Following up on my post about raising sons, here are my steps for raising daughters in a feminist world.
GET MARRIED AND STAY MARRIED. Little girls need the presence of their father as much as little boys do. Daddy is a little girl’s first love and he SHOULD be http://wp.me/p2OBkr-3G Little girls who grow up with positive, affirmative and consistent attention from a loving, ever-present man are immunized against slut culture, which is really just a cry for male recognition and validation. Sluts, especially the teenage ones, aren’t sluts because they like it. They’re sluts because they will do ANYTHING to get attention from a male, and if a blow job is the price, then they’ll pay it. The tragedy is that what sad little sluts REALLY want is love, and they don’t quite understand that the attention they get from men isn’t love and very likely never will be. The more guys they have sex with, the less likely it is that ANY man will want to have a relationship with them.
A girl who grows up with a Daddy doesn’t have a hole in heart she needs to fill. She will be far less likely to join the slut parade despite the pressures feminist culture will put on her, telling her that being a slut is really about empowerment and just a really fun thing to do.
LET HER BE A PRINCESS. Rare is the little girl who doesn’t love a tiara and a sparkly dress. Being a Princess is a way of practicing benevolent care. It’s a way of placing the welfare of others over your own. and it places the value of marriage and love at the center of the narrative. The Disney Princesses, so reviled by feminists but beloved by little girls everywhere are role models that little girls adore emulating. Cinderella rescuing the mice and finding her Prince. Snow White taking care of the dwarfs and finding her Prince. Jasmine giving apples to the the street urchins and finding her Prince.
There is no harm at all in nurturing the loving, caring beautiful Princess in your little girl’s heart. The Princess stage usually starts at three years of age and ends around six when most little girls seem to understand that they don’t have to be royalty to be kind and caring and lovely.
There is another kind of Princess narrative that is much more dangerous, and that starts AFTER the Disney Princess stage. Young girls who think they really ARE Princesses, better than everyone else by virtue of having been born, deserving of special treatment, callous and selfish. A 12 year old Princess is probably well on her way to narcissism and self-delusion, and that kind of Princess needs to be shut down.
But four year olds in elbow gloves and glass slipper are delightful. True Princesses, interested in the welfare of others, and that’s a lovely thing to encourage. The cat may not agree.
RESPECT HER BODY. It’s HER hair! Let her wear it the way she wants. When PinkyPinkyPie was a little girl, she HATED having her hair washed and brushed and ponytailed. So we kept it short. A little bob we trimmed frequently and never combed. She has never, ever sat and cried while tangles were brushed out of her hair. When PinkyPinkyPie was five, she decided on her own to grow her hair. And hasn’t cut it since. It cascades to her waist in a sheet of shimmering blonde and she loves it because she CHOSE it.
Pinky’s little sister MissBossyPants has gorgeous blonde curls, which she HATES having washed or brushed. So she sports a little pixie cut and will until she decides otherwise.
Forcing little girls to wear hair they don’t like is setting them up to be controlled. By friends, by lovers, by partners, by ideologies. It’s teaching them their own personal thoughts on something as personal as THEIR OWN HAIR don’t matter. That’s stupid. So leave her hair alone, mom. It’s HERS, not yours. If you want long hair, grow your own.
And no punching holes through any part of her body, either. When she WANTS her ears pierced, she’ll let you know.
RESPECT HER MIND. Little girls love dolls, kittens, cupcakes, sparkly jewelry, tea sets and bunny rabbits. They generally DON’T like cars, knives, guns, worms, frogs or slimey things. A little girl’s mind is primed to be caring, nurturing, loving, protective and cooperative. The standard feminist blah blah blah is that these things are CULTURAL. Girls are brainwashed into evoking all the qualities that allow them to care for helpless offspring for an extended period of time, because, you know, THERE IS NO EVOLUTIONARY BASIS FOR THAT PARTICULAR PSYCHOLOGY.
Let little girls BE little girls. Don’t denigrate them for loving femininity and care-giving. Don’t force them into soccer and sneer at their distaste for being dirty. You are essentially telling them that their mothering instincts are wrong, although I suppose that will come in handy when grow up, have their own children that they drop off at the day orphanage and then go back to their bullshit jobs doing pretty much nothing so they can buy a bunch of crap they don’t need.
Little girls are natural mothers. Don’t destroy that instinct.
SHOWER HER WITH KISSES. Little girls are generally quite naturally cuddly and affectionate but that doesn’t mean you should wait for her to come to you when she needs love and a hug. You are modeling for her what a loving mother SHOULD be, so BE that mother. Works better if you are actually THERE for her and not texting her from your cubicle.
SHOW HER HOW TO MAKE A HOUSE A HOME
Let your little girl grow up in a home filled with friends and family and love and laughter. Let her see YOU do the work it takes to make your home loving and welcoming. Throw out your Martha Stewart magazines (or at least keep them hidden, your own porn stash) in your bedroom.
Homes aren’t about ceramics and flower arrangements and hand printed napkins. Those things are about competing with other women and marking your status and have NOTHING to do with the comfort of the people in your home. They’re ego masturbation and go ahead and do that with one room in the house if it really matters to you, but the living room should be where EVERYONE can feel welcome and comfortable.
Show her the meaning of hospitality and graciousness and let her know men are not only welcome, they are fundamental to making a house a home. Protect her from the idea that a house with a woman and several children fathered by different men, none of whom are around, is just another kind of “family”. It’s not. Nothing replaces a home with a loving set of married parents at the center of it.
LET HER BE DIFFERENT
Not all little girls are about glitter nail polish and unicorns and that’s just fine. PinkyPinkyPie’s close friend GingerGirl is a full on tomboy. Trucks, guns, dirty jeans (she wants a pet wolf!) and never met a mud puddle she didn’t love. That’s beautiful, because GingerGirl isn’t acting out her mother’s fantasy of genderless utopia, she’s just being herself. Letting girls be who they are will result in most girls being loving mothers and wives. As it is, most girls WILL grow up to be mothers, but feminism has succeeded in telling them that the loving and wife part don’t matter.
And that’s a tragedy. Show your little girl that being a WIFE and loving your children and family more than yourself is not only natural, it’s wonderful!
And when she gets to be a teenager and starts spending a lot of time alone in her room, give her a few books to read. You probably know some good ones.
Lots of love,