Drunk sex is NOT rape

21 Aug

Well, the avuncular Dr. Phil has found himself enmeshed in the quite the controversy, following his Twitter question about whether or not having sex while drunk is okay.

tweet

The Professional Victim Brigade ™ and Purveyors of Rape Culture and Other Guaranteed Snake Oil Cures ™ were all over him, demonstrating their outstanding grasp of logic, rhetoric and just straight up mastery of the English language by interpreting Dr. Phil’s question as IS IT OKAY TO RAPE WOMEN?  Which is obviously the same thing as asking whether having sex while drunk is okay.

drinks

Alcohol + Sex = Rape

Oh, I suppose this is when I should mention that it’s only rape if the WOMAN is drunk.  Men can’t get drunk, so obviously, they can’t be raped.  Wait, no.  That’s wrong.  Men can’t get erect when they’re drunk and if they CAN, then obviously, they totally wanted it!  No rape!  Actually that might be wrong, too.  Men can’t escape their legal responsibilities no matter how drunk they are, so they can’t be raped.  Crap.  I’m not sure how it’s supposed to work, but just go with me on this one.

It’s only rape if SHE is drunk.

Let’s try an analogy to sort this out.

Yoo hoo!  Lost Sailor!  Where are you?  Come and play for a second.

So me and Lost Sailor decide to hit up a vineyard for some wine-tasting.  It’s out of the way, we’re driving and we both plan on sampling a whole lot of grape!

wine

The Cab-Sav is okay.  Maybe a bit too much like jam and not enough like blood.  The Merlot is much better. Oooh, look.  18 varieties of Merlot!  We’ll try them all!

wine 2

By the time the Shiraz is down and the Zin is beckoning, we are both well and truly trashed.  And having a great time!  It’s what we went there to do, for god’s sake!  The whole point of wine-tasting is to taste wine!

sunset

Now Lost Sailor decides we are just crazy to pass up on watching the sunset at that sweet little look-out spot we cruised by on our way up to the vineyard.  I enthusiastically agree!  So we both stagger to the car, and off we go!

Oh dear.

crash

Lost Sailor is fucked.  He has no defense.  He was drunk, he willingly got behind the wheel of the car and he made the decision to put it in gear and drive.  He will now own those decisions.  He’s up on a drunk driving charge.

But wait!  What about meeeeeeee? I hurt my foot and broke a nail.  It could have been much worse.  I want Lost Sailor charged with attempted murder.  I was way too drunk to understand that A) Lost Sailor was drunk, too; and B) I was way too drunk to consent to riding in a car with a drunk driver.

He could have killed me!  He almost did!  By the very act of driving, no matter how enthusiastic I was about the sunset, he ATTEMPTED TO KILL ME.

sulk

He needs to be held responsible for that. It’s not a crime for me to sit in the passenger seat.  What crime have I committed?  I went to a wine-tasting.  No crime there.  I had a LOT of wine.  No crime there. I wanted to see the sunset.  Still no crime. I got in the car.  I even PUT MY SEATBELT on. Not even the hint of a crime.

But he crashed the car, fucked up my manicure and endangered my precious life.

Attempted murder.  Along with the drunk driving charge.

This is essentially the argument Rape Culture Vultures are making when they insist that drunk women cannot consent to sex, and that no matter how enthusiastically they participated at the moment, they cannot be held responsible for their decisions.

The men most certainly will be NO MATTER HOW DRUNK THEY HAPPEN TO BE. Drive a car while drunk?  You will face the consequences.  Get in a stupid fist fight while drunk? You will face the consequences.  Forget to pay for your bar tab because you are drunk?  You will face the consequences.  Have sex with an equally drunk woman?  You will face the consequences.  You will accept all the responsibility for your OWN actions, and for hers as well.

baby

This is what I mean when I say Rape Culture infantilizes women.  The idea that women cannot consent to sex while drunk robs them of agency, responsibility, accountability and obviously, equal treatment before the law.

drunk

drunk 2

Can we make a distinction between drunk and totally obliterated?  That’s almost too stupid to even address.  Comatose is fairly easy to distinguish from silly, dancing drunk girl. No one gets to have sex with people who are passed out.  The only people who actually need to be informed of that don’t give a shit.  Why not?  Because they’re RAPISTS.  There aren’t a whole lot of them, but you can bet your ass they don’t give a shit what the rules are.  Not caring about the rules is what makes them CRIMINALS.

Campaigns to inform the sweeping majority of men who are NOT RAPISTS that they should remember not to rape anybody are insulting, degrading and calculated to inspire fear from women and self-loathing from men.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/07/11/dont-be-that-guy-lets-talk-about-those-rape-posters/

Dr.Phil has a legitimate question:  is it okay to have sex with a girl who is drunk?

Define drunk, first of all.

breath

Is it okay to drive a car while drunk? The answer to that requires a LEGAL definition of drunk.  The mere fact that you have consumed alcohol does NOT mean you can’t drive.  The amount of alcohol in your bloodstream determines whether you can drive or not. So sometimes, YES, you can drive a car while drunk.

Can you have sex with a girl when she is drunk?

Under the law, actually, you can’t.  Drunk women are children, remember, and cannot consent, no matter how enthusiastic they are at the time.  They can charge you with rape. The courts are curiously reluctant to CONVICT men based only on an allegation, and still seem to think that whole “presumption of innocence” thing is important.

justice

But it doesn’t matter.  Just a CHARGE is enough to destroy a man.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2348532/The-woman-accused-stranger-Facebook-rape–ruined-victims-life.html

If we treated women like grown-ups, capable of making decisions and facing the repercussions, no matter how distasteful and unpleasant they may be, the answer to Dr.Phil’s question would be pretty straight forward.

Is it okay to have sex with a drunk girl?

flirting

Is she into it?

Is she receptive to your advances?

Is she making her own advances?

Is she taking off her clothes?

Is she taking off your clothes?

Is she an adult capable of deciding where, when and with whom she would like to have sex?

Party on, young ‘uns!

Just remember, while sex is great good fun, if she ends up pregnant, you are the one who will be fucked.

http://judgybitch.com/2013/07/08/are-you-having-sex-with-a-fertile-woman-would-you-like-to-avoid-a-little-bundle-of-puking-joy-are-you-trusting-her-with-birth-control-well-im-sorry-but-you-sir-are-an-idiot/

Condoms, lads.  Use them.  And bring your own!

condoms

Lots of love,

JB

40 Responses to “Drunk sex is NOT rape”

  1. Julie June 25, 2014 at 16:22 #

    I agree with everything said in this article. If a woman can’t legally consent to sex if she’s drunk, then why can a man? If you want to get technical about it, they both should face charges. Not just the man. This mentality infantizes women.

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