Should a woman in a bikini expect to be taken seriously? No, dipshit. She should not. Neither should a man in a thong.

22 Aug

Thong alert:  some images may be NSFW

Trigger Warning:  Image of Amanda Marcotte


This is Jessica Rey.  Among other things, she is a swimsuit designer and her website features the catchphrase “Who Says It Has To Be Itty Bitty?”. Her swimsuits look like this:

rey 1

rey 2

rey 3

They’re so cute!  They’re also mostly sold out.

I imagine there are many reasons some women prefer one-piece swimsuits over the itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini kind, but Jessica has a pretty specific reason for offering women her stylish and more modest designs.  Jessica, you see, appears to believe that women who dislike being treated like gobs of walking meat should perhaps consider not presenting themselves as gobs of, well, walking meat.

Oh, Jessica, you silly little goose!  I mean really now.  Come on.  That’s too ridiculous! What a riot!  Who believes that?  Who actually thinks there is some sort of relationship between what you wear and how you are perceived?


Not Amanda Marcotte.  Oh, I know. She doesn’t like thongs and yoga pants, but that was AGES ago!  Thongs are out, bikinis are in!  It’s fashion, people.  These things tend to change, and opinions change with them.

Both Jessica and Katelyn Beaty think that if women want to be taken seriously they should consider dressing to reflect that desire.

Here, there is freedom for individual women to practice modesty not primarily to preserve men’s sexual purity, but to preserve their own dignity. To show in outward form the inward truth that they matter to society for their minds, their leadership, their passions, and their talents—talents that have nothing to do with how many heads they can turn. Modesty can become a form of female power.

Rather than debate the efficacy of modesty, which I really don’t care about, let’s talk about how these standards apply to ALL THE HUMANS.  Oh, I can hear you sighing already.  We have to talk about ALL the humans?  Even the boy ones?  Again?


Amanda says:

The mere fact that women’s modesty is constantly being debated is evidence enough that women aren’t yet equal. If we want women “to be taken seriously,” we should, umm, take them seriously, and stop linking dignity to fabric.

Well, props to Amanda for getting at least one thing right.  When it comes to dressing with dignity, women are definitely NOT equal to men.  They are way, way beneath them, and ladies like Amanda would like to keep them there.

Of course, that’s just a generalization.  Men can fail at the whole dignity thing, too, and when they do, feminists will be first in line to mock them.

Pop Quiz for Men: have you ever taken surreptitious shots of women’s assets when you are out and about in public spaces?


You fucking creep.  You’ve probably never been laid.  You live in your mother’s basement, don’t you? You’re a disgusting pervert and you should be arrested for violating…. …. Well, I don’t know what, but SOMETHING!  And one guy actually was.

Thanks to a tip from a group of anonymous Redditors who are sick of seeing the CreepShots community gleefully post teen upskirt photo after teen upskirt photo while telling the “internet morality police” to “fuck off” and stop ruining their fun.

Pop Quiz For Jezebel:  Have you ever published shots of men’s assets, taken without their knowledge or consent, either to drool over them or mock them?



Ha ha ha! You rock, Jezebel!  That is so funny and edgy and cool and look at those two penises!  I love your double standards! They’re so …. hypocritical?


So let’s talk about appropriate attire, double standards and the art of being taken seriously.  I’ll preface everything I am saying with the caveat that I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU WEAR, but I do expect you to own your choices.  You don’t get to dress in a deliberately provocative manner and then scream when you provoke a reaction.  Whatever that reaction happens to be.

You want to wear this?


Go right ahead.  At your all white sorority, it’s probably a screaming riot.  Go out in public, and expect to get your ass whooped, and justifiably so. Boo hoo. Consequences.

There is a very simple reason women are disproportionately treated as sex objects while men are not:  women are far more likely to ACT AND DRESS LIKE SEX OBJECTS. When you dress in a manner that puts your sexuality front and center, expect to be treated as if your sexuality is your defining feature.  YOU ARE THE ONE DEFINING IT.

Sorry, lots of all ALLCAPS screaming today, but whether or not a woman is perceived as being sexual first and foremost depends on what she is wearing and how she presents herself AND THE SAME FUCKING STANDARDS APPLY TO MEN.

Oh hello, doctor!

sexy doctor

Chef Wowza!  How ya doing?

A man in a chefs outfit with a rose in his mouth

Ooh, officer.  Is that a gun in your holster or are you just happy to see me?


You can frame my walls, baby.


Oh, dude.  No.  Just put it away.


