Ladies, you can wear anything you like. Except yoga pants. And quit with the thongs, you porny whores!

27 Mar

Hey, remember this?  It’s Amanda Marcotte (Again! Sheesh!) arguing that it’s perfectly fine for girls to go to school in skirts so short their underwear is visible, and if boys find that distracting, well screw them!

http://judgybitch.com/2013/02/16/schrodingers-slut-or-why-it-matters-what-you-wear/

Ladies can wear whatever they please, whenever they please! Oh, except for all you ladies wearing yoga pants and thongs.  You whores can go and get changed right now!

            yoga

It’s no surprise that much of the press is having a bit of fun with the story about Lululemon recalling a bunch of wildly overpriced yoga pants because you can see everything the good Lord gave yuppie housewives when they bend over in them.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/03/25/lululemon_s_see_through_pants_reveal_how_many_women_wear_thongs_to_exercise.html

lulu

Okay, first of all, Lululemon yoga pants are frigging awesome and they are not overpriced.  My $100 underwonders have lasted ten years and they are still going strong. That works out to $10/year for workout gear, which is incredibly reasonable.

Secondly, yuppie housewives?  Really?  Because the only people who do yoga are yuppie housewives?  I guess that explains the popularity of weekend and evening classes at most studios.

It’s not really the yuppie housewives or even the sheerness of the yoga pants that gets Amanda’s panties in a knot:  it’s the other ladies panties that concern her:

What kind of sexualized hell are these poor women living in that they can’t even give up porn-compliant underwear in order to keep their bodies lean and toned for future thong-wearing situations? I was under the impression that yoga was supposed to be a healthful activity, and yet here women are, contorting their bodies in a strap of fabric made to respond by straining painfully at your most sensitive bits. Yoga is supposed to be relaxing, and not reminiscent of a visit to the proctologist.

Amanda, honey, your thong is too small.  I know, I know.  But it happens.  Sometimes ladies asses get BIGGER, especially if they’re not too fond of exercise, and then you need to get panties that are a bit bigger, too.  I’m not sure what you’re doing if your thong ends up so far up your ass you’re reminded of a visit to the proctologist, but whatever it is, you’re doing it wrong.

This could explain a lot of Amanda’s previous articles, no?

wedgie

It’s interesting that she thinks women wear thongs to be porn compliant and are therefore living in a sexualized hell.  There are a number of reasons a woman might choose to wear a thong, and I’m thinking that being ready to strip off at a moment’s notice and shoot a porn video isn’t one of them.  I personally, don’t run into many porn sets in the grocery store, but maybe I’m just not looking hard enough?

grocery

I have a confession to make:  as far as the ladies be loving fashion truism goes, I’m a big fail.  I have pretty much zero interest in fashion, and I hate shopping for clothes.  In our house, we have three relatively large closets and Mr. JB has claimed ALL of them.

closet

He loves his clothes and he is very fussy about them, too.  They are sorted and organized by season and occasion and there are probably a whole bunch of other variables that I don’t understand in the system.  He manages his clothing, so it’s all good for me.

I keep my clothes on a shelf in the laundry room- what in the hell is the point of dragging clothes around the house to rest in drawers?  On any given day you will find me either in a plaid shirt and jeans, or in yoga pants and a t-shirt.

plaid

There are only two items of clothing that I really care about and that I demand complete and total comfort from:  my footwear and my underwear.

ugg

These are my favorite boots:  they were expensive as hell and I absolutely love them.  I simply refuse to wear anything on my feet that is not comfortable.  No heels, ever.  Fuck that.  I don’t care how sexy they are – they hurt!

This is my favorite underwear: this shit is also pretty expensive, although Mr. JB likes shopping for it!

thong

That is the Lacie Thong from Victoria’s Secret and it is the most comfortable underwear I have ever worn.  I have some other undies from VS that offer more coverage, and which pair I choose has a lot to do with whether it’s a jeans or yoga pants day.  Mostly, I’m trying to avoid this:

vpl

Because ewww.  It’s ugly and gross.

My guess is that most of the ladies wearing thongs under their yoga pants are also trying to avoid the visible panty line problem.  They’re not living in a sexualized hell trying to be porn compliant.  That is just stupid.  A proper thong that fits is a very comfortable item of clothing.

Here’s an idea for women who really are this worried about having visible panty lines under your yoga pants: Don’t wear underwear. It’s not like flies or ants are going to get in there if you don’t seal it off tightly.

Don’t wear underwear.  Good suggestion.  It’s always super comfortable to have seams rubbing against bare flesh.  Something tells me Amanda has never done yoga, and certainly not commando.

