s a lot of coin to chase a ball around. There is no simple stat like “time” to evaluate the performance of men and women for comparison, like there is in swimming, but it’s reasonable to assume that just like in every other sport, if men and women went head to head, every bloody dime would be heading for the pockets of men. Only the strict segregation of men and women permits some women to make a living playing tennis.
Wimbledon appears to agree, too. Women are indulged with tennis. They get to play weaker opponents (other women) because they’re, well, weaker. How weak?
Did I mention the heatwave? Temperatures soaring into the 80s (35C) ! Yes, for England, that is a heat wave, and no matter where you are, really, that’s an uncomfortable temperature to be doing strenuous physical exercise in (except Australia – that’s practically winter in Australia). So Wimbledon has seen fit to allow players to take ‘heat breaks’, if the players have a vagina, that is. Players with a penis can suck it up, keep playing and may the best penis win.
Two important considerations here: first of all, isn’t this sexism? Yep, and Wimbledon is being called out for it, too.
As the blazing sun beats down on Wimbledon, spare a thought for the men as they sweat it out on court.
Because they will have to carry on with their matches however hot it is – while the women can take a break to cool off.
The Women’s Tennis Association says that ladies playing singles matches should be allowed a ten-minute break if it becomes unbearably hot on court.
The cooling-off period should take place between the second and third set when the heat stress index – a measure which takes into account air temperature, humidity and surface temperature – is at or above 30.1C (86F).
However, the men’s game has no equivalent rule – and the All England Club is under no obligation to create one.
Asked why there was no heat break for men, a spokesman said the decision was in the hands of the separate governing bodies of men’s and women’s tennis.
Women and men have received equal pay at Wimbledon since 2007, even though the women play only best-of-three-set matches compared to the men’s five.
Oh well, that all seems really reasonable and fair, doesn’t it? Women get the same money to play fewer sets under less harsh conditions. Can anyone else say bullshit? But there is a silver lining here, gentlemen. As we know from Caitlyn Jenner, one does not need to have a vagina to be a woman. Indeed, one can have a penis and be considered a woman, full stop.
Are you with me?
Three million dollars is up for grabs for the first man who dons a cute white tennis dress, declares his name to be Stephanie instead of Steve, and gets a French manicure! This is a goldmine, dudes! Every Olympic medal, every athletic prize, every dollar paid to women athletes can all be transferred into the pockets of men willing to hit the nail salon, the name change bureau and the ladies section of SportCheck!
Gender, after all, is just a social construction, right? So why not get paid?
The money is there, men, all yours for the taking!
Have at it. I’ll watch the shit out of that match.
Lots of love,