Men can show up at work in any of these outfits.  They are incredibly unlikely to do so, and if they do, you can be pretty sure they will be fired on the spot.  In the dubious event they are actually permitted to do their jobs, who thinks they will be treated with gravity, dignity and respect?

Women who go to work wearing this:

women sleeveless

Will get all the same respect as a man wearing this:

men sleeveless

This mechanic can work on my car:


So can this one:

girl mechanic

Both of them will remain in my mind as meat because their chosen attire has requested that I see them as human meat for my viewing pleasure.

This mechanic doesn’t want to viewed as a walking sex toy.

mech 1

Neither does this one:

mech 2

Only one of the four mechanics above is likely to scream and thrash and cry that she is being objectified and denied her humanity and sexualized.

It mystifies me.  It really does.  What is the point of wearing clothing and accessories deliberately designed to enhance your sexuality and then screaming that the only thing anyone ever values you for is your sexuality?

The honest truth is that UNLESS you consciously and knowingly put forth your sexuality as the aspect of yourself you most want people to see and value, they won’t!  Men, for example, notice a woman’s EYES AND SMILE long before they notice her rack.  Unless she’s shoved her puppies into a push-up bra and left her shirt half undone.


Women, too, will notice a man’s EYES AND SMILES before they check out his height and they will almost never notice his package because men TEND NOT TO DISPLAY THEIR DICKS overtly.

You can be sure if crotch cleavage ever becomes popular, women’s eyes will be traveling to the crotch area pretty rapidly.


Crotch cleavage will NOT becoming a trend anytime soon. Know why?  Because it’s ridiculous. Absurd.  Stupid.  It invites people to dismiss the man displaying his MagicJohnson as an idiot.  Someone not really worthy of respect or admiration.  Really?  Your dick?  That’s what you have to offer?  That’s how you want to be defined?

How is it that men seem to get this, while women do not.  If you dress to emphasize your sexuality you are implying that your sexuality is what you have to offer.  Not your skills, or talents or passions or even your conscientiousness.  Put your tits front and center, and you will be valued for your tits AT YOUR OWN REQUEST.


If you want to wear a bikini at the beach, go right ahead.  Wear it anywhere you like.  But understand that walking around virtually naked is not going to lend any help if your goal is to be taken seriously.  As if you have something to contribute other than your ass.  Assuming of course, you DO have something other than that to offer.

Men at the beach wearing this can expect a certain reaction.

Businessman Promote New Mobile Phone Network on The Serpentine

It’s unlikely to involve respect.  Is there a man alive who doesn’t understand that?  Show up at the office pool party wearing this:

man thong

And you have just blown your career straight to hell.  Unless you’re an underwear model. Or a porn star.  And ladies, show up at the office pool party in a string bikini, and expect the exact same response.

The alternative is NOT a burkha.  Bullshit.  Jessica Rey has provided lots of alternatives.  The world is full of alternatives.  All it takes is for women to understand that what you wear CAN and WILL have an effect on those around you.  Not all those effects will be positive.

Sexuality at work is a powerful thing. No doubt about it.  But ladies, if you are going to wield that sword for your benefit, understand the blade cuts both ways.

Now go put some fucking clothes on.

Lots of love,


25 Responses to “Should a woman in a bikini expect to be taken seriously? No, dipshit. She should not. Neither should a man in a thong.”

  1. Swithunus August 22, 2013 at 13:58 #

    Loved the article JB

    It mystifies me. It really does. What is the point of wearing clothing and accessories deliberately designed to enhance your sexuality and then screaming that the only thing anyone ever values you for is your sexuality?

    This is usually explained as her wanting only the attractive men to notice her attire, betas and other loser-ickies are mini-raping her if they even glance at her puppies etc.

    SNL skit – Be attractive, Don’t be unattractive – same behaviour by different people gives different results in her hamster hind-brain = patriarchy / objectification (by the wrong guy)

    What happened to Ol’ Manjaw? She must have been travelling at one hell of a rate at impact. Great news for Manda is that my reaction to seeing her picture is no longer ‘shame about the man-jaw’, now it’s more ‘who’s the old broad with the hamster cheeks?’

  2. Sterling August 22, 2013 at 15:07 #

    Great advice for young women looking to raise a family :D

  3. freetofish August 22, 2013 at 15:42 #

    It all goes back to the feminist utopia of all the privilege, none of the responsibility.