And that is some pretty disturbing imagery. Flies and ants crawling in vaginas evokes the image of a decaying corpse fairly strongly.  What is it about yoga pants and thongs that has Amanda turning her mind to such macabre thoughts?

dead

Here is my theory:  Amanda hates, absolutely hates that women continue to move through the world as if other people exist.  They parade their bodies in expensive, flattering clothing, and choose underwear based not just on their own comfort, but also to avoid looking awkward or unattractive.

Unattractive to whom?  Well, for most women, who are heterosexual, that would be men.  Feminism has railed for years that women need men like fish need bicycles, but it just can’t seem to effectively address the reality that women may not need men, but that doesn’t stop women from wanting men. Feminists are absolutely correct to target yuppie housewives as a dire threat to their decaying  ideology.

housewife

We are.  We are dependent on men, and we reward our men for their dedication and loyalty by staying fit and attractive and strong. We are walking advertisements that men are not the dangerous, abusive, exploitive creatures they are painted as.  We are testimonials to the enduring idea of love.

But we are only one side of the equation.  I absolutely believe that younger women are beginning to see that feminism and an entire generation of older women has peddled them some nasty lies.  Turns out that fish absolutely need bicycles, and it’s awfully hard to catch fish without bait.

Look at this article at Jezebel, discussing what the word “curvy” means in relation to a woman’s body.  Jezebel thinks all women have curves, and that it’s fine to use the word “curvy” to describe “fat” in a more socially appropriate way.  But curvy doesn’t mean fat.  It’s a reference to a woman’s waist-to-hip ratio, which predicts fairly accurately, across all cultures, whether men find them attractive or not.

kate

http://jezebel.com/5967930/every-single-woman-in-america-is-now-curvy-+-and-thats-a-good-thing

Biology. Always. Wins.

crossroads

We are at a crossroads in our culture right now, I think.  Women are beginning to understand that feminism has destroyed the relationship between men and women by asserting the supremacy of the female and insisting that masculinity is dangerous and threatening and must be eradicated, leading women to fear and hate men (who act like men).

Restoring the balance between the masculine and the feminine will not be easy, though.  Feminism has given women some undeniable advantages and it’s hard to give up privileges once you have them.  That’s just human nature. But we’ve done it before, as a culture, and we can do it again.

Ladies in thongs and yoga pants are part of the vanguard movement:  by asserting their femininity, they make room for masculinity, whether intentionally or not. Yuppie housewives, dependent on men, raising their own children and keeping their asses toned and lean are advertisements that men CAN be depended upon, and CAN be trusted, and that the price to be dependent is actually rather easy to pay.

Now we just need to reassure men that women are worth trusting again, too.  The only way to do that is by actually being trustworthy.  It starts by demonstrating that you care about the other people who inhabit the world with you.

pants

Don’t subject them to your panty lines when you’re wearing yoga pants.  For the love of god, wear a thong!

Lots of love,

JB

44 Responses to “Ladies, you can wear anything you like. Except yoga pants. And quit with the thongs, you porny whores!”

  1. tarzanwannabe March 27, 2013 at 14:26 #

    I deeply appreciate your sentiment regarding all things yoga-panted! :)

  2. Alex March 27, 2013 at 14:30 #

    if anything, what amanada has stated as acceptable looks more like a sexualized hell than things and yoga pants. i’m thinking she’s the yuppie here

  3. Kai March 27, 2013 at 15:58 #

    Have ‘we’ as a culture given up privileges before. Or did men give them up?
    In previous instances where a privileged group has stepped down from its options, how many of them have required serious giving up by women, and in those cases, how much did women voluntarily give up, and how much did they grudgingly accept once they saw they had no choice?

  4. sqt March 27, 2013 at 16:44 #

    Thanks for the underwear recommendation. I’ve been looking for a good thong to wear…

    • judgybitch March 27, 2013 at 16:50 #

      They are the best. 3/$33

      Not even that expensive!

      • sqt March 27, 2013 at 18:34 #

        We have VS at the local mall– I will be stopping in soon. My husband will also be appreciative I’m sure. :)

      • Spiralina August 20, 2013 at 17:58 #

        The Lacie is so amazing! They come in all different colours like candy, they’re insanely comfortable, and men find them SUPER SEXY (ok, I only have a sample population of one, but my husband literally remarks on them every time I undress: “oh wow, you’re wearing a sexy little thong!” Yes dear, I wear them every day.)

