Fuck, Marry Kill! Which bitch do you want to do in?

15 Jan

jennifer

anne

amanda

So the Hollywood Foreign Press Association recently hosted the 70th annual Golden Globes awards, bringing together accomplished actors and artists from the world of television and film, and the ladies kitted themselves out like,well, movie stars, and who wants to play a little round of Fuck, Marry, Kill?

The game is this:  of the three women posted above, which one would you like to throw down and just fuck, which one seems like a sane, rational, nice sort of person you  might want to marry and which one is just so batshit crazy there seems to be no choice but to wrap your hands around her neck and choke her until she’s a lifeless pile of Jimmy Choo wearing meat?

kill

Now, now, I know it’s a little harsh first thing in the morning, but it’s just a bit of harmless fun.  Don’t get your panties in a knot.  After all, it’s a known fact that when a young woman decides she would like to be an actress, she opens herself up to this kind of fantasy.  And hell, why should only young women have the pleasure of being the object of someone’s murderous imagination?

julianne

jodie

jennifer l

Julianne Moore.  She’s gorgeous and at 52 puts a lot of younger women to shame.  Jodie Foster?  Well, she’s gay, but what the hell, why should that stop a fertile imagination?  And Jennifer Lopez?  Jesus how many times has that woman been married anyways?  She’s probably the right one to kill, but to each their own.  The comments are open so we can explore in graphic detail why one of the other ladies might be a better choice for manslaughter.

Some people think it ISN’T funny to encourage random strangers to think of fucking or killing or even marrying accomplished, beautiful women they have never laid eyes on in real life, but those people are just straight up killjoys.  And when the lady’s media image is a little off, shall we say, it’s just plain old good fun to speculate on taking their lives.

strangle

Predictably, feminists, those schreechy shrews think Fuck, Marry, Kill is an appalling game that no one should ever play because we’re blatantly encouraging a hatred of women so vile it involves an outright desire for a woman to die, and neither the fuck nor the marry part of the game contain anything about consent.  What if the lady doesn’t want to fuck YOU?  What if the lady doesn’t want to marry you or even speak to you?

Jezebel in particular, has mounted a huge campaign to end the shameless misogyny of Fuck, Marry, Kill games on the internet.  It’s just unacceptable and it has to stop.

stop

Oh wait.  No they haven’t.  Jezebel isn’t upset about Fuck, Marry, Kill at all. In fact, they invented it. 

http://jezebel.com/5975939/

Are you shocked?  Don’t be.  Because it isn’t WOMEN we are invited to imagine fucking, marrying or killing.  It’s MEN.  Tee hee.  Isn’t that funny?

men

Here’s Dodai Stewart, the woman who wrote the piece.

dodai

Yeah, like she could get anywhere near any one of those men.  I hope you’re imagining killing all of them, Dodai, because I’m pretty sure they’d all rather be dead than have to fuck or marry you.

I know I would.  Oh, and Jezebel?  Fuck you.

Lots of love,

JB

17 Responses to “Fuck, Marry Kill! Which bitch do you want to do in?”

  1. Liz January 15, 2013 at 13:05 #

    My kill list: Snooki and the entire Kardashian family.

    • judgybitch January 15, 2013 at 13:10 #

      Cheater! You have to pick one to fuck and one to marry. You can’t kill them all.

      • Liz January 15, 2013 at 13:22 #

        Damn.

      • happycrow January 15, 2013 at 14:23 #

        Fuck all of them, marry my wife, kill the humorless bitches at Jezebel?

      • happycrow January 15, 2013 at 18:06 #

        On second thought, I can’t cheat like that.
        Even with my long fingers, there’s just no way I’m gonna be able to get around Dodai’s cow-neck. Are props allowed?

      • Liz January 15, 2013 at 19:06 #

        HC, I should hope you could use props. Wrap your hands around her neck? Good God man you don’t want to get that close. Her breath alone could probably kill you (and she might spit poison).

      • happycrow January 15, 2013 at 20:25 #

        True, Liz. She DOES bear an uncanny resemblance to the bad guys from Buckaroo Banzai.

  2. princesspixiepointless January 15, 2013 at 13:35 #

    This post made me both angry and sad. Yep, I am a killjoy over here. Today I weep for humanity. fucking hell. Fuck, Marry, Kill??? That’s brutal. Shame on you Jezebel….Over here we call it Snog, Marry or AVOID….waaah!!!!

    • princesspixiepointless January 15, 2013 at 13:37 #

      What’s even worst, is upon checking out the Jezebel article is the comments. I mean, holy fuck. To say i was welcoming the end of the world/humanity on the 21st would now be a understatement.

      • Liz January 15, 2013 at 15:42 #

        I rely on you guys to read it for me (so I don’t have to).

  3. dana January 15, 2013 at 14:00 #

    I hope you’re imagining killing all of them, Dodai, because I’m pretty sure they’d all rather be dead than have to fuck or marry you.

    ahahaha hahahahah ahahah i spit my coffee on that one

  4. Emma the Emo January 15, 2013 at 17:53 #

    Heheh. Sick fucks.. At least they can’t say they have a higher moral ground than me.

    Comments:

    “I feel bad. Everyone wants to kill Ben, including myself. I can’t figure out why I didn’t even consider fucking him. My mind instantly placed him in the kill category. ”

    “Kill them all by fucking them to death. Maybe marry the richest (Clooney? Affleck?) prior to death-fucking in order to assure hefty life insurance/inheritance.”

  5. JAL January 15, 2013 at 20:34 #

    Stupid question, but is that Keanu Reeves or Ben Affleck on the right?

    • judgybitch January 15, 2013 at 20:36 #

      It’s Benn Affleck (swoon) but Keanu would be on my fuck list too.

      I mean, no he wouldn’t! I’m married!

      • happycrow January 16, 2013 at 04:05 #

        If my wife gets hit by a bus, she’d be PISSED if I never remarried. So it’s fair game.

  6. Friday Drunk January 15, 2013 at 22:48 #

    I would fuck J-Lo
    Marry a younger version of Julianne Moore
    Kill Jodie Foster

    Also, awesome picture of Don Draper and Danny Ocean. Needs Brad Pitt instead of Affleck

  7. taterearl January 17, 2013 at 13:12 #

    Kill Anne Hatheway…for the good girl image she had in her younger years…you can see the fruition of her constant sluttery
    Fuck Jennifer Lawrence for obvious reasons
    Marry Amanda Seyfried…although mostly because she would be at the top of the dung pile

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