  4. Just Saying August 22, 2013 at 15:43 #

    I’ve always found it interesting, that the saying “clothes make the man” is universally accepted as true – and why? Because it is… But what a woman wears isn’t supposed to matter. She shows off her tits, and I’m not supposed to notice you are showing them to get attention. I’m supposed to be a Eunuch… I’m not – you show them, I enjoy looking and what are you? A nice pair of knockers. You show your best assets… If you want me to value you for your intelligence, don’t show your tits – you are telling me, “Hey LOOK! I’m proud of this rack!” That is why you show them..

    It really isn’t rocket science – it’s simple advertising. You are advertising. If you don’t want me to enjoy your tits – stop advertising them as your best asset. I may not say it – but that is what you are to me. It’s a polite fiction that I’m not noticing them – I am… And you are politely acting like you aren’t aware of the fact that you are showing me your tits and I’m enjoying them….

    But in reality? If you don’t want me to enjoy your tits and say, “Hey, she’s got a great Rack! To my friend Joe, stop showing them off…” It isn’t rocket science ladies.. It really isn’t difficult to grasp – of course, you’re showing your tits for a reason… It’s because you aren’t that bright, and they ARE your BEST feature…

  5. Emma the Emo August 22, 2013 at 16:44 #

    I agree with the main point of your post. However, allow me to nitpick, this thing is not quite right:

    “There is a very simple reason women are disproportionately treated as sex objects while men are not: women are far more likely to ACT AND DRESS LIKE SEX OBJECTS. When you dress in a manner that puts your sexuality front and center, expect to be treated as if your sexuality is your defining feature. YOU ARE THE ONE DEFINING IT.”

    Women are more likely to be treated as sex objects, because biologically they are the sex objects. Each society reacts to it in its own way. I think this is why they make women cover up extensively in some societies.

    But a woman can still affect how she is treated by dressing differently.

    • Cadders August 22, 2013 at 20:46 #


      JB, I think the piece you have overlooked here is that at the most basic level women are sex objects to men and men are status objects to women.

      In the past, women’s sexuality was restricted by society’s mores and customs whilst men’s status was artificially inflated (at the price of obligations that women never had to shoulder). This had the happy consequence of satisfying the hypergamous instincts of women (i.e. a large pool of ‘high’ status men that could trigger the tingle). But as a by-product, it also forced women to develop the skills and character that would make them attractive to a man, as they could not rely solely on their sexuality. It forced men to live up the obligations that they were expected to fulfill. Which is a long winded way of saying it forced women to be feminine and men to be masculine. Neither of which involved dressing like a tart / man-whore.

      The irony is that as feminism has unpicked the old system in it’s drive to ‘lift up’ women, it has left them with nothing but their sexuality in order to attract a man. Young women don’t know how to be feminine. They simply do not understand how intoxicating a slim, modestly dressed, cheerful, capable and supportive women is to most men.
      It is feminism has worked to reduce women to sex objects.

      To be fair a lot of young men no longer know how to be masculine either, but they have not fallen so far because 1) they have not been so enabled and 2) they still, pretty much, retain the old obligations.

  6. Exfernal August 22, 2013 at 17:54 #

    In not so many words “Dress to impress”, isn’t it?

  7. The_Other_Steve August 22, 2013 at 18:26 #

    Actually, back in the days when I framed houses, cut off jeans and work boots with socks was the “uniform” everyone wore. Then again, we were on a development site where there was no public traffic. In more populated areas, a t-shirt, with or without sleeves, would be added. We dressed for comfort, as it could get terribly hot out there in the Summer.

  8. S.C.O.R.C.H.™ (@_Scorch_) August 22, 2013 at 18:39 #

    If you dress to emphasize your sexuality you are implying that your sexuality is what you have to offer. Not your skills, or talents or passions or even your conscientiousness. Put your tits front and center, and you will be valued for your tits AT YOUR OWN REQUEST.
    Pretty much this statement has made my whole day with its simplicity and honesty.

  9. tmlutas August 22, 2013 at 19:33 #

    Don’t be too sure about crotch cleavage. You might want to ponder the attempted fashion atrocity that is mantyhose. If it ever catches on, I’m bringing back the codpiece. If men ever decide that we’re going to get ridiculous on fashion, do the full dada.

    • judgybitch August 22, 2013 at 19:41 #

      I’m kinda … wow!

      Not sure how I feel about this….


      • Alex August 26, 2013 at 05:38 #

        those are a bad idea simply on the basis of ball health. a man’s balls are not meant to scrunched up like, they need some swing. maybe all the tight clothes is the reason why we have so many idiots today, not enough healthy sperm!