        People like Marcotte will fight tooth and nail for women to have the power to choose their own appearance…unless they want to look conventionally attractive. Those women are the enemey. Feminism is unattractive Western women who have more privilege than 99% of the rest of the global female population, but are pissed off that they’ll never get the extra validation that comes with beauty. So rather than making an effort to be beautiful themselves, they’d rather tear down the women who do. This is normal for people who’ve never had to work hard at anything in their lives and don’t really understand the concept. #SolidarityIsForUglyWomen

  5. LJBiFed! March 27, 2013 at 17:15 #

    I don’t see what the big deal is about panty lines. Also, there are full coverage undies that are seamless or show no lines if they are worried about panty lines showing. Thongs aren’t the only things out there that can do this. Moreover they could just go totally underwearless altogether and that solves all problems.

    And what they are doing is not yoga anyway.

  6. scatmaster March 27, 2013 at 17:39 #

    Jezebel thinks all women have curves, and that it’s fine to use the word “curvy” to describe “fat” in a more socially appropriate way. But curvy doesn’t mean fat. It’s a reference to a woman’s waist-to-hip ratio, which predicts fairly accurately, across all cultures, whether men find them attractive or not.

    http://i.imgur.com/a5eSg07.png

    NSFW

    • judgybitch March 27, 2013 at 17:48 #

      Yikes!

      That’s more like “hilly”!

    • LostSailor March 27, 2013 at 20:43 #

      I’d go with mountainous. And waist-to-hip ratio that can be expressed as a percentage greater than 100% is not “curvy,” it’s obese…

  7. LJBiFed! March 27, 2013 at 18:31 #

    Vivica A Fox and pre-pregnancy Kim Kardashian are curvy.

  8. Andy March 27, 2013 at 18:46 #

    Manjaw is gonna manjaw.
    Frustrated lesbobo.

  9. LostSailor March 27, 2013 at 20:46 #

    I’m a big fan of both thongs and yoga pants. On women. But then again, living in NYC the women who wear them are usually always quite fit and toned. And add greatly to the visual landscape. Which, of course, is why Mandy must rage about them and try to get them eliminated from the face of the Earth. I am fortunate that Mandy lives in Brooklyn so there’s little chance of running into her man-jawed self…

  10. Stingray March 27, 2013 at 21:12 #

    In order to be curvy a woman must have two curves, not one large curve. That doesn’t count.

    I hate that we lost that word.

    • princesspixiepointless March 27, 2013 at 21:59 #

      agreed. because call a fit woman curvy and you may as well just call her FAT.

      • kleyau March 28, 2013 at 01:08 #

        I’ve always preferred the word voluptuous to curvy.

      • Mark March 28, 2013 at 04:59 #

        Trying to change the meaning of something by reapplying a word never works, of course. It was tried with the word ‘gay’ for homosexuals, and instead of changing perceptions of homosexuals, all it did was change the meaning of the worn gay, which ironically is now used as a pejorative. Handicapped was replaced by disabled. ‘Mentally retarded’ (which really just means ‘delayed,’ nothing inherently pejorative about it; it only became offensive because of the new context of its application) with other terms.

        When they started using curvy to describe overweight, all it does is change the meaning of the word curvy. They could use any word they like, but it won’t change a thing.

        • Ashlyn July 1, 2013 at 02:02 #

          I think linguists call it the euphemism treadmill. We’ll know the negative attitudes have disappeared – if they ever do – when the names stay put.

    • Mik March 28, 2013 at 02:18 #

      Truth. Big diff being curvy and/or voluptous and just fat. Plenty of slim women have curves.

  11. Ruxman March 27, 2013 at 23:30 #

    There’s no chance I’d be able to do school work if I could see a girls panties, luckily I went to a boy’s school, the same would go for yoga pants too cause I’m an ass man. I’m fine with them in public cause it’s eye candy, but if there’s visible panty lining it is a taste of her poor fashion awareness. What annoys me is that feminist who said that it’s a boys problem if he gets distracted if he see’s panties under a skirt, we’re wired to focus on that otherwise there wouldn’t be so many humans here today.

    Men have options, when they get turned on from a woman wearing something revealing, it is likely they’ll ravage their wife a little more. If they’re single like me, it motivates me to go and meet girls at parks or in bars. But when you’re a teen and you see a girl with revealing clothing it gets you down because you know that it’s inaccessible to a large degree it causes some inner frustration. Amanda doesn’t understand that, her ideas are dnagerous to all young males.

    • Mark March 28, 2013 at 04:46 #

      At that age it certainly is distracting, and all the mixed messages of girls objectifying themselves then while everyone yells at the boys not to objectify them can be especially troubling for their social maturation. But it’s not simply a matter of understanding; people like Marcotte simply don’t care; young males, filthy creatures that they are, simply aren’t worth understanding, unless it’s in order to “fix” them.

      This is one reason for single-sex schools. Which feminists oppose on principle of course… except when they make exceptions for special girl-only schools.

      • Kai March 28, 2013 at 20:19 #

        I am opposed to standardized single-sex schooling because I’m female, and would have failed terribly in a girls’ school. I do NOT learn the way most girls do.
        But I’m a big fan of options, and school districts having both single-sex and mixed schools available, as well as different programs, so individual students can find something that works well for their particular needs.

  12. Liz March 28, 2013 at 00:13 #

    Thongs are the most comfortable underwear by far. I wouldn’t like to find out a 100 dollar pair of yoga pants was so sheer it exposed my rear, however.

    VS is one of my least favorite companies, candidly. I think their stuff is all overpriced and the bras don’t fit very well. I prefer Joe Boxer (or even frederick’s of hollywood, as long as it’s cotton, but I haven’t bought underwear from there in a while).

    It took many years for my husband to understand I don’t like the company and prefer something else. For about a decade I received nothing else. Its blandishments are hard to resist…Two or three catalogs per week once you are on that mailing list that a guy can place above the toilet with his other reading materials.

    • sqt March 28, 2013 at 16:01 #

      I have to agree with you on the bras- they are not comfortable at all. But I’ve always liked their underwear.

    • froxxy April 4, 2013 at 05:48 #

      I have a rather… ample chest, and they don’t carry bras in my size. When I was a dumb teen with cash to burn I went there and they crammed me into bras that didn’t fit but convinced me I did. My cup certainly runneth over.

      Though I did really like the underwear.It’s been five years and I still have a few of them.

  13. Steve March 28, 2013 at 01:07 #

    I’d just like to point out that men who take ballet also wear “thongs” under their tights. We don’t call them thongs but rather dance belts. But they are essentially thongs. They serve several purposes: they maintain a clean line in the back which briefs wouldn’t; they have padded fronts which smooth out the bulges, and they lift everything out of the way so you don’t do yourself a mischief when closing to fifth position.

    • Steve March 28, 2013 at 02:45 #

      Of course, I also don’t know of any male dancers who walk about in public in their tights. I have to wonder how the female population would react to one who did.

      • wolffmut May 3, 2013 at 12:55 #

        We’d be worse than Mexican Construction Workers….

  14. Kitsunegari March 28, 2013 at 02:54 #

    So let me see if I’m understanding this correctly.

    Amanda’s NOT okay with seeing your thong during yoga class, you slutty tramp! But she’s totally down with seeing your cameltoe. Because that’s what you’ll get if you go commando to yoga class, like she suggests.

    Slate is trolling hard for pageclicks with this one.

    • happycrow March 28, 2013 at 13:34 #

      Kitsunegari,
      Allow me to simplify this for you. “Amanda Marcotte.”
      There. No further explication required.

      There’s always some stupid prat who thinks they know what and how everybody should be up to. Mockery and disdain are the only responses these people deserve.

  15. Master Beta March 28, 2013 at 10:14 #

    Look! A curvy man:

    http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01117/chubby-mikey3_1117899c.jpg

  16. Erudite Knight March 28, 2013 at 15:55 #

    Is that a cat being hung in the background?

  17. aspasialibertine April 7, 2013 at 17:53 #

    Is there a bottom to Amanda Marcotte’s stupidity? Or is it just a bottomless pit of WTF?

  18. Mina April 29, 2013 at 16:38 #

    I wear thongs because I spent most of my time in riding breeches, which fit a lot like yogo pants. Dressage riding in full panties is a recipe for bruises and rashes in places you just don’t want them! and my husband loves me in thongs and that’s all he buys (he does all, and I mean all, of the shopping) :-D

  19. T. Paul Jay May 3, 2013 at 03:51 #

    Re: 2nd to last paragraph. “Now we just need to reassure men that women are worth trusting again, too. ” And then get married, and then she forces a divorce, he doesn’t get to see his kids again because she moves across the country, he has to pay child support till they’re all 18. Oh, yeah, it’s trust time.

    Or not. Maybe it’s time to change some laws first. Which ain’t gonna happen soon. Feminism has done too much damage. Here comes the fempocalypse. Check out GirlWritesWhat videos on youtube.