  10. Dire Badger August 22, 2013 at 19:55 #

    Well, I am certainly never going gay now.

  11. LostSailor August 22, 2013 at 20:20 #

    Should a woman in a bikini expect to be taken seriously? No…

    Um, I don’t know if I agree with this.

    I take attractive women in bikinis very seriously…

  12. Modern Drummer August 22, 2013 at 22:51 #

    As feminism has continued to erase the the differences between the sexes,women show more of their lady parts to differentiate themselves. I know this isn’t the only reason they do it,but I think it is one of them.

  13. Marlo Rocci August 23, 2013 at 01:49 #

    I could make crotch cleavage work.

  14. Kendall August 23, 2013 at 02:51 #

    A good few years back I remember seeing a feminist “experiment” in Britain where a model walked around a highstreet in high heels and a skin tight minidress that barely covered her butt. The feminist “researchers” followed along, secretly filming any men who turned to look at her as she passed.

    That oh-so-surprising male reaction to a sexy woman in a skimpy outfit was used as evidence of how women are oppressed and objectified by the “male gaze”. As if a man wearing nothing but boxer shorts wouldn’t get some glances as he walked down the street…

  15. Spaniard August 23, 2013 at 12:43 #

    Most of women (attractive women) they are promoted in the companys by speading her legs to boss. That is fact.

    • Feminism Is A Lie August 23, 2013 at 17:17 #

      And then they accuse the men of sexual assault because NO ONE is allowed to think of her as a sex object. She’s a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man to get far in life and she should be respected for her intelligence. Obviously.

  16. Spaniard August 23, 2013 at 12:43 #


  17. Goober August 23, 2013 at 18:37 #

    Given nothing else to work with, my preliminary assessment of an individual always includes grooming and state of dress.

    Until I get more to work with, I have to assume that a guy who dresses like a slob is a slob, a guy who dresses like he cares, cares, and a dude who overdresses for every occasion is LLC flash and no substance.
    I’m wrong a good portion of the time, but when its all you’ve got to work with, you work with what you’ve got.

    So what am I to assume about a woman who displays her assets? You play to strengths. So in a flash, “first impression ” situation, I have to assume that her strength lies in her looks but not elsewhere, until proven otherwise. ot.

    • Goober August 23, 2013 at 18:44 #

      Don’t get me wrong – I’ve nothing against women dressing sexily or provocatively, just not necessarily in a professional setting.

      Outside of work, go to town with the skimpy bikinis all you want – you aren’t in a professional setting, and you aren’t trying to convince anyone else of your intellect of professional ability there – you’re just being you. Just like me outside of work – I’ve been known to dress like a total slob on the weekends.

      I’m only saying what I said above to women in a professional setting: if you come into a project meeting with your stuff hanging out, I can only assume that is all you’ve got, and I’ll probably continue to think that way until you prove differently. If you want to be taken seriously, there are all sorts of very beautiful, very feminine styles out there that don’t involve showing off your T&A. And I’m not discriminating here, either. A guy coming into the meeting inappropriately dressed will get a similar assumption. I worked with some government guys that would come to project meetings in dirty jeans (they had desk jobs), t-shirts, tennis shoes, and trucker hats with their guts hanging out of their shirts and over their belts. They looked like slobs. Turns out that they were slobs. Amazingly enough.

      • Feminism Is A Lie August 24, 2013 at 10:00 #

        The way you present yourself at work also promotes the company itself, so you HAVE to look professionally presented if you want your business to be taken seriously. You also have to be work-appropriate. If you’re working for a fashion company, for example, no one will take you seriously if you’ve no fashion sense. If you’re working around a bunch of guys in I.T., then it’s probably best to lay off the runway inspired looks if you want to be taken seriously for what you can bring to the company. Don’t invade an established work space, with its established rules and then expect to be catered to because you haven’t learnt to follow rules or you don’t know how to become a successful part of a team.

  18. Passerby September 29, 2013 at 16:51 #

    Random, but I love these Ester Williams swimsuits ( It’s just a heck of a lot more flattering than letting everything all hang out.

  19. Erik Norén November 23, 2013 at 02:08 #

    Personally i wouldn’t be taking a woman in a onepiece more serious than one in a bikini. She would simply be put in the “prude” section. But then i’ve come to see women wearing onepiece swimmingsuit as the near equivalent of guys wearing a tshirt while bathing. Maybe i’m desensitized. And i would definitelly take a woman in leopardprint more serious than a man.

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