  20. tarnishedsophia May 4, 2013 at 00:17 #

    The fact that Amanda doesn’t care how she looks to men…other women…herself…or any passerby, really…speaks volumes.
    Also, thank you for the clothing reviews JB. I too share a disdain for clothes shopping, and have been looking for some good pants/shorts for exercise purposes.

  21. Zach May 14, 2013 at 14:38 #

    I like yoga pants on [fit] women. In the yoga studio. As much as I enjoy a nice set of legs and firm backside, the yoga pants for all occasions trend is getting a bit tedious. Women may enjoy scoping out the elephant trunk dancing beneath my sweat pants, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that those women want to see me in my sweat pants all about town – say dangling the dong in their faces as I stand at the bar next to their table while they are brunching with their besties.

    We’ve been through these phases before. Spandex in the 80′s/90′s, those snug and fuzzy little track suits in the early 2000′s. I get the benefits, the snuggly, slimming, trimming, supporting qualities. But seriously, sometimes femininity means dressing up just a little and leaving the sports apparel for sport. I realize I’m probably in the minority of men with this view, but I guess I just appreciate the less-is-more of a woman who holds a bit back in her dress (in public). Or these days, a woman who tries just a little to not look like all the rest, who tries just a little to dress like a lady in public and not in a permanent down-dog. To be fair, I think grown men who wear tank-tops in public are silly as hell.

    I’ve been practicing yoga for years and sure, I enjoy the view in my studio. But I find it curious how/when/where the boundaries are established relative to these tight little trends. The ubiquitous application of yoga pants is just as annoying as all the faux spirituality that so many of these women banter about after class – all while eye banging their iphones. Yoga pants have become the uniform of fortune cookie philosophy and the new/progressive consumer culture. I just can’t take them seriously. I’ll enjoy the view in the same way as I am enjoying the decline in general. RIP modesty.

    • Ron R. August 12, 2013 at 10:04 #

      Zach

      All with you on this one. Leave the sports wear for the gym, not in public. All of us, men and women, should have some respect for ourselves and dress for the occasion, not for the beach no matter the place we are.

      I have also come to another realization, that the fitter a person is, the less likely it is that you will see them in sports attire out side of doing sports, fit people tend to dress well. While it seems the more out of shape you are i.e. Curvy, the more you see baggy sweats, yoga pants, flip flops, sneakers, graphic tee’s that are baggy, etc. And these are the last people you want to see i tight yoga pants, thong or no thong. When curvy, if you dress well, you look nicer, and if wearing well fitting clothes, you will even look less curvy.

      So why do all those people want to subject me and others to such lack of respect to themselves and to others. That is my questions.

      Mayor Bloomberg, ban work out gear from the streets, along with sneakers and stupid baseball hats please. Now that is a ban I could support.
      Ron

  22. Nick July 17, 2013 at 07:51 #

    Forgive me here, but let me frank about something i might have missed or everyone in here missed….. I understand everything you guys have said and talk, bitched, and ext. But the one thing i still don’t get is ……. Guess what ladies, guys might be looking at your butt and that’s all they are telling you but in reality they are looking at everything front to back and side to side. So again when you go and put those yoga pants on think of this that every guy that goes by you, HE IS STARRING AT YOUR VAGINA in other words your camel toe! So if you don’t want them to be looking then STOP WEARING THEM! End of story.

  23. JBfan August 17, 2013 at 08:06 #

    Lucky you! In drama school I went to when I was 18 all us boys had to wear dancers supports (man thong/jockstrap) to keep us from getting tangled up in movement classes and boy did they smart! (I guess because we weren’t used to em):p

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Fan(girl) Friday: Yoga Pant Love | This is Why we Can't Have Nice Things - April 19, 2013

    [...] First, Kristina Matisic gets pretty angry about tight pant varieties.  She calls out tight pant wearers and demands that we follow a few of her rules if we wish to wear such pants in public.  A lovely girl named Rachel has written us yoga pant wearers an open letter where she also gives some criteria about socially sanctioned yoga pants.  She also calls yoga pants “glorified sweatpants”.  Debate that amongst yourselves.  To conclude the negatory-on-yoga-pants side, I read a descriptive post by Judgy Bitch, and well, you know.  You can probably guess what she had to say. [...]

  2. Should a woman in a bikini expect to be taken seriously? No, dipshit. She should not. Neither should a man in a thong. | judgybitch - August 22, 2013

    […] http://judgybitch.com/2013/03/27/%EF%BB%BFladies-you-can-wear-anything-you-like-except-yoga-pants-an… […